This simulation was run yesterday at the Old Town/Chinatown MAX station, presided over by legislative candidate and Metro functionary Jon Coney:

Mine was definitely standin' in the shadow as of early this morning. That burning smell I detected as my desktop computer died last night was eMachines el-cheapo computer goodness going up in smoke.

But hey, it was nearly five years old, and that computer and I had seen many good times and bad together. Plus, the fact that the hard drive was intact was good news.

Thanks to all our alert readers who suggested hardware geeks who could get things done for me. Some even generously offered to pitch in themselves -- special thanks to them. As it turned out, I called these guys, took the computer over there, and in less than 20 minutes was on my way with my hard drive encased in a new USB box that turns it into a portable drive.

As computer crashes go, that ain't bad. If only my car drive back to the office in rush hour traffic had gone so smoothly.

I'm still taking suggestions for the new desktop computer while I hack away on a laptop. I'm thinking a big-ticket Dell. All I need is the tower. The Mac folks are singing their siren song to me, but I just don't think I'm brave enough.

I'm finding out that it's hard to find a computer repair person who even answers the phone these days. Anyone got a good source for such help somewhere in or around Portlandia? I've got a sick, old, cheap desktop computer that I'm willing to drive anywhere either to be fixed or to have its data recovered as best is possible.

We love our mailman. He brings us all sorts of great stuff, and provides service above and beyond the call.

During political campaign seasons, he delivers to our doorstep election porn that provokes many a belly laugh. Yesterday he left not one but two pieces of unintended hilarity -- both of them followups to mailers and flyers we had already received from the same two candidates. First was this beauty from Streetcar Smith:

There he is, telling his neighbors that he went to 22 committee meetings and public hearings last month, and so it must be his time to waltz onto the City Council. That's funny enough even at first glance, but look closer at the guy on the left. You can tell how excited he is to be there:

How does stuff like this go out? I guess when you run on taxpayer money, as Smith is, your work product naturally seeks government quality levels.

Then there's Cyreena Boston, whose unusual literature we've now received for a third time. This is the second flyer we've gotten from this candidate for the Legislature in less than a week, and it's another spread right out of O magazine:

This time she's abandoned her "passion" motif and spends the whole glossy flyer talking about education. She'll get rid of the corporate income tax "kicker" refund to make class sizes smaller; and restore music, art, and P.E. She's worked with hundreds of kids. She's got some sort of education desk job now. And she has a "mission in life: to make great things happen for others."

Boston seems like a nice, smart, energetic person, and I might even vote for her. But the constant pounding with the America's Top Model stuff still strikes me as odd. I look at her materials, and all I see is this:

Obama, Novick (no surprise), Macpherson (mild surprise), Walker (yay), Dembrow, Sam the Tram (foregone conclusion), Fritz, Fish (surprise). They're also going against Wu. It's the right sidebar here.

I've had the computer screen suddenly go black on me before. And hey, I'm a Windows user, and so having everything inside the darn computer seize up on me is nothing new. Especially when Norton This-or-That decides to assert its uptight authority.

But this time, the computer wouldn't let me turn it off, even if I pushed the power button in and held for a count of 10. And it smelled like something was burning.

Now I'm on the laptop, but ooooh, I think my week just got a whole lot more interesting.

An alert reader sends along a brief clip of a KPAM Radio interview from late last week with former Portland Mayor Vera Katz. It is here (mp3). The topic was the planned move of the Sauvie Island Bridge to become a bike bridge over I-405 at NW Flanders Street.

Memo to Sam the Tram and Fireman Randy: When Vera, of all people, says that you're neglecting essentials for an unnecessary toy, man, you know your priorities are badly screwed up.

Putting the fiscal folly of the whole thing to one side for a moment, let's talk about another aspect of this boondoggle that deserves some attention: the steps that are going to have to be taken to prevent the bridge from creating danger and tie-ups around the heavily used interstate freeway.

Just for fun, take a ride on I-405, either northbound or southbound -- in a car, that is -- and get off at the Everett Street exit. Check out the feel of the traffic as you drive by Flanders. You may find that the Flanders corner is not the safest intersection in town -- indeed, it's sometimes hair-raising -- even without bikes.

Let's start with southbound. (If these Google street views don't show up in your internet browser, try your other browser. For me, they're working well in Firefox, but not so in IE.) The lane of traffic coming off the freeway is merging with two lanes of other traffic heading southward on NW 16th:

The freeway traffic is confined by that barrier to the left lane until it gets past the light at Glisan (shown above). But just a block later, it is legal to make a right turn onto Flanders, and the cars coming off the freeway wanting to make that move don't have much time or room to get over to the right. Zoom and rotate around on the following shot and you'll see what I mean. That's Flanders over there next to Chown:

It's a dangerous maneuver a lot of the time, particularly if the light at Glisan was green and merging cars are moving at a good clip. Add a bunch of cyclists coming across 16th from both sides, and you've got some serious road rash, or worse, waiting to happen.

The only way to alleviate the danger will be to put in a traffic light at 16th and Flanders, and prohibit freeway-exiting traffic from making a right. More delays and roundabout routes for motorists, to be sure. The first opportunity for a right turn into Northwest will be Davis (which T's at 19th). And wait 'til they start building the Mike Powell Retirement Plan Burnside-Couch traffic "couplet." Everett could become a freeway offramp that you hope you never have to take.

Northbound, I-405 dumps exiting traffic off into another ugly merge, at NW 14th:

There's a traffic signal at Everett --

The ladies over at I Could Kill Her finally show us what they go to Trader Joe's for. (Oh, and there's a story about seismic activity in Central Oregon, too.)

Two big late-season roster moves in the pro basketball Western Conference have proved to be busts. Phoenix went out and hired Shaq, and Dallas took on Jason Kidd. Both teams were hoping that the addition of these battle-tested veterans would help in the playoffs. Neither made it to May.

She used to tell us kids, "God don't punish with a stick."

I see they're now renting out the set and extras from Law and Order:

I kept waiting for the witness on the stand to break down and confess.

Greg Macpherson's TV ads have hit the airwaves. His handlers must have told him he's losing with the kids, because they're definitely going for the hip thing:

I dunno. Greg's a buttoned-down pension lawyer, and a darn good one. This seems awfully out of character. But hey, I guess politics makes you do funny things sometimes.

This is a fascinating news story that deserves a full read. In it, the developer scoundrels who are bankrupting Portland brazenly explain how they get their crazy projects done: They make secret deals with the politicians and bureaucrats at City Hall, and don't let the public see what they're up to until it's too late to stop them.

Homer Williams, the developer who helped create the Pearl District and South Waterfront, says that with enough will and political capital, developers can put bold designs into place in Portland. But it’s hard, he says. And Con-way has taken a wrong first step, he believes.

By showing its preliminary master plan to groups with a stake in the development, including the neighborhood association, Con-way opened itself up for criticism before it was ready to deal with it, Williams says.

He says he learned from his experiences with the Pearl District and South Waterfront that he had to have agreements in place on specific pieces of developments before his plans went public.

With South Waterfront, he says, he secured commitments from Mayor Vera Katz and from Oregon Health & Science University on its investment in a campus that would be connected to its main campus by the tram. And those two weren’t the only ones with whom bargains were made.

"We got everybody around the table every Monday for months, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.," Williams says. "PDOT, OHSU, PDC (the Portland Development Commission), (the) planning (bureau). We said, 'OK, let’s make an agreement.'"

Then there's this person, who thinks that the real problem in Portland is that it has neighborhood associations who can occasionally stop greedy weasels like his clients from ruining the place. He ought to take his "bold visions" out to his hobby farm in the Gorge and stick them in a shady spot, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, before you do something foolish like vote for Adams, Middaugh, and Smith in the City Council races, read the linked article and think about to whom this city belongs. Sam the Tram and his partner wannabes will tell you it's you, but from 11 to 2 every Monday for months, they'll be selling it by the pound to Homer and the Boys. Later, when the fix is securely in, they'll let you know.

Cyreena Boston, who's trying to become the new state representative from our district here in Northeast Portland, sent our household her mailer this week. We've been kidding her that her glamorous photography and happening slogan impress us more as a perfume ad than as political literature, and as we head into the final weeks of the campaign, we now have a brand name for the product line:

The whole "passion" thing leaves me cold. It was this creepy dude's favorite word when describing himself. This guy's got it, too. Yuck.

I'm with Obama: The gas tax "holiday" idea is just a gimmick that won't do much good, and isn't worth the harm it would do to our highways and bridges, which are already falling apart. Unlike Obama, I also think that the income tax "stimulus" checks that are about to go out are also a lovely gesture, but equally foolish. These are signs of desperation on the part of a country unwilling to face the hard economic truths that have begun arriving in droves. The sooner we get real about them, the better. But I guess since there's a Presidential election coming up, we'll do our darnedest to keep a facade of control going until after New Year's. Keep printing those dollars, and we'll figure it all out later.

They're both pretty smart.

If I were, and I read this bizarre story, I would call each and every one of these people in the morning and demand their resignations on my desk by 5 p.m.

Cousin Jim goes out for his morning walk.

His Nike pension finally vested.

Eeeek. The dead-tree version of the O lost another 15,000 readers in the last six months. At this rate, they'll almost certainly drop below 300,000 circulation this summer. With the recession squeezing advertising hard, and the internet slowly killing off ink-on-paper readership, their tough times look like they're about to get tougher.

I'm reading with interest about the latest flap over the Oregon law prohibiting sales of sexually explicit material to children under age 18. It's ironic that just a few minutes previously, I had been trying to watch a ballgame on television with my seven-year-old daughter when on came one of those wonderful commercials that tell you what to do if your erection lasts longer than four hours. That titillated my desire to put my foot through the screen.

I'm starting to feel the first symptoms of Hillary Derangement Syndrome.

Every internet project that the City of Portland has touched has turned to trash almost instantly. We're still watching the goofball "free wi-fi" deal with MetroFi die a slow and painful death on traffic light poles around town. Those of us who have been around for a while also remember the city's quixotic lawsuit against the cable companies -- something about forcing them to carry other carriers' data across their lines. This legal action went nowhere, but at a huge cost to Portland taxpayers, for lawyers.

We thought that with the departure of "Opie" Sten, the city's obsession with dominating internet communications within its limits would die off. But no! Never underestimate the persistence of power-hungry politicians and bureaucrats. Our next venture into this completely unproductive realm is about to begin.

They're calling it FTTP -- "fiber to the premises."

Readers of this blog have been chattering about this with us for years, but it wasn't until we received this official notice from the city late last week that we saw it confirmed with our own eyes. The city government is about to undertake to build a "fiber network" that would run fancy city-owned cable to every home and business in town. Apparently your current, private, high-speed cable or DSL line just isn't good enough, and in order to save life in the city as we know it, you'll need to be buying your internet service from the city. The rumor we have heard is that it is going to run through the sewer system -- appropriate, perhaps.

Anyway, this latest development is completely consistent with Portland's bizarre reality disconnect when it comes to priorities. You know how you now pay your water bill to something called "City of Portland Utilities"? They didn't open a new bank account in that name for nothing. They've got plans. Think big. Think really big -- we're talking megalomania big. Maybe Fireman Randy will break through his intense separation anxiety and bring Opie himself back to run it.

Here are some of the highlowlights:

The City of Portland (“City”) Office of Cable Communications and Franchise Management (“OCCFM”) is issuing an RFP to hire expert consulting services to assist with developing, issuing and managing a Request for Interest (“RFI”) process for Private Sector entities to potentially partner with the City of Portland in developing Fiber To The Premises (FTTP) infrastructure in the City. Development of the RFI is a key outcome of the City’s Phase 2 FTTP Business Case and accompanying Staff Report (“Phase 2 Case & Staff Report”).

This Portland City Council held a work session on November 20, 2007, and authorized moving forward with an RFI in the manner recommended in the Phase 2 Case & Staff Report. This RFP for professional assistance in developing, issuing and managing the RFI is being issued pursuant to the direction of the Portland City Council at the work session, and subsequent funding by the Council, on the recommendation of Commissioner Dan Saltzman....

The Portland Community Fiber Network (“CFN”) as envisioned in the City’s FTTP Business Case and accompanying Staff Report (“Phase 2 Case & Staff Report”) will provide the infrastructure necessary to spur innovative technologies, job growth, economic development, sustainability, education, and community development in the City of Portland. High-bandwidth broadband is widely-recognized as a key driver of future economic competitiveness and is increasingly recognized as a potential driver of sustainability. Incumbent providers have elected not to provide FTTP infrastructure in Portland in the near term, and are therefore not expected to invest the necessary funds to upgrade their present systems to meet future City and community needs. Portland’s suburbs, meanwhile, are being wired with fiber potentially rendering Portland a technological bedroom community in the region.

The Phase 2 Case & Staff Report set forth a business case and the policy rationale for a municipally owned and financed Open Service Provider fiber-to-the-premises (“FTTP”) system in Portland. (Note: the Phase 2 Case & Staff Report, together with the Phase 1 Report and other relevant and essential background documents, remain posted on the OCCFM website at this link: http://www.portlandonline.com/cable/index.cfm?c=45468)...

OCCFM now seeks proposals from individuals, firms, teams or consultants, hereafter called “Proposer(s),” with demonstrated experience in developing an RFI and working and securing viable potential private sector partners and community support for a citywide Fiber-to-the-Premises (“FTTP”) broadband network. OCCFM proposes to engage the successful Proposer for the following services: Assist in designing and implementing an overall RFI process that will yield one or more partners so that the City can move forward with FTTP deployment. The title of the ultimate RFI is "Request for Interest"; this is a specific and deliberate choice that comes from Commissioner Saltzman's office. It is important that the ultimate RFI be framed to encourage action-oriented responses ("Interest") not merely passive responses ("Information").

If there's one item of information that absolutely isn't newsworthy, it's an abandoned cat that needs a home. But on a routine stop at the vet's just now, we couldn't help but notice that they have a gorgeous two-year-old male American short hair that someone left on their doorstep last week. This guy is jet black, with golden eyes that look right through you. He looks quite healthy -- whoever left him had taken good care of him. He's been neutered, they've given him some shots and some tests, and he's A-OK.

If I didn't think our current tom cat would object, I'd be lobbying hard to bring this guy home. He really is adorable, a bit of a talker, and he looks promising as a mouser. The vet that's got him is a great, high-end shop in close-in Northeast that we trust implicitly based on years of experience. If you're curious, call them at 503-282-0380 and check this fellow out.

Oregonian columnist Steve Duin, who's right about half the time, nailed it yesterday when he noted that nowadays, Oregon's Democratic Party can be broken down into two subparties: the establishment and the rebels. The former group, headed by Hillary, features Merkley for U.S. Senate, Macpherson for attorney general, and Brown for secretary of state. The latter group, headed by Obama, is running Novick, Kroger, and Walker, respectively.

Of course, nothing's formally organized along those lines, but there are common themes in all those contests which have long suggested those sorts of associations. We've been thinking along such lines since October. Once you see the thematic connections, isn't it tempting to just follow the "subparty" line?

Now, all you Republicans who have re-registered yourself as Democrats so that you can vote for Hillary, listen up! What are you going to do in the other three races? Merkley vs. Novick doesn't really matter, because Peapicker Gordon is going to mop the floor with either of them. But the other two races are serious, because you GOP types have mustered no serious opposition at all. Nor are you going to.

If you really want to make trouble for the current gang in power in Salem, go with the rebels. The last thing the Network Formerly Known as Goldschmidt needs is to have people like Kroger and Walker sniffing around their many fetid pots of poorly monitored public money. To visualize it in a slightly different way, under every rock either one of those candidates turns over will be one or more Salem snakes that have lived there peacefully for many years.

If you're thinking "anyone but Sam for mayor," and if Sho Dozono doesn't do it for you, consider my nascent campaign to write in Sal Kadri for mayor. Kadri is a commissioner on the Portland Development Commission, but hey, don't touch that mouse yet!!! He's one of the good guys in the effort to try to convert the PDC into a more reality-based organization.

Kadri was part of the movement to kill off the ill-advised Convention Center hotel scam (which has since gravitated over to Metro). Last week he said some politically incorrect, but deadly accurate, things about the PDC's involvement in low-income rental housing.

Once the new mayor gets into office, all the face cards in the PDC will likely be shuffled yet again, and that could mean that Kadri would be leaving public life when his commissioner term ends in mid-2009, if not before. He's got good credentials -- why not? Write him in for mayor.

An interesting phenomenon has been noted nationwide: Banning smoking in public places has killed off a great American tradition known as bingo games.

Hmmmm... Ya gotta wonder what's going to happen to all that hot, juicy "lottery" (slot machine) revenue that the State of Oregon rakes in once it becomes illegal to smoke inside bars and taverns. That new rule takes effect January 1.

Bush snoop-a-phobia hits Oregon hardest of all.

It looks like old Larry over at Continental Airlines has decided he doesn't like what he sees at United any more, and so talks between the two carriers about a merger are off. Unless United can somehow knit a silk purse out of the sow's ear that is US Air, it may wind up going under pretty soon.

Speaking of flying without money, I see that this guy knows where to get a good fare.

Another honor for Blazer star (as announcer Mark Mason would say) Buh-randon Uh-roy. He just came in third in the balloting for the NBA's Joe Dumars Trophy. This award is given to the player who reflects the ideals of sportsmanship: ethical behavior, fair play, and integrity. This year's winner was Grant Hill from Phoenix (the first time someone has won twice), and Shane Battier of Houston was second.

A previous winner: fella by the name of Terrell Brandon.

A bike rental program. It comes with a catch: The local government will have to get into bed with some advertising weasels.

This report (page 19 in particular) shows that Portland currently has the 11th most overpriced housing in the country. Coming in at no. 1 nationally? Bend.

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