But not frickin' funny.

Here are the issues that the city attorney has identified. And there may be more.

It's the perfect ending to the dubious Portland City Council career of Erik "Opie" Sten: a hare-brained stunt that will cost the taxpayers hundreds of thousands in legal fees and ultimately be declared illegal. Maybe after he's gone (only five weeks to go), the rest of the commissioners will come to their senses and stop the insanity. One can only hope.

UPDATE, 2:46 p.m.: More details here.

Remember the deal whereby OHSU was going to pay its fare share of the operational costs of the OHSU aerial tram [rim shot]? Well, the deal's been revised. In secret, of course.

Hey, Mayor Potter! Do you still work here? What's the deal, dude?

"I don't think we're headed to a recession."

With that combination of intelligence and honesty, is it any wonder we're in the mess we're in?

If, like us, you are horrified by the several unwanted phone books that appear on your doorstep every year, only to be thrown immediately into the recycling bin, you may find this a heartwarming story.

It's all actually quite simple.

Forget for a moment the fact that the City of Portland appears to be on shaky ground financially. Even if it were in good shape money-wise, how can the city be building streetcars, redoing the downtown transit mall, handing hundreds of millions to the SoWhat boys, buying up the Main Post Office to hand over to a developer, and talking about building a new no-cars bridge over the Willamette, when the entire city we have is literally falling apart at the seams?

I guess if you ask a simple question enough times and politicians don't answer, the question isn't valid any more.

The cost of taxpayer handouts for the campaigns of the politicians running for two Portland City Council seats in the May primary now stands at $841,254. The current tale of the tape is here. And that is not counting a couple of additional items that could raise the total public payout for this spring's municipal campaigns well over $1 million.

Additional Item 1 is mayoral candidate Sho Dozono. If he doesn't somehow pull himself out (or get kicked out) of the "voter-owed election" pool, or otherwise self-destruct, will likely get close to another $200,000.

Additional Item 2 is the extra bill that the taxpayers will get handed if the "unclean" candidates in various races raise more money than the "clean" ones are initially awarded. Unless the city has changed these rules on the fly (which seems to be an almost daily occurrence), if "dirty money" folks raise more than the "clean money" allotment, the taxpayers get to match the excess for each "clean money" candidate in that race. So far we know of at least two candidates who are going to rake in big dough from the usual suspects: Sam the Tram for mayor and Nick the Fish for council. If they decide they need to blow past the "voter-owed" limits, we all get to pay more for their opponents' junk mail and robo-phone calls.

At least one City Council race is virtually certain to head for a runoff, and so there's some more hundred thousands out of the taxpayers' pockets this summer. But hey, it'll be worth it, because now the people with money in Portland will no longer control City Hall.

Uh huh.

Here's an interesting summer job opportunity.

So reports our correspondent in this dispatch:

Burnside Bridgehead is now on semi-permanent hold as the PDC [Portland Development Commission] commissioners unanimously decided NOT to renew the Memorandum of Understanding with Opus NW to construct the project.

I confess it came as a bit of a shock to all of us who showed up today for the proceedings. No one from Opus bothered to attend. It was all a done deal last night, apparently. The PDC staff story is that "after careful consideration of the market trends and the economic downturns the project is just not viable at this time and the PDC staff recommend not renewing the MOU," etc., etc. We can all draw our own conclusions as to the real reason why.

The demolition of the Cascade Plaza and the other buildings will proceed and the site will be prepared to be "shovel ready" for a prospective tenant sometime in the future, but at least two years away. In the meantime, the PDC wants to plant some grass and wants to use the site as a temporary park; it was suggested a dog walk area, which may help to keep the undesirables away and prevent tent camping. (Yes, that was actually suggested!)

You can catch it all on some cable channel or other if you dare.

Several folks I spoke with saw the blog and liked the name suggestions, as did I. Thanks for spreading the word.

And if someone could please put the kibosh on the folly of the "couplet"...

Just another fantastic year for this fellow and his disciples.

In WW, I'm "crotchety," but in the March Portland Monthly, I'll have you know, I'm "acerbic." (See page 119 -- the issue is not on the web yet, but if you get sick you can read it in your doctor's waiting room.)

Flipping down the dial last night, I caught the last few minutes of the latest edition of Bill McDonald's cable access show on Multnomah Cable. I think it's still called "Born to Slack." You lefty writers and thinkers out there really ought to track that one down. It is a monster.

Sure, it rambles. Some thoughts don't get completed before the next brainstorm charges in. But man, there's a wealth of great thought and expression there. It puts most of us in the blogosphere to shame.

The Seinfeld session of the Oregon Legislature, just concluded, was pretty underwhelming overall, but the wimpy thing it came up with in the name of mortgage reform was particularly disappointing.

Now, I'm not a big fan of bailing people out who got in over their heads with their housing finances -- I think Americans need to spend a lot more time reading and understanding legal documents before they sign them -- but what gets me the most is the explanation of why the move toward serious mortgage reform has failed in Salem. It reminds me a lot of the farce that took place when State Sen. Ginny Burdick & Crew undertook to outlaw holding a cell phone while driving, but wound up banning that practice only among teenagers (or some such nonsense). From Ryan Gragg Frank in today's O:

Mortgage brokers -- with an assist from the industry's United Financial Lobby -- mounted withering opposition. Some argued the new rules would drive them out of business and could bring back 1950s-era redlining for minority borrowers. Why not wait, they said, for the Federal Reserve to make official new rules that apply to all lenders?

The Legislature's three-week session provided little time for consumer groups to counter industry arguments. Tepid support even from Democrats and strong Republican opposition led House Speaker Jeff Merkley to water down the bill to win votes. But in the process, he lost the consumer support base and the political momentum fell flat.

"The real strong advocacy wasn't there," said Senate President Peter Courtney, a Salem Democrat who controlled the bill's fate in the session's final hours. The Senate vote, Courtney said, "wasn't close."

That's a 2-0 record for the mortgage industry in two years. But they, along with consumer groups and legislators, pledged work on more potential reforms for next year's session.

What's even crazier is that there is pretty much no money to be made serving in the Oregon Legislature (except for a few who figure out ways to steal it indirectly). Why, then, should the members pay any attention at all to what the greasy lobbyists are saying? The lawmakers ought to throw them all out of the building, check in with their constituents, and do what they were sent to Salem to do. It's really not asking too much.

Don't look now, but the Blazers, who started the season with 5 wins and 12 losses before their miraculous 17-1 surge, have gone 7-15 since then. They're basically out of playoff contention and playing like a team that's tired. Given that they're the youngest or second-youngest team in the league, they should not be tired. And with no rookies, by now they should understand what it feels like to be in the NBA in late February. They should be peaking, not peaked.

Granted, Roy is exahusted and hurt, but Blake, Jack, and Webster were disasters last night against the Lakers; Sergio hardly plays any more, so don't expect him to get into the flow; and when you've got LaFrentz on the floor playing out his money, you know the season is lost. Portland's a jump-shooting team that shot 10 percent in three-point attempts -- embarrassing, unless you're one of their homer announcers.

The Blazers' problems are numerous, but their offense is especially lacking. One wonders whether coach Nate McMillan, who got himself ejected last night for arguing with coprocephalic referee Steve Javie, is ever going to be able to coach a serious winner. Even if Greg Oden had been around, would the outcome have been any different? The official Blazer faithful line is that of course it would, but you've got to wonder.

As much as fans get attached to players, everyone on the team except Roy and Aldridge seems eminently expendable at this point. Package a couple or three of them up along with this year's lottery pick, and the Portland squad may get the experienced player who can take it into next year's playoffs.

Or play the hand you're holding now, add another rookie, and wait -- maybe a lo-o-o-o-o-ong time.

And who's going to pay to fix it? Nobody knows.

A sad story from Arlington: The famous mayor has been stripped of her title.

However bad the Blazers' record ends up this year, at least we're not enduring this.

I see the Amanda Fritz-Charles Lewis brouhaha made the tail end of Phil Stanford's column today. If you're interested in reading our comment threads on that subject from last week, the lengthier one is here; the first one is here.

Alas, there is no new evidence to report on who actually sent in the IRS complaint on Lewis (and copied the Merc). Guess it will remain a mystery.

Hey, do you think if readers of this blog chipped in a grand or so to pay for it, Amanda would take a polygraph test?

It looks like they'll be burning the grass fields in Idaho again this fall, after the practice was halted out of environmental concerns. The environmentalists and the grass farmers over that way have cut a deal that they say should provide protection for vulnerable people from the serious health problems caused by grass smoke. Under the brokered agreement, the clean air standards will be even stricter than those imposed by federal law.

You wonder how the terms of the new pact stack up against the current state of the law regarding field burning here in Idaho's Portugal. Hey! Maybe the Oregon Legislature could... nah, never mind.

Carmela Soprano explains it all to you.

My dear friend Steve Griffith has made it official -- he's running for the Legislature. You will not find a kinder, sweeter, brighter, more progressive person anywhere. The only catch -- he's not of the Democratic persuasion. But then again, I think I saw a Merkley sticker on his car.

I remember back when Steve made his first run for the Portland School Board. A group of his dedicated friends scoured the city asking complete strangers to let them put signs on their lawns. Many did, and he won by the very narrowest of margins. So began two terms of excellent service to the city's public schools.

Don't get me started on Steve stories. I could go all night extolling the man's virtues. If he wants to do this, the voters of his district owe it to themselves to make it happen.

(BTW, I think the O story's got it wrong. I believe Steve's address is in Portland -- close to the L.O. border, but not actually in Oswegoland.)

Uh oh. Grampy dinged up the Prius this morning.

Isaac hits the nail on the head today with a litmus test for the flock that's running for the Multnomah County Commission.

The Portland Development Commission remains wedded to Opus Northwest as the developer for the Burnside Bridgehead project -- the controversial development on the east side of the Burnside Bridge. This week they'll talk about extending the commitment to Opus yet again, for another year, despite the fact that after three years and several previous contract extensions, the whole plan for the site has gone nowhere. They would have stimulated the local economy more if they had simply installed a cemetery.

There's little or nothing left of the original project that competing developers and outraged neighbors once fought so bitterly over. Why not scrap the whole thing and start over? No, instead they'll wish and hope and scheme and dream some more, and supposedly negotiate with prospective tenants in secret. More smoke-filled room stuff. (Picture some buzzed Home Depot execs nodding out on a leather couch, the PDC guys in kneepads moaning "please, please...," and the Opus guys drawling "That site shore is purty.")

Along with the latest round of foolishness is coming a "rebranding." Maybe if they start calling the project by a new name, eventually the Google searches will stop exposing the long-term futility of the whole thing.

But the folks at the PDC seem to have neglected an important feature of public process here in Portland -- the valuable citizen input that constitutes the riches of our city. They can't "rebrand" the Burnside Bridgehead without hearing from us, now, can they? Of course not!

And so, in our continuing spirit of public service, we hereby solicit your views on a new name "brand" for the Burnside Bridgehead project. Couplet Meadows? The Charrette Minaret? Void Center? The Hurl District? Readers, do your civic duty in the comments.

While we've been focusing on the upcoming Portland City Council elections -- and the grotesque sideshow of who's cheating whom with their "clean money" -- a couple of other local elections are drawing near with nary a peep out of the blogosphere.

Over at Metro (the folks who are about to hand you the Convention Center Hotel), as usual nobody gives much of a darn, and the Network Formerly Known as Goldschmidt will still have their hands in everyone's wallet, extracting cash for the Hoffman Construction set. So far, three incumbents are running unopposed, and a fourth has a single political unknown as an opponent. Given that within a few years these folks may be taking over all the bridges and Tri-Met, you'd think there'd be more interest in these positions, but no. Joe Taxpayer remains fast asleep, just the way the Old Boys want it, and there are smiles all around over the shrimp cocktails at the Arlington Club.

Nearby, three Multnomah County Commission seats are up for grabs, as the last two of the Mean Girls head off to Pilates, and Uncle Fester gets to spends more time with the Golf Channel. Unlike the snoozefest at Metro, there are quite a few folks popping up to vie for these offices. Maybe they want a good seat on the tour boat when the Sellwood Bridge comes down.

In District 1, which was Maria Rojo de Steffey's seat, the candidates so far are Deborah Kafoury, Wes Soderback (right), and Mark Newey. I am so relieved. After several years of aching and longing, Portlanders will once again have someone named Kafoury to vote for. It's God's way.

In District 3, formerly represented by Lisa Naito (whose dedication persisted even after she wound up living somewhere else), we have Rob Milesnick, Judy Shiprack, Mike Delman, Roy Burkett, and Bruce Barclay. What? No Ron McCarty? At least at first glance, you've got to go with Shiprack -- there's a name that fits right in with the current state of county government.

And in District 4, Lonnie Country, the candidates are Gresham Police Chief Carla Piluso, Diane McKeel, and Ken Quinby. But hey, the deadline for filing for county offices is March 11 -- roughly three business weeks away -- and we're thinking someone else could be jumping into that one. If Bernie's not too busy with you-know-who, he may very well want to take a shot at it.

Alas, the job itself is to try to lure real biotech employment to the sterile canyons of the SoWhat District while the bankruptcy buzzards circle above. It's another Portland Development Commission position that it looks like they're having trouble filling. But hey, it pays nice dough. What happened to the guy who was in that post just a short while ago?

The cloud of foul-smelling emissions surrounding the new Portland transportation tax (coming soon to your water bill) gets thicker and stinkier by the day. Now it seems that although the City Council still plans to put the new tax up for a public vote in November, they'll be delaying taking formal action to do so until after the mayoral election in May.

Remember when the "fee" was so urgent that it had to be passed without a public vote? That James Monroe would have wanted it that way? Remember when the council had a change of heart and said it was going to play like grownups? Refer the tax to the voters now, and face the music for the next eight months? Well, all that's on hold because Sam the Tram's running for mayor, and he wants you to forget that he's in charge of this fiasco.

Or who knows? Maybe one day soon we'll open our water bills and find the tax on there, as he's figured out a way to slip it onto the books without anyone noticing. Or maybe he'll just wait 'til Grampy's gone and ram the whole thing through on the second of January, with no vote at all.

If you think the vote manipulations are infantile, wait until he's mayor and this sort of thing becomes a weekly occurrence. Never before has this once-great city been jerked around so badly. Vera Katz will look like Mary Poppins in comparison.

Now that he's running for President again, Ralph Nader will get Secret Service protection. And he is going to need it.

Bad news! You dropped them into that case that you were stealing the gun out of.

All day long, the beauty and charm of the mountain. Upon arriving home, the smell of winter-blooming daphne in the drive, and the taste of a well crafted ale brewed just up the street. Life is good.