Portland to ban disposable razors
The Portland City Council is set to vote next week on new rules banning the sale of disposable razors within the city limits. The proposed ordinance, which seems likely to pass, is touted as another sign of the city's leadership in environmental matters.
"Communities must get out in front on issues of unnecessary consumer waste," said Susan Anderson, the city's sustainability director. "Disposable razors clog our solid waste management equipment, wreak havoc with recycling sorting machinery, and pose serious hazards for countless residents who are trying to compress two weeks' worth of solid waste into the container destined for the landfill."
Supporters of the new restrictions, which would take effect on March 15, have argued for years that plastic razors cause grave environmental harm because of their composition out of fossil fuels. "Bans are often considered a massive government invasion into private business," said Shane Ziegler, president of the lobbying group Society for Truth and Unlimited Beard Length (STUBL). "But an invasion into private business is often warranted when a product is causing significant economic and environmental damage on a massive scale—and must be replaced with something safe.
"Citizens of China, Mexico, India and countries throughout Africa and Europe groom themselves without disposable razors. It's time we join them and spend our tax dollars on active transportation and equity initiatives—not cleaning up the plastic industry's mess."
The proposed city rules would exempt the use of disposables for medical purposes, such as shaving a patient's chest before an electrocardiogram. It would also allow retailers to sell out existing inventory before July 1.
The ordinance as finally drafted represents a compromise between Commissioner Dan "Legend" Saltzman, who opposed any restrictions, and Commissioner Amanda Fritz, a self-styled former psychiatric nurse, who supports banning all shaving of any body parts. "Research has shown that one in three women leave the shower running while they shave their legs," Fritz explained. "We're wasting around 50 billion litres of water a year, for no good reason." She added that shavings washed down household drains can clog the city's sewers, thus undoing the benefit of the recently completed Big Pipe project. "The most responsible course is to let it grow out, cut it with ordinary scissors, and carefully deposit it in one of the many bioswales being installed throughout our neighborhoods."
Fritz added that she would prefer a statewide ban on shaving, but that until one is passed by the Oregon legislature, city ordinances were effective in curbing unhealthy practices. In addition to the city proposal, State Sen. Ginny Burdick (D-Portland) has announced that she intends to introduce legislation prohibiting the use of disposable razors by those under the age of 17.
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Comments (25)
Somehow these pretend stories don't work for me. Maybe it is the onion in them.
Posted by niceoldguy | January 31, 2013 9:01 PM
Is this an early April Fool's joke?
Posted by Peggy | January 31, 2013 9:02 PM
It sounds plausible to me. I mean, this is Portlandia after all...
Posted by Michael Pingree | January 31, 2013 9:04 PM
"An egg without salt is like a kiss from a beardless man." Irish Proverb.
Posted by Tom | January 31, 2013 9:04 PM
What's a disposable razor?
Posted by PDXLifer | January 31, 2013 9:10 PM
The Nurse is just bearding for Sam.
Posted by Old Zeb | January 31, 2013 9:13 PM
I love it Jack. You poke fun, but surely our mentally ill leaders have similar methods of insane and irrational thinking in store of us soon.
I think Ginny Burdick isn't in favor of all disposable razors being banned (for now), just ones with three blades or more.
Posted by J.H. Winton | January 31, 2013 9:34 PM
Jack the city pays thousands to the creative class to come up with such brilliant ideas, they certainly don't need your suggestions poisoning the well. Next it will be reusable tampons for hecks sake!(can I get paid for that idea?)
Posted by TheD Man | January 31, 2013 9:51 PM
Deodorant is also on the watch list. Maybe just a hefty tax, not an outright ban.
Posted by Jack Bog | January 31, 2013 10:25 PM
Lack of links tips the hat to parody.
In the RSS feed version, looked believable.
Posted by Mike (one of the many) | January 31, 2013 10:28 PM
Ban?
Why would you Ban something that isn't even used?
Just one more useless law.
Posted by Lc Scott | January 31, 2013 10:29 PM
I think we should add home-use wax strips to the list. Those things must stick to sorting machinery and really gum up the works.
After that, let's go to used toothbrushes. I mean, you're supposed to replace them every 3 months. How wasteful!
Posted by Molly | January 31, 2013 10:33 PM
Lack of links tips the hat to parody.
I threw in a few links to dress it up a little.
Posted by Jack Bog | January 31, 2013 10:36 PM
You totally had me up to "STUBL." Even then I was nibbling up until the Fritz "quotes."
Brilliant. What this has all over The Onion, besides being at least as well executed, is that it could just as easily be true.
Too bad you Portlandians can't order garbage and leaf pick-up from Amazon.
Posted by sally | February 1, 2013 5:34 AM
I was panicked for a moment -- until I realized I don't live in Portland anymore.
Posted by talea | February 1, 2013 5:47 AM
Oh, that attitude about banning the shaving and trimming of all body hair hits a nerve. For the last thousand years, my family has prided itself on finding uses for our extremely long and strong nose hair, and you aren't truly a man in my family unless you can knit a Tom Baker scarf out of it. Besides making lassos, bolos, and the occasional emergency fire ladder, I'm proud to say that our nose hair opened up opportunities for women in a fundamentally patriarchial clan: tie a rock to the end of the nose hair rope, and the women could go into battle alongside the men.
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | February 1, 2013 6:53 AM
What's a liter?
Posted by Garage Wine | February 1, 2013 7:03 AM
I hear that Americans For Nitpicking are launching the website www.weluvlice.org in support of the razor ban.
Posted by Newleaf | February 1, 2013 7:04 AM
After the razors, can we get a law passed regarding those annoying parking meter stubs? What about community college catalogs? Then the excess newspaper stands.
God, you could spend an entire term just writing laws to fix things around here. Plus you wouldn't have even started on the real problems which would give the next guys something to address (if ever).
Posted by Steve | February 1, 2013 7:50 AM
Next on the docket: disposable diapers. Add this one to your "list" and watch the sh*t hit the fan (heh)
Texas - watch out! I recently received a "come on" from a local waxing place. First they hit up the ladies with the bikini wax offer and then they added men, including a "nose hair wax."
I don't even want to know how they go about doing that.
Posted by NW Portlander | February 1, 2013 9:49 AM
Damn! I totally went for it!
SO Portlandia!
Posted by Portland Native | February 1, 2013 10:49 AM
What's next- mandatory Birkenstocks to go with the unshaven legs?
How about a ban on patchouli, aka hippy air pollution.
Posted by Oregon Mamcita | February 1, 2013 12:15 PM
Well, at least i didn't swallow the sinker this time.
Posted by concordbridge | February 1, 2013 1:30 PM
Thanks for the heads-up, Jack. It was a stretch financially but I managed to lay in a lifetime supply before the ban takes effect.
Posted by Allan L. | February 2, 2013 7:19 AM
Why can't we follow Singapore: no gum? It's gotta be a problem in the landfill.
Posted by Don Lief | February 3, 2013 2:52 AM