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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Order restored to universe

We were only half watching the television one night last week when we heard something that snapped us to attention. It was that familiar nasal voice, rattling off the latest prices for pillow-tops! Queen sets! And only $99 "each piece"!

Yes, it was the grand dame of Portland area bedding, Sherri Hiner, back pitching a new Mattress World store chain, which as we vaguely understand it is owned by somebody other than her nowadays. And if they don't beat the price on any comparable mattress, then the mattress is still free! As if.

She's been through some changes, all right. The business is gone. The husband is long gone. There's no sign of the kids any more -- they're probably pushing college age. But her saving you money -- that's eternal.

It reminds us a little bit of when Tom Peterson tanked, and then came back with "Gloria, too!" tacked on. Reincarnation is a regular thing on local late night commercials.

We find the mattress ads positively soothing compared to the other stuff that they're surrounded by. The fluoridation ads are downright creepy. Somebody's so hot to trot that they're coming on with a TV pitch, already even though the Portland City Council overlords haven't even passed an ordinance yet. And when they do, they aren't going to let the public vote on it unless the public collects beaucoup signatures to force the matter onto the ballot, many months from now. But the drilling into the public mind has already begun.

Who's going to make money off that project? We're not buying that all that ad time and production is being paid for by people who have only the little kiddies' molars in mind. Is it the engineers who will build the fluoridation plant? We should ask Fireman Randy -- he's probably got them on his Favorites list on his smart phone.

And then there are the ads for the casino out at the old dog track. What a load. There are going to be concerts! And a farmers' market! And jobs, jobs, jobs. Like magic. No negative impacts to worry about, at all. The pitch is so disingenuous that it gets a "no" vote, without need for any further discussion.

We've got to hand it Sherri. Compared to these shady characters, she looks pretty good.

Comments (15)

A week ago or so I saw John Hiner (her ex) on the tube advertising his own mattress store on the east side.

I had a dream last week. Actually it was a nightmare. I dreamed I had walked into the Mattress-Wholesale-World-Warehouse-Discounters store and had just missed the BIG Sale by half an hour. Worse yet I couldn't find their restroom.

One thing fluoride is is a highly toxic and not easily disposed of by-product of metals processing. Look there.

"Who's going to make money off that project?"

Randy's next employer. He really needs a gig to supplement his two public pensions.

Honest hucksterism is better than dishonest hucksterism.

Sherri's been back for a while. If you ever wondered what happened to John, here's your answer:


"It's not too late to fluoridate your baby, Portland World."

He really needs a gig to supplement his two public pensions.

Won't he be getting three?

John Hiner, the whining "victim." He always struck me as a real winner with an ego problem in those commercials, which came off to me as though Sherry always had to be standing BEHIND him, in her "place." Of course, he doesn't say WHY he was "asked to leave." One can only imagine. Ugh.

And don't forget Scott Thomason..."if you don't come see me today I can't save you any money".
He left under a cloud of child molestation, porno and DUIs, and reinvented himself in San Francisco, with the help of his wealthy wife, and the former head of the Portland Art Museum, John Buchanan. Now Thomason's name is in big gold letters on the wall of the SF museum of Asian art!

The "hard to find" Mattress World at 122 & Glisan moved kitty-corner into the shopping mall by Safeway. I haven't driven through the parking lot to check it out, but the space can't be much larger than a couple of California Kings shoved together.

(Scott Thomason) left under a cloud of...

He sold his "empire" to the Asbury Automotive Group, a major national chain of auto dealers, and agreed to stay on as a Vice-President for a number of years which he did. When his contract was up, he fled town.

Asbury would later say that the Thomason dealership group was the worst performing dealerships of any of their dealerships and disposed of them once Thomason was gone. A number of them were sold to a "Premier Automotive Group" owned by a Joe Corazoni (or something like that) and he went belly-up himself after a couple years.

Thomason, much richer, went south to the Bay Area. He seems to be doing well. Probably the most well known rich businessman to tell Oregon to "take it and shove it". Then again, Ron Tonkin doesn't even live in the state either from what I've heard...he too lives in California.

The mattress market (demographic) plum evades me. I canNOT figure out who buys mattresses. Out of nowhere, 20 years ago comes the Sale Mattress advertising deluge ... it was so big it floated Rush Lamebrain's boat for a couple of years, underwriting the whole hatetalk radio catapult when early sponsors pulled back, burned. After Snapple, Mattresses. What. The. Farookin. Huh?

Now (2012) almost all sponsors have abandoned the hatetalker pariahs and only a few are left -- 'proud' among the last few supporting hatetalk is Mattress Mongers in capitals. I can't believe people-customers mob a store to buy a mattress, and if they do why would they come back again in less than 20 or 30 years? Where's the market? I 'get' cars. I 'get' appliances, some of them, ("mic o'waves"), sort of. I don't 'get' mattresses. I'm worried I'm naive not to know there is contraband or something (gun running?) stashed in the mattresses, they're just a ruse.

For folks who enjoy the beauty of watching the sun set and die and go midnight black, all year Lamebrain and Lars and ALL of 'them' have been losing sponsors, and nowadays, listening to the programs you hear them filled with non-revenue PSA's and station promos and trade-in-kind from other broadcasters, and the whole hatetalk enchilada is hung out twisting slowly, dying, right in front of your ears to watch a gorgeous sinking going-down gassy flare out.
Millions Lost: Rush Limbaugh Continues To Be Bad For Business - Cumulus CEO tells investors that Limbaugh ad troubles remain a "drag" on business, Media Matters Blog, August 10, 2012, ANGELO CARUSONE
But mattress merchants continue buying that air time, big time. Is there like the 'Walmart Shopper' stereotype for some 'Mattress Shopper' profile, all the customers in the store are carrying guns? or on the military dole? coming in from their bunkers after listening and synchronizing watches to hatetalk all morning? all week? Wha'? WTF?

You've got to give Tom Peterson props for being in the Gus Van Zant movies. That's a level of Portland cool that Portlandia can only dream about.

Wow. So, Tuesday after Labor Day, Hiner is on the phone to Lars for 30 minutes' airtime to explain 'away' all the misunderstanding, (endemic, and aggravated by this bojack post) regarding her situation ("not doing well") and condition ("(still) a victim of public good /slash/ government, which victimizes so many people just trying to make a little wealth for themself").

She straightened out the misunderstandings all right. Just so we (the dozen dirty Lars listeners) know. She's not 'bounced back,' she is 'not doing well.' She does not own any (attachable) assets, she is a made victim of wealth made (cutting corners, such as cutting out the tax collector).

Her hope for the future is that hatetalk broadcasters can save or even resurrect her after all the mattress money she (and hers) laid out for them last century.
That's her Public Relations straight from the horse's mouth (through Larson screen).

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