Communion of saints
It had been a full day of cross-country skiing -- marathon proportions, by our recent standards -- and when the kids went to bed, I crashed too. It was one of those rare fatigues that wasn't so much drowsiness as physical exhaustion. My legs and arms were pretty well played out, and so feeling the effects of a couple of celebratory ales and a great dinner, I conked out.
After a while, I dreamed that I was lounging in front of a video screen and explaining to a dark-haired woman what a big day I had had on the mountain. And then she was before me -- my father's sister, the one who had died so early. She was young and full of life. I couldn't believe my eyes, and so I opened them really wide and took her in with every bit of concentration I could muster. It was her, all right.
"She didn't die!" I said to myself. "Gosh, I'm going to be so embarrassed in front of the Mrs. I told her that this aunt had died." But I knew that that part of it was going to be all right, because the Mrs. is so good with anything having to do with family, and with all the other things that I can't keep straight.
The aunt and I talked about the fire that had recently destroyed several houses in the old neighborhood. "I know," she told me, "I stood on Mary Ann's back porch." "Did they knock the house down?" I asked, but the two of us got distracted by something else and that part of the conversation petered out.
I gave her a big, long hug. I couldn't get over how beautiful she looked, and how good she felt.
Now, I have been listening to a bunch of Bruce Springsteen's music this week, much of which seems to be about mortality lately, and so it wasn't too surprising that he was in the room, too. I get rock stars in my dreams sometimes. He and my aunt made some conversation while I was busy doing other stuff.
When I joined back into talking with her, I wanted to catch up on so many things, none of which Springsteen would be interested in. When he saw our talk resuming, he made himself busy looking at some art on the wall. By way of apology for turning the subject back to family matters, I told him, "This is an appearance," I told him, "that never comes, no matter how much you want it to."
And with that, the dream got too big for me to keep it going. The light, the buzz were overwhelming. I awoke with a start and found myself crying.
It was not possible to get right back to sleep after this sort of visitation. After a while, our five-year-old made a bathroom stop, and the light from the bathroom shone in on me. I opened my eyes, leaned over to where I could see her, and gave her a wave and a smile, which she returned.
It was at that point that I realized that what I had said to Springsteen wasn't really true. My aunt and the rest of the family do appear to me, every day, in our children. Lucky me.
| Posted at 1:49 AM | Permalink |
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Comments (3)
Darn you, Jack, this blog's not supposed to make me cry! Thank you for your generosity in sharing such a personal and touching dream/insight. I still get visits from my father after almost 12 years, and I see him everyday in my amazing kids. We don't really stop having relationships with loved ones when they die; it just takes on a different form.
Posted by Doris | February 9, 2009 9:40 AM
You're not only bright and talented; you share your personal life with us. Your sharing seems genuine. Thank you.
Don
Milwaukie, OR
Posted by don | February 9, 2009 9:41 AM
This instantaneous interpretation occurred that I may offer. Dream symbology is both in and out of my reach, (as disclaimer).
This time is propitious. After Moonset (out of sight) this morning on the West Coast, there was an eclipse of the Moon in Leo, shaded by Earth from the Sun's light in Aquarius.
Leo is 'regal' (the 'King,' the 'Boss') and by dint of Will power;
Aquarius is 'humankind' (the 'commoners,' the 'lore' and 'folks') and by dint of Knowledge experience.
In further respects, Leo is authority, Aquarius is truth. So see:
It (life, evolution) is difficult for those who inscribe authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority.
---
Your aunt represents the generation before -- your father's generation. Springsteen (and celebrity stardom) represents this generation -- your peers. Your 5-year-old personifies the generation next -- future you create and provide.
The generation before has died, and that represents the old-said 'American dream' or, in a word: capitalism; (also, 'free market' and 'competitive commerce'). Your generation has lauded itself, made the music (and art) which shall be of great succor for future ones who suffer sorrow so; but does not save this generation (from mortality), who cry in the knowledge. The generation after brings in the light humankind's mundane, circadian, routine, daily processes (of biologic manifest), as was known in the generation(s) before, living by sociality (cooperative labor). (Maybe: Music and art is 'play' -- your generation. Craft and trade is 'work' -- the experience of all (eleven) 'other' generations. A variation in other symbology for the same archetypal truth: In the twelve 'tribes of Israel,' one is musicians and artists, and that is your 'tribe'; sort of 'non-productive.')
Your dream shows you the American myth which claims 'elite' and 'servile' classes of persons/society/culture exist separate and differentiated (under Law); myth enacted in the Constitution and maintained unto and through your father's generation, that myth is passing away, dying, dead -- "the dream got too big for me to keep it going." You are shown this generation (in an 'awareness' born circa 1944-1973) appreciates the pinnacle 'golden age,' and has stood around "busy looking at some art on the wall." You are shown that folk-learned knowledge (i.e., common sense) can pass from a generation before to a generation beyond and so afford (and survive) even skipping a 'non-productive' (playful) generation in between.
Yours is that 'art full' generation, and in that fact of life is innocence, no guilt; the dream shows you a way clearing guilt sense from your conscience and being able, (even obligated) to renounce the ways of your parents (without guilt) and to announce (as avatar) the ways of your children (without guilt).
You are authorized to act in breaking down the work of past generations and starting up the work of future generations -- that authority is in the truth of your generation.
---
The past generations ended in a Great Depression, the future generations begin out of a Great Depression, the generation in between (yours, the 'link'), momentarily holds all power, all money, all genetic lineage, ('regal,' 'poised in peak experience on the mountain'), and realizes it all is mere ephemera. In Art, do not persist the old. In Art, do not consist the new. Only transcend.
This generation, your/my/our generation, is musical interlude -- the actual visitation, in Truth.
---
Perhaps relevant links:
Sleeps.COM /analysis.
Common Dreams.ORG - news assays and essays.
Posted by Tenskwatawa | February 9, 2009 2:08 PM