Portland schools chief Vicki Phillips is reported in fair condition at this hour after what school officials call a fainting spell at district headquarters early this morning. "She was up all night looking at the weather reports," said a staffer close to the dynamic superintendent. "They were reporting that it might snow, it might not, maybe just in some places, maybe a lot, maybe not a lot. Finally, I think she just cracked."

Medical crews were rushed to the agency's crisis headquarters off Northeast Broadway, where neighbors were wakened by the early morning commotion. "She looked pretty bad when they wheeled her out," said Elgin Roundtree, who lives across the street. "She had on, like, an Army helmet and some kind of camouflage outfit, and her hair was all messed up. She kept saying, 'Johnny can't walk in the snow.' I think she was having some kind of a breakdown."

An emergency team took Phillips to the OHSU Wellness Center in the SoWhat district, where at last report they were waiting for an aerial tram. A spokesperson for the school district said that a final decision on whether to close schools today in light of the severe weather will not be made until about 3 p.m. "We've decided that it's better to wait until all the facts are in," the spokesperson explained.

Meanwhile, the temperature in Portland hovered dangerously close to the 37-degree mark as drizzle continue to pound the area. Stay tuned to bojack.org Storm Center 9000 for the latest developments on the late winter storm crisis. It's better than checking with your stock broker.