Tri-Met is testing new equipment on its buses, that will announce to pedestrians when the bus is about to turn. The buses will say, "Pedestrian, bus is turning. Pedestrian, bus is turning."
But if the buses can talk, why should they say only one thing? Here now are the --
Top 10 Other Things Tri-Met Buses Should Say
10. "Taxpayer, bend over. Taxpayer, bend over."
9. "Warning. Operator in bad mood."
8. "Cyclist, you are toast. Cyclist, you are toast."
7. "Guy in third row needs bath."
6. "WES works. WES works."
5. "Cars are evil. Cars are evil."
4. "This bus line is being discontinued for trains."
3. "Muertos a mi derecha."
2. "Driver is turning a page on his Kindle."
And the Number 1 Other Thing That Tri-Met Buses Should Say:
1. "Go by streetcar."
Comments (21)
How about "Bicyclist on the bridge: someone's getting off to kick your ass."
Maybe they should have a kill switch (no pun intended) that is connected to the crosswalk signals. That way, if it says "walk" the bus engine gets shut off so they dont run over anyone in the crosswalk.
How about "we used to be a great bus system responsive to the needs of our riders" but now we have cut necessary inner-city bus lines and the buses are no longer clean and do not run on time. Yes, there has been a horrible drift to the lrt, not the red or blue or yellow per se, but TriMet is dissipating it's resources in search of the almighty federal matching dollar. They need to remember WHY THEY ARE THERE, and that is to serve the people. And I'm not talking about the yuppie commuting in from Laurelhurst. I'm talking about the folks who can't afford cars, seniors, and the disabled. TriMet has forgotten its mission which is funny since they are there to keep pollution levels down per the Clean Air Act. Oh I can hardly wait for next summer when we get our asses fined off.
I can't wait until someone who doesn't speak english or spanish get hit and they start having a myriad of languages spewing for 10 minutes at every stop. What happened to learning the native language-english?
More than likely, the recordings will simply become part of the background noise of Downtown Portland. I pity those who live near a TriMet route turn in a residential area who will have to put up with this nanny state announcement 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.
What ever happened to common sense? Or looking to see if traffic is coming before crossing the street? Or waiting for the “walk” signal? Or the even larger list of traffic fatalities caused by private vehicle owners who don’t really know how to drive, they simply paid the license fee?
When I attended one of the TriMet Safety and Security Dog-and-Pony–er–Meetings, a consultant mentioned that within the previous few weeks of the meeting, a pregnant woman was struck and killed by a turning bus with audible and visual warnings.
Besides, the announcements miss the bus. (I could say “boat,” but that doesn’t make sense here.)
What the practically 20-year-old 1700s, 1800s, and 1900s should say:
“Caution: Bus is 20 years old and held together with string and duct tape. Watch for falling debris.”
For our friends who post links to relevant posts on sites like this:
“Visit this bus operators’ blog at (url)!”
And what all TriMet vehicles should say in Downtown Portland, turning or not:
“Panhandlers: Go to the social service agency and stop giving Portland such a bad name!”
"Toss your rightwingers under front flap -- LIARS first."
"Lurid. Lies. Sold you. Now hear this: All Twits remain in your assigned demographic profiles -- no cross-foliating. Be sure to tune-in tonight at 6 o'clock for the dose that splatters your view, sponsored by Your Message Here."
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 21
At this date last year: 52
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Comments (21)
How about "Bicyclist on the bridge: someone's getting off to kick your ass."
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | March 1, 2011 1:36 PM
Don't forget, "Employers, pay up: your payroll tax is due."
Posted by Eric | March 1, 2011 2:53 PM
Approaching 82nd, the Avenue of Roses. Please have your passports ready.
Posted by Tony Columbo | March 1, 2011 2:59 PM
Wait a second, were we channeling each other this afternoon?
http://djcoregon.com/news/2011/03/01/top-10-other-things-trimet-buses-should-shout/
Posted by Aaron Spencer | March 1, 2011 3:18 PM
"Driver made over $100,000 last year. Thank you for your support."
Posted by Rich | March 1, 2011 3:20 PM
"Oops, I'm sorry. Did that hurt? It looked very painful."
Posted by none | March 1, 2011 3:30 PM
Please translate these unto hmong. Thank you and ua koj tsaug.
Posted by Allan L. | March 1, 2011 3:31 PM
How about: (Crickets chirping) at a stop where a bus used to run but no longer is because of light rail expenditures.
Posted by Madrugada Mistral | March 1, 2011 3:53 PM
"You can't get there from here"
"Bạn không thể đến đó từ đây"
"We don't go there anymore"
"Chúng tôi không đến đó nữa"
Thank you Google translate, and no insult intended to my Vietnamese friends.
Posted by Mike (one of the many) | March 1, 2011 4:09 PM
People in glass shelters shouldn't throw bricks.
Posted by Mister Tee | March 1, 2011 4:20 PM
Maybe they should have a kill switch (no pun intended) that is connected to the crosswalk signals. That way, if it says "walk" the bus engine gets shut off so they dont run over anyone in the crosswalk.
Posted by Jon | March 1, 2011 4:22 PM
"We don't care. We don't have to.
We're Trimet!"
Posted by Bluecollar Libertarian | March 1, 2011 6:51 PM
Tri-Met: leave the pedestrians to us.
Posted by Scactcatpdx | March 1, 2011 6:52 PM
How about "we used to be a great bus system responsive to the needs of our riders" but now we have cut necessary inner-city bus lines and the buses are no longer clean and do not run on time. Yes, there has been a horrible drift to the lrt, not the red or blue or yellow per se, but TriMet is dissipating it's resources in search of the almighty federal matching dollar. They need to remember WHY THEY ARE THERE, and that is to serve the people. And I'm not talking about the yuppie commuting in from Laurelhurst. I'm talking about the folks who can't afford cars, seniors, and the disabled. TriMet has forgotten its mission which is funny since they are there to keep pollution levels down per the Clean Air Act. Oh I can hardly wait for next summer when we get our asses fined off.
Posted by Daisy Chain | March 1, 2011 7:20 PM
I can't wait until someone who doesn't speak english or spanish get hit and they start having a myriad of languages spewing for 10 minutes at every stop. What happened to learning the native language-english?
Posted by Bob | March 1, 2011 9:59 PM
And what about the deaf?
Posted by Jack Bog | March 1, 2011 11:52 PM
"We lied about how many cars we keep off the roads. The numbers are strictly a figment of our imagination."
Posted by Dave A. | March 2, 2011 6:21 AM
Sadly, I can't find a good way to translate "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?" into Klingon.
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | March 2, 2011 7:45 AM
TriMet. It's what made Rockwood famous.
Posted by Tony Columbo | March 2, 2011 8:41 AM
More than likely, the recordings will simply become part of the background noise of Downtown Portland. I pity those who live near a TriMet route turn in a residential area who will have to put up with this nanny state announcement 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.
What ever happened to common sense? Or looking to see if traffic is coming before crossing the street? Or waiting for the “walk” signal? Or the even larger list of traffic fatalities caused by private vehicle owners who don’t really know how to drive, they simply paid the license fee?
When I attended one of the TriMet Safety and Security Dog-and-Pony–er–Meetings, a consultant mentioned that within the previous few weeks of the meeting, a pregnant woman was struck and killed by a turning bus with audible and visual warnings.
Besides, the announcements miss the bus. (I could say “boat,” but that doesn’t make sense here.)
What the practically 20-year-old 1700s, 1800s, and 1900s should say:
“Caution: Bus is 20 years old and held together with string and duct tape. Watch for falling debris.”
For our friends who post links to relevant posts on sites like this:
“Visit this bus operators’ blog at (url)!”
And what all TriMet vehicles should say in Downtown Portland, turning or not:
“Panhandlers: Go to the social service agency and stop giving Portland such a bad name!”
Posted by Jason Barbour | March 2, 2011 11:07 AM
"Toss your rightwingers under front flap -- LIARS first."
"Lurid. Lies. Sold you. Now hear this: All Twits remain in your assigned demographic profiles -- no cross-foliating. Be sure to tune-in tonight at 6 o'clock for the dose that splatters your view, sponsored by Your Message Here."
These bus blurbs have been brought to you with:
Spy Bloggers Not ‘Friending’ U.S. Targets, Centcom Says, Common Dreams .ORG, Wednesday, March 2, 2011.
... shouting out loud over and over that it was conservative values that caused the global economic collapse: Talk matters because language heard over and over changes brains," George Lakoff .COM, February 19, 2011.
Posted by Tenskwatawa | March 2, 2011 1:32 PM