Portland Metro president candidate Rex Burkholder held a press conference this morning to condemn the attempted detonation of a large bomb inside an SUV in Times Square in New York over the weekend. "This near-tragedy shows the consequences of our dependence on foreign energy sources," Burkholder said. "In this era of peak oil, we need to wean ourselves from fossil fuels. An attack on Times Square is an attack on all of us, and it's particularly offensive in that it was done with a Nissan Pathfinder. Terrorists should realize the enormous benefits that come from use of alternative modes of transportation, such as bicycles. In this case, cycling would have saved on fuel costs and tolls, had virtually zero carbon footprint, and would have had numerous health benefits for the rider."
Burkholder noted that there are now bike lanes near Times Square that could have been employed for the bomber's mission. "In this era of climate change, economic uncertainty, and over-dependence on foreign oil," he told reporters, "we have to plan for and create viable transportation options."
It would have been much more palatable had the bomb maker used a Ford Flex.
Jack, when you say "It's a joke!" do you mean a) it didn't really happen and you just made it up; b) he was kidding when he said it; or c) all we can do is sadly laugh when confronted with such a total disconnect to reality?
I can't believe how irrationally and crazed these bike zealots are about 19th century transportation technology. It's like a cult really. When is someone going to start the horse and carriage movement here in Portland???? It'll be looked upon weirdly in the beginning, but in 15 years, our mayor will be a jockey. I mean come on, you don't have to manufacture a horse in a Chinese factory that exploits workers and is an environmental disaster. Horses aren't made of metals we raped the land to mine! Get your heads out of the sand Portland, let's be really green. Besides, we can compost the horse crap. It could be a city financed system to have horse crap removal carts.
In all seriousness, though, I'm surprised terrorists haven't used bike bombers yet. Sure, they couldn't carry the same payload as a car bomber, but think how easy it would be to travel swiftly with minimal suspicion into pedestrian-filled open spaces and then back out with both police on foot and in cars unable to pursue. With Western cities falling all over themselves to become biking meccas, I shudder to think of terrorists (and common criminals, for that matter) learning to use the ever-expanding networks of bike paths and bike boulevards and bike-friendly road rules to spread their mayhem.
Does Rex ride? or is the spandex and top-of-the-line bike just for photo-ops like with Mayor Creepy who more famously displayed a preference for full-size V8 demolition derby pickup trucks...
Saturday night I was a few blocks away from that house in SE that was severely vandalized and was a bit suspicious when larger than usual groups of rowdy cyclists and pedestrians seemed to be streaming in that direction.
They're already using bicycles... no registrations, no licenses, highly mobile, can go places where vehicles can't and can outrun pedestrians.
Jack, you got me good as evidenced by my post above. But that tells you how disillusioned I am with this town's management and what I believe to be the actual levels of intelligence as a collective whole of the lot. This brilliant blog of yours regarding Mr. Burkholder would not have surprised me if it were true. Especially in light of the television ads he is presently running!
Jack, you could easily substitute Bob Stacey for Rex in your "news release". I've seen Stacey biking in his shorts a few times. But he'd want to add that CRC should be only 4 lanes wide since we'll have 75% bike and mass transit ridership by 2025.
MINE, BABY MINE!! We need all the coal we can get to feed into Boardman to power all those light rail and streetcar trains that'll criss-cross the entire Portland metro area!
For some reason, I'm reminded when former Dallas mayor Annette Strauss decided to stop city business for an important sanction. See, she'd heard the weekend before of a press release from Donald Wildmon, claiming that an episode of "The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse" showed Mighty Mouse snorting cocaine. Annette, who never let two whole thoughts into her tiny brain, decided that the City Council needed to write a letter denouncing this and send it to Walt Disney Studios posthaste. Annette not only didn't know that Disney was responsible for Mickey Mouse, but when called on it, said "So?"
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
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Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 21
At this date last year: 52
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Portland Metro president candidate Rex Burkholder held a press conference this morning to condemn the attempted detonation of a large bomb inside an SUV in Times Square in New York over the weekend. "This near-tragedy shows the consequences of our dependence on foreign energy sources," Burkholder said. "In this era of peak oil, we need to wean ourselves from fossil fuels. An attack on Times Square is an attack on all of us, and it's particularly offensive in that it was done with a Nissan Pathfinder. Terrorists should realize the enormous benefits that come from use of alternative modes of transportation, such as bicycles. In this case, cycling would have saved on fuel costs and tolls, had virtually zero carbon footprint, and would have had numerous health benefits for the rider."
Comments (25)
Is this what he had in mind?
Posted by none | May 3, 2010 12:34 PM
OMG! He's delusional to reality!!!!!
Posted by Stu B | May 3, 2010 12:39 PM
He is actually advocating terrorist attacks using bikes?
Posted by Lawrence | May 3, 2010 12:51 PM
Nobody can be this dumb, can they?
Posted by Dean | May 3, 2010 12:53 PM
It's a joke! It's a joke!
Man -- second one today...
Posted by Jack Bog | May 3, 2010 12:58 PM
I've got nothing...I'm laughing too hard.
Posted by Jim | May 3, 2010 1:00 PM
You missed the press conference where he wanted to run bike lanes thru graveyards so he could raise the dead.
Why do I get the feeling that Portland is slowing slding back into the stone age? At least we will buy locally from other cave dwellers.
Posted by Steve | May 3, 2010 1:05 PM
You see, bikes are the solution for everything!*
*now fights terrorism
Posted by rw | May 3, 2010 1:17 PM
It would have been much more palatable had the bomb maker used a Ford Flex.
Jack, when you say "It's a joke!" do you mean a) it didn't really happen and you just made it up; b) he was kidding when he said it; or c) all we can do is sadly laugh when confronted with such a total disconnect to reality?
Posted by Michelle | May 3, 2010 1:21 PM
(a).
Posted by Jack Bog | May 3, 2010 1:29 PM
The last time someone in government here acted that irrationally it was Judge Shirley Fields and she had a massive brain tumor.
Posted by John Benton | May 3, 2010 1:31 PM
I can't believe how irrationally and crazed these bike zealots are about 19th century transportation technology. It's like a cult really. When is someone going to start the horse and carriage movement here in Portland???? It'll be looked upon weirdly in the beginning, but in 15 years, our mayor will be a jockey. I mean come on, you don't have to manufacture a horse in a Chinese factory that exploits workers and is an environmental disaster. Horses aren't made of metals we raped the land to mine! Get your heads out of the sand Portland, let's be really green. Besides, we can compost the horse crap. It could be a city financed system to have horse crap removal carts.
Posted by rw | May 3, 2010 1:32 PM
Heh. Nice one!
In all seriousness, though, I'm surprised terrorists haven't used bike bombers yet. Sure, they couldn't carry the same payload as a car bomber, but think how easy it would be to travel swiftly with minimal suspicion into pedestrian-filled open spaces and then back out with both police on foot and in cars unable to pursue. With Western cities falling all over themselves to become biking meccas, I shudder to think of terrorists (and common criminals, for that matter) learning to use the ever-expanding networks of bike paths and bike boulevards and bike-friendly road rules to spread their mayhem.
Posted by Eric | May 3, 2010 2:08 PM
Does Rex ride? or is the spandex and top-of-the-line bike just for photo-ops like with Mayor Creepy who more famously displayed a preference for full-size V8 demolition derby pickup trucks...
Posted by lie2me | May 3, 2010 2:09 PM
Saturday night I was a few blocks away from that house in SE that was severely vandalized and was a bit suspicious when larger than usual groups of rowdy cyclists and pedestrians seemed to be streaming in that direction.
They're already using bicycles... no registrations, no licenses, highly mobile, can go places where vehicles can't and can outrun pedestrians.
Posted by JC | May 3, 2010 2:59 PM
That this parody is so believable, speaks volumes about Rex.
Thanks
JK
Posted by Jim Karlock | May 3, 2010 3:24 PM
You had me going! JK has it right on!
Posted by portland native | May 3, 2010 3:49 PM
Jack, please remove the hook from my mouth. I was sure this was the real.
Are you sure the Mayor didn't actually tweet this very same thing?
Posted by cbb | May 3, 2010 4:02 PM
Had to check the calendar - it is May, isn't it?
Just think of all the nifty plastic explosives one could stuff into the tubing on a bike!
Posted by umpire | May 3, 2010 4:12 PM
Jack, you got me good as evidenced by my post above. But that tells you how disillusioned I am with this town's management and what I believe to be the actual levels of intelligence as a collective whole of the lot. This brilliant blog of yours regarding Mr. Burkholder would not have surprised me if it were true. Especially in light of the television ads he is presently running!
Posted by Stu B | May 3, 2010 4:17 PM
That's a joke right?
Posted by canucken | May 3, 2010 4:27 PM
Jack, you could easily substitute Bob Stacey for Rex in your "news release". I've seen Stacey biking in his shorts a few times. But he'd want to add that CRC should be only 4 lanes wide since we'll have 75% bike and mass transit ridership by 2025.
Posted by lw | May 3, 2010 4:44 PM
"This near-tragedy shows the consequences of failing to make the Bush tax cuts permanent," ___________ said.
Posted by Bark Munster | May 3, 2010 7:35 PM
Screw Big Oil.
MINE, BABY MINE!! We need all the coal we can get to feed into Boardman to power all those light rail and streetcar trains that'll criss-cross the entire Portland metro area!
Posted by Erik H. | May 3, 2010 9:17 PM
For some reason, I'm reminded when former Dallas mayor Annette Strauss decided to stop city business for an important sanction. See, she'd heard the weekend before of a press release from Donald Wildmon, claiming that an episode of "The New Adventures of Mighty Mouse" showed Mighty Mouse snorting cocaine. Annette, who never let two whole thoughts into her tiny brain, decided that the City Council needed to write a letter denouncing this and send it to Walt Disney Studios posthaste. Annette not only didn't know that Disney was responsible for Mickey Mouse, but when called on it, said "So?"
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | May 4, 2010 5:56 PM