Kim Jong-Il denounces Greek Cusina
In a surprise announcement, North Korea strongman Kim Jong-Il this morning declared that the Greek Cusina restaurant in downtown Portland should be closed for fire code violations.
The Communist dictator was effusive in his praise of the actions taken by Portland city commissioner Randy Leonard in sending out his "hit" team of city inspectors to turn up numerous code violations at the boisterous Washington Street eatery and bistro. Kim's press office released this statement:
The respected and beloved Comrade Randy Leonard's high ascension to BES supreme commander laid a decisive basis for ceaselessly carrying forward the great construction cause of livability pioneered and led to victory by the great leader Comrade Randy Leonard and gloriously perfecting the great cause of the sustainability revolution by firmly inheriting military-first traditions passed down like so many recipes for Caesarean salad.Kim also announced a new sister city relationship between Portland and his own country's capital city, Pyongyang.
The respected and extremely fit comrade supreme commander walks the path along the frontline tirelessly, climbing roofs of burning schoolhouses, because he considers on-the-spot inspections of the people's uniformed units an indispensable part of his revolutionary schedule devoted to the defence of the security of the homeland and the happiness of the people, and he stood in a trench along the long defence line this year, bravely side by side with the commander of the great Army of Timber in the face of withering challenge.
The beloved and thickly pensioned comrade supreme commander's energetic on-the-spot inspections of blighted properties are the fundamental source of numerous miracles and innovations in strengthening the politico-ideological and military technology might of his revolutionary armed forces and preventing great loss of life.
The respected and beloved Supreme Commander Comrade Randy Leonard, knowing danger when he sees it, fortified the military bastions of his revolution like iron walls by grooming the Water Bureau as a revolutionary army winning all victories under his great military-first politics and work-first revolutionary leadership, sacrificing personal life while paving the way for glorious victories and amazing changes in the people's do-or-die war of defending public-private partnership and sustainable construction struggle on the basis of the city's planning power.
Under the outstanding leadership of the respected and beloved comrade supreme commander, his army and people have been able to sternly smash the anti-PDC isolation and suffocation policy and aggression manoeuvres of the convicted pornographer murderers running amok to wipe out the republic, a stronghold of smart growth, in an ultra-hard-line counter strike, defend the homeland, and proudly demonstrate the invincible greatness and ever-victorious spirit of the Portlandia, in its many emblematic food carts, the paths of bicycles, the neon rose and other display accomplishments.
As long as the Papas brothers' hostile policy against the republic continues, he will further strengthen the military deterrent from concept to construction in order to adhere to the system, and, if the enemies press on towards provoking a war of aggression, his army and people will mercilessly wipe out enemies as chlorine does to bacteria by their military-first power and resolutely defend the dignity and sovereignty of the city and Metro.
The road to revolution is long and hard, but the great cause of the green revolution will be always victories as long as Portland has the military-first revolutionary leadership of the respected and beloved Supreme Commander Comrade Randy Leonard, single-hearted unity among its union ranks, and invincible revolutionary armed forces.