Baby, baby, where did our fungo?
Years ago we found a Jackie Robinson autograph model baseball bat at a garage sale. We don't play baseball hardly ever, but we couldn't resist the pure coolness of the thing. Solid wood.
A short time after this purchase, we had two episodes of weirdos showing up around Blog Central within a few days of each other -- an odd coincidence, but it brought out our Newark upbringing. The next thing you know, the Jackie Robinson was stationed near the front door.
It's a grand northeast Portland tradition. Some of us who've lived in these parts for at least three decades remember that then-Mayor Frank Ivancie used to keep a bat under his bed, just in case. A Louisville Slugger, as we recall.
The Mrs. has since wisely retired our bat to another location in the house, but we couldn't help but think of it when we read this news story out of Eugene last night. And the guy's a Democrat!
A sad reflection on our times, the bat involved in the latest story is made of aluminum. We just hate that sickening "plinck" sound you hear when you club an intruder with one of those. The "clock" sound emanating from a strike with the Jackie Robinson would be much more in keeping with the tradition.
| Posted at 10:44 AM | Permalink |
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Comments (16)
I have an old Louisville Slugger once owned by Willie Horton. (The home run hitter, not the other guy.) Cracked and taped but quite usable, it was a gift from a Portland Beaver back in the wee '80s, when Mr Horton did a minor league stint here.
Posted by cosmiccharlie97 | January 6, 2013 11:43 AM
I keep an old fashioned heavy steel flashlight next to the bed. It is about two feet long, gives off a blinding beam, and weighs about 6 lbs. I like to see where I'm going and know what I'm hitting. The last resort tool is usually in my back pocket if the flashlight fails to gain the proper attention.
Posted by gibby | January 6, 2013 12:00 PM
A little duct tape, and the flashlight and the baseball bat combine to make a pretty sophisticated defense mechanism.
Posted by Allan L. | January 6, 2013 12:28 PM
I still prefer Glock.
Posted by John Benton | January 6, 2013 12:36 PM
Then I learned that most Aluminum bats don't "plinck" anymore and some sell for major dollars. Golly was I surprised.
But wait, many more people in the US are killed with baseball bats than guns, so say the Feds.
Posted by Abe | January 6, 2013 2:47 PM
Abe - The stats on that (I know you were joking, but still)
http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-8
Rifles of any kind tend to be a pretty minor problem statistically. The pistol rates are pretty high, but aren't getting much press.
My home defense scheme includes machetes, crowbars, axes/hatchets, baseball bats and night sticks. They are all over, it's kinda crazy. My family has always been that way. Heavily armed ex-military types.
Posted by Jo | January 6, 2013 3:16 PM
John Benton -
Glock, schmolck.
Over advertised and over hyped.
The real question is what caliber, and what type bullet (weight/ configuration)if you mus have a handgun..
For home defense, I'm partial to the shortest legal barrel 12 ga. pump, with 6 rounds, alternating a 00 buck round with a rifled slug round. The sound of a 12 ga. pump being racked is also an amazing deterrent. Its a unique, and frightening, sound, for any miscreant.
Posted by Nonny Mouse | January 6, 2013 5:35 PM
My concerned and loving neighbor gave me an old wood baseball bat to keep next to my bed. That was 20 years ago. It's still there - I'm happy to have never used it.
Posted by Molly | January 6, 2013 8:11 PM
Nonny - Oh yes, the old pump sound. Chuh-chik. That'll send 'em running every time.
There were some shenanigans out our camp site once when I was younger. The rangers had to come deal with it. We didn't even know they had showed up until one of the rangers racked one in. That's a very loud sound in the middle of the night out camping.
15 campers ran 15 directions. The situation was instantly diffused.
Posted by Jo | January 6, 2013 8:38 PM
The only time I had a prowler in my yard out here in Clackistan, the charging handle of my CAR-15 (with the obligatory 30 round mag) made a reassuring little "ka-chunk..."
Posted by HMLA-267 | January 6, 2013 9:15 PM
As I recall, Mrs. Ivancie may have moved the bat so it was not as handy for the Mister to use on her.
Posted by overlookjulie | January 6, 2013 11:38 PM
I have a machete, which I agree makes more of a mess but a gooey front porch tends to deter other rogues.
Posted by GEORGE | January 7, 2013 8:28 AM
Goodwill often has old wood bats for the traditional among you. Old metal bats, too. The new expensive doublewall bats tend to dent when coming in contact with craniums.
Posted by umpire | January 7, 2013 9:21 AM
He has a gun? He should be shunned, SHUNNED!, by all good Democrats!
Posted by Sam T. | January 7, 2013 9:55 AM
My bat is a kid's bat that I can easily swing with one hand. In the other hand I have a 15" Steel Maglite. The strategy is to blind 'em then brain 'em. Fortunately I haven't had to actuallly test this method in real life.
Posted by Usual Kevin | January 7, 2013 10:49 AM
Swell idea Kev, but, does you bat travel at 3400 feet per second?
Posted by HMLA-267 | January 7, 2013 11:56 PM