Jack, she is never going to forget this.

*Damned* funny, Jack.

I think we're approaching the baby elephant all wrong. Yes, elephants in zoos are being exploited but the key is they're not being exploited enough.

Have you heard about this really expensive coffee in Thailand that is made after coffee beans are fed to an elephant and reemerge in the dung? The beans are then carefully recovered from the steaming piles. It's true. Apparently the elephant's stomach acid breaks down the protein that causes bitterness in the beans resulting in the smoothest tasting coffee in the world.

But why waste time explaining the science? The sh*t sells for 500 dollars a pound or $50 a cup. For that much you should have to snort the grounds off a countertop.

We have a new elephant, yes? And it is soon going to be eating solid food, correct? How can it possibly know what its natural diet is? It'll live and die at the zoo. For all it knows, coffee beans are a big part of an elephant's food. So start feeding it coffee beans. Mix everything it needs to eat in with the coffee. Maybe it'll enjoy it.

Then we get the spokespeople from the zoo to sort through the dung. It'll be like what we go through with their press releases.

The next thing you know we'll have Metro Coffee on sale at the zoo gift shop for big bucks. Maybe not $500 a pound but whatever the market will bear. There's only so much you can make off a T-shirt, although let's not limit ourselves. The Zoo Elephant Coffee Mugs would look great as a gift item, and the right T-shirt could still be a big seller for us. You know, something catchy like, "I went to Portland and all I got was a 50 dollar cup of elephant sh*t." It has possibilities.

Remember, our costs will be low because we already are making money off the elephant just as an exhibit. Wait 'til it becomes a coffee bean factory. Not even "Have Trunk Will Travel" could exploit an elephant this much.

Think of the added revenue. It could be enough extra money to hold us over 'til we figure out how to put parking meters in the animal cages.

sh*t shots!!! catchy or say Crappicino's the possiblities are endless..