Couch potato heaven at 35,000 feet
We're back in Portlandia from an East Coast swing, and on the six-hour return flight last evening, we gave in to the temptation to plunk down eight bucks and watch TV on a screen on the back of the seat in front of us. We could pick from dozens of channels in the DirecTV lineup, and it turns out that pro sports fit our flight schedule perfectly.
First we watched the Sixers and the Celtics on the hardwood, switching over at halftime to the Rangers and the Devils in hockey. Then it was back to hoops for more Sixers-Celtics, and after some more hockey, it was the first game of the basketball series between the evil Lakers and the saintly Oklahoma City Thunder.
It was a satisfying menu -- at least, the basketball was. The Celtics got complacent and let the Sixers steal the game from them, which was fine with us. And the Thunder absolutely humiliated the Lakers, pretty much from start to finish but definitely in the third quarter. We relished every second of that one -- nothin' betta than showing up Metta. When we touched down in Portlandia and they pulled the plug on the video, there were only about three minutes left in the wonderful rout. The time had passed quickly.
The Devils lost to the Rangers, and we were a little bummed about that. Our original hometown of Newark doesn't need to be kicked around any more than it already is. Lately they've started having some serious security problems around their new arena, and if they don't get that cleaned up immediately, the city's few bright spots are likely to go dark once again. When the place opened, there was a heavy police presence at every event, but times have changed, and Newark is laying off cops. Not good.
But despite our sympathies for the Devils, we're mindful that the Rangers and Madison Square Garden go way back, and it wouldn't be terrible if they took home the Stanley Cup this year. That honor sure as heck doesn't belong in Southern California or Arizona. As Woody Allen once noted, "Santa Claus will get sunstroke."
It's a good thing we had the tube to take our mind off the fact that there wasn't a scrap of food offered to us at any point in the transcontinental flight. Not a pretzel, not a peanut. The CEO of United Airlines came on the screen and gave his little pep talk at the beginning, but hey Jeff, old buddy, you can't not feed people, even those willing to pay for the food. Between that and all the clods dragging the equivalent of covered wagons on board to avoid paying 25 clams to check a bag, the whole experience has become even more absurd than it was just a couple of years ago.
Not to mention the TSA, of course. On the way out of PDX, as we waited to be puffed and X-rayed and goosed and generally violated, a portly middle-aged guy in a uniform and a loud voice harangued us with a nonstop stream of commands and banter that he thought was funny. It's 6:30 in the morning, and this fellow was being paid to give us a lame standup routine. We couldn't help but think, "This is what single-payer health care will probably be like. Our poor kids."
| Posted at 5:44 AM | Permalink |
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Comments (8)
" We couldn't help but think, "This is what single-payer health care will probably be like."
Well, it's clear now that this isn't the time and place where you do your best thinking.
Posted by Allan L. | May 15, 2012 7:17 AM
Portly and TSA employee is redundant. No matter the gender, bearded is practically redundant as well.
Posted by Eric Morris | May 15, 2012 7:58 AM
I was very discouraged when the Lakers got past Denver, but I have to admit, there is something to learn from the way Metta World Peace handled the situation in OKC.
Rather than do what society wanted and adopt a contrite humble approach begging for forgiveness, he proceeded to remind everyone that yes, he is crazy, so they might as well get over it. He doubled down on nuts.
Pre-game handshake with Hardin? Metta said he doesn't shake hands with substitutes. He also marveled at how he would be the center of attention and how that was good for him, especially with Kobe and Durant in the house.
You can't reason with a crazy man, and as soon as the crowd got it, they booed, but they didn't act as outraged as everyone thought they would.
Metta World Peace put on a clinic out there. A clinic? He put on the whole asylum.
Posted by Bill McDonald | May 15, 2012 8:25 AM
Go Thunder. I know the NBA is following the sneaky marketing technique of professional wrestling by creating this villan named Metta World Peace (more like, Mental Piece). But I am a knowing sucker disliking this villan so much as to become really passionate about rooting against him and his team.
Posted by Bob Clark | May 15, 2012 8:59 AM
As long as we're talking about TV flipping, I have a good story this morning. A few months ago this nice teller at my bank whispered that she was going to be on Wheel of Fortune. Her name is Breanna and she couldn't be nicer. She's a PSU student, a true Blazer fan, and a great example of why I'm optimistic about today's young people.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I asked her how it had gone, and she told me how much she won. I asked her to repeat the number in case I had heard her wrong. It was impressive. After she told me, she tapped her head and said, "Hey, it's not just a hat rack, you know." So in addition to being smart she's funny too.
Last night they aired the episode. Breanna was brilliant and made 60 grand. 60 large. Not bad for a half hour's work. Plus her family got on camera too. Go, Breanna! Go Next Generation!
Posted by Bill McDonald | May 15, 2012 9:22 AM
Keep your government hands off my Medicare!
A post here a while back noted that the state won accolades for efficiently and effectively administering the SNAP program. That fact was overshadowed by the usual stories of allegedly outrageous food stamp abusers [hipsters driving BMWs buying artisian cheese at Whole Foods, oh my!], but it demonstrates that not all functions of government are equal, or even similar.
I've had government-run, "single payer" health care for years. I mostly deal with my doctor. The people I have (very occasionally) had to interact with in government have usually been polite, efficient and helpful.
Posted by Just sayin' | May 15, 2012 9:43 AM
Don't forget the high school junior from Portland that just finished second in the teen Jeopardy tournament that aired last week, Bill. She won more than the guaranteed $25,000. Way to go Rose Schaefer! My son is in love with you.
Not to diss the Wheel, but you have to work a lot harder to get big money on Jeopardy.
Posted by Ex-bartender | May 15, 2012 9:52 AM
I've been on that EWR-PDX flight several times in the past few months, as recently as 3 weeks ago.
Food has been always offered, as were drinks and pretzels. The Tapas box is quite tasty.
In any case, did you ask the flight attendants?
Agreed, 6 hours without any refreshments would be taxing.
In my experience, there is typically one pass thru the cabin offering the food boxes described in the back of the Hemispheres Magazine, ignoring a passenger if they are asleep, or in the rest room. Many times, I have experienced multiple offers of drinks and water, whether in Economy or First Class.
Perhaps there were operational problems with your particular flight.
When I have the time, though, I have purchased food in the airport, eating it before boarding or taking it aboard.
In any case, any non-stop is preferable to the connecting flights via Chicago, Denver, or Houston!
Posted by Mike (one of the many) | May 15, 2012 11:27 AM