Thirty-two skidoo
For what it's worth -- and that's questionable -- we survived the first round of the WW March madness mayoral tournament, defeating Greg Oden. Yes, it's unfair to beat on a cripple, and we're not proud of it, but that's what happened. We didn't ask for it.
But this week, we're screwed. We're facing a farookin' elephant. As any performer can tell you, when you're onstage with an animal, nobody sees you. Plus, he's turning 50 this year -- the pathetic carrot birthday cake, the whole thing. We may be seeded higher (3 vs. 11), but barring some kind of miracle, we're instant toast.
That's not to say we're going down without a fight. For one thing, Portlanders should remember that the elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party. Packy's campaign is probably taking money from Loren Parks.
And besides, Packy (not his real name) is a sellout -- performing for his Metro masters at taxpayer expense. If he had any leadership skills, he would have orchestrated a stampede of his fellow captive pachyderms long ago.
Not only that, "Packy" was also the nickname for Bob Packwood, who used to serve women box wine and tongue-kiss them even if they weren't into it. How can you vote for someone like that?
If those legitimate arguments don't work, we may have to resort to dirty tricks. We have experience with this sort of thing, and we have friends who could make a lot of trouble for him. So although we're starting out at a huge disadvantage, don't count us out just yet.
The ballot in our regional bracket apparently won't be ready for voting for a while. When it surfaces, vote early and often for the non-elephant!
| Posted at 2:06 PM | Permalink |
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Comments (12)
Sorry Jack,
Packy was born when I was a kid here. I knew Packy. Packy was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Packy.
Posted by Dave Lister | March 21, 2012 2:34 PM
Sorry Jack. I'm a twit but I don't twit. Anyway Packy has a thicker skin!
Posted by Bark Munster | March 21, 2012 2:37 PM
All the animals in the zoo are jumping up and down for you......
Posted by teresa | March 21, 2012 2:48 PM
WE WANT THUNDERDOME!
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | March 21, 2012 2:52 PM
I'm more in shock that Gus Van Sant buried, of all Portland hero's, Rusty Nails. What has this town come too!?
Posted by PDXileinOmaha | March 21, 2012 3:17 PM
"Cripple" is not the preferred nomenclature, Dude.
Posted by Pedantic | March 21, 2012 3:18 PM
Go Stenchy! It's true that elephants are afraid of mice:
http://youtu.be/wXiMs65ZAeU (Mythbusters)
Posted by Tung Yin | March 21, 2012 3:53 PM
I see distinct parallels between Stenchy and Karl Rove.
Posted by Gannicott | March 21, 2012 4:13 PM
Sorry, but you are likely toast. Unlike other candidates, Packy has free health care (and free room and board) for life. That means he'll work for peanuts. And nobody on the City Council's going to throw their weight around when he's in the room. Downside: doorways will have to be enlarged.
Posted by Max | March 21, 2012 6:13 PM
Actually Max, you must not have seen any recent photos of Sam "Mayor Creepy" Adams.
The man has completely ballooned up over the past 3.25 years -- he is Portland's own President Taft at this point.
I suspect that this is the real reason he is not running for office again.
Or could it be his lack of education and inability to speak his own native language?
No, it's the fat.
Posted by Gen. Ambrose Burnside, Ret. | March 21, 2012 9:58 PM
Great post, your best with a light touch in a long time. You been hanging out with McDonald?
But I gotta say, not only does Stenchy creep.me out a little, but WHAT the hell is that ... Gash thing ... Is it supposed to be a belly button? You paint two eyes nearby and you've got a surrealistic pillow for sure. Can you get that rat a cummerbund or something, please? Cover that s..t up.
Posted by G.A Seldes | March 21, 2012 10:31 PM
Dang, my allegience is torn. One the one side a mis-guided but good hearted liberal blogger, with whom I agree 95% of the time. On the other hand a Pachyderm who was born when I was a child and that I grew up with. Sheesh, gonna have to be like the last few elections, flip a coin and may the best/worst candidate win. Wishing you luck Jack.
Posted by Native Oregonian | March 22, 2012 6:18 AM