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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Staffer of the Week -- Adopt Clay!

Clay is my executive assistant, and in a year or so he's going to need a job -- maybe sooner if I can relocate before then. Please give him a loving home. Much thanks, Sam.

Clay (110522) is the Portland Mayoral Staffer of the Week. This adorable little aide is playful and sweet! Play is an important part of his development at this age and he will need you to be patient with him as he learns what it means to be a grownup. He would love to have access to lots of toys and daily playtime. If you are ready to care for an adorable boy and give him what creatives need while they are finding themselves, he will repay you with lots of fun and love! Clay is representative of the many, many staffers that are available at the Office of the Mayor. To view all of their fetching pictures, go to http://portlandonline.com, click on the mayor's bar mitzvah photo, and select “Contact Us”, and then “Meet the Staff.” You can visit with your next furry friend at at Portland City Hall (1221 SW Fourth Ave., Portland, 503-823-4799)!

Clay’s adoption fee of $55 includes tattoo (henna), microchip ID, collar and ID tag, initial vaccines, one month federal immunity, courtesy exam, and plenty of post-adoption support! Availability is subject to prior adoption.

Comments (26)

Okay, now you've done it! You've offended the henna tattoo set. You are so bigoted!

More please.

Oh, no way. He'll probably chew up the curtains, howl at the top of his lungs, and take a dump the size of a birthday cake in the middle of the bed the first time I tried to leave to go to work.

Has lots of work left in him and should be in excellent shape from dancing around issues. Otherwise is well-rested.

In addition, has excellent fire-starting skills from all the smokescreens constructed for current employer.

2 down and 25 left to adopt out!!!

OK, I'm going to look him over. I'll try his tweet link. It leads to a Sierra Springfield? Looks like they don't have the web site stuff down to well, maybe they aren't young enough. But reading her tweets you would think she is 12-14 years old.

So what does a mayor creepy executive assistant do? Not a lot of tweets, when he does they are firmly up the creep chute. And environmentalist and artist? Well if that qualify's you to be an executive assistant it would only be in Portlandia.
Is he also Clay bot? wants to run. likes to sing. finishes plate. doesn't sleep. gets to know the moss.
Looking at linkedIn I'm speechless. He has no qualifications, looks like he leg humped his way up.
The children are running the zoo.

I am sorry but I don't think he is house broken

Jack, I really think you should avoid any references to "Meet the Staff" when posting anything about Sam Adams.

PD wins the snark award for comments in this thread.

This is downright cruel. You know he had a baby last week. Can't you just let him enjoy this blessed time?

Does the pumpkin Clay's humping on his Facebook page come with the adoption?

And has he been neutered?

Thanks GarWin -- now YOU own me a new keyboard.

"And has he been neutered?"

Let's just say he's not interested in helping create his own puppies, though he might adopt one later.

I like little Casey Ogden. He just started shaving.

What is the median age of that staff? Sixteen?

I see Sam has two "Youth Strategies Coordinators." Does that refer to youth in the community, or youth on the Mayor's staff?

Creepy likes em young.

Amy Ruiz had a baby last week too? Must be something in the water.

Here's an idea: if Sam Adams won't lie to us when speaking to the Press, we won't snark about his Stepford Synchophants while they're on maternity leave.

whoops: Sycophant.

An edit feature would be helpful.

I think "Stepford Synchophants" was a Freudian slip... infants and Sin and sycophant all melded into a new word.

Hey Jack!

If you're going to keep up this little feature (which I love, BTW), you might consider listing the adoptee's "Meet Your Match" rating.

Cat Adoption Team out in Sherwood tests each cat they have for adoption to help people match up with the cats. Eventually the cat gets put into a category like "Personal Assistant", "Executive", or "Party Animal". Check it out here.

I'm thinking little Clay here would be a "Party Animal".

:-( I'm sorry Clay. I can't imagine these awful comments being written about me.

Maybe Jack Hoffman of Lake Oswego will be next on the adoption floor.


Anyone who willingly joins Team Dysfunction deserves full public humiliation. As does anyone who wears a tie with a cardigan.

Garage Wine wins with that comment. PD comes in second.

This is the text from Fernano, a kitten for adoption on the Oregon Humane Society website! You too funny, Jack!

I know Clay. He is a good man.

It's really not appropriate to use his name and face in the manner that you and your readers are using them, unless he has authorized it. Whether it is appropriate for the mayor to do so is also a question, I will certainly admit (as even if Clay did allow it explicitly, there could theoretically be an element of "coercion"). But that doesn't make what you've done here right.

And there are a few of the commenters here who should be downright ashamed.

Well I can say Thomas is that you are sometimes judged by the company you keep and Clay is not keeping very good company, not at all.

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