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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Clean comedy challenge

O.k., here's the latest story on kinky Blazer big man Zach Randolph. I've been trying to come up with a good punchline that's not too dirty, and I'm having a heck of a time doing it. Too many basketball metaphors sound obscene on this one. Even "Zach's jammin'" comes off kinda creepy.

Comments (16)

He took his own advice. Yuk!

I guess he completed the backdoor pass while the defense was asleep.

In the end it was just a Platonic relationship.

Now he's being called for over and back.

Jane Doe and I have the same alarm clock.

The complaint filed by the plaintiff's lawyers reads more like a closing argument than a pleading of ultimate facts pursuant to the Oregon Rules of Civil Procedure. This was an obvious effort to gain media exposure because the attorneys who filed these papers were fully aware that the extraneous salacious details would become a public record the minute they were filed. Sounds like Creative Sleazy Lawyering 101 in my opinion. I have a hard time telling fact from fiction at this juncture, and you have to consider the credibility of someone who first agrees to do a lesbian sex show for $500, and then tried to exhort $10,000 before Monday. Obviously, Zach was no angel on this one, and he may get what he deserves, but assuming that something really happened because a lawyer typed up a bunch of words and paid a $208 filing fee is a big mistake.

Regardless. I won't be suggesting anyone I know who may visit PDX stay at Vintage Plaza in the future. Sad to know it's used as an ad hoc brothel for BB celebrities. Years ago it was the Cosmo and Thunderbird, wasn't it? Times change but evidently players, fans and parasites don't.

Randolph catches the defense sleeping and goes to the hole?


Wait a minute. Are you saying the hotel should turn away paying customers who happen to be young, black, tall and play pro ball? Or are you saying they're fully aware of what happens in the privacy of someone's room, or even encourage it? That their actions have created a 'brothel'?

You sure have a keen eye for boycott targets, buddy. Way to make a stand!

...in the hopper and out?


No, it sounds like Bob is saying that he wont recommend his friends stay there because they may be disgusted by the goings-on there. Good Lord, get a grip.

Talk about spinning someone's words...yeesh

Not sure how I spun anything, other than to point out it's a dubious stand to make. NBA players stay at all the high-end hotels in Portland, and they're certainly not the only folks doing kinky stuff there. Where do you draw the line?

Really, am I the one who needs to get a grip? I'm not the one scared of 'cooties' or somesuch. Perhaps some folks need to get laid once in awhile.


Your argument is what - that WbB is unjustified in expressing an opinion? Next you'll lecture us on why we should or shouldn't like chocolate.

First you stuff words in his mouth, including your little racism riff. Then, when someone calls you on it, you conjure up "cooties" and sexual repression out of thin air (or your, no doubt, vivid imagination) and stick those little pins in your straw man.

WbB and anyone else can "draw the line" wherever they please. If it seems "dubious" to you, just cross it.

De gustibus non est disputandum.

...even yours.

Rectum? Damn near killed him!


You both fail miserably at reading comprehension and critical thinking, which is why I was picking apart WoodburnBob's inane comments in the first place.

Why did I bring up racism and sexual repression? Why else would someone even think to boycott the hotel? Some irrational fear of stains on the sheets? Please explain how the Plaza is negligent or why I shouldn't question W-burnBob's statement...

Come to think of it, I can't believe I've typed this many words about it.

Not surprisingly, invective generally reveals more about the speaker than the subject.

Anyway, the story was about prostitution, and perhaps rape, at an upscale downtown hotel. My impression, however naïve, is that prostitution is often associated with drugs, weapons, and various other crimes, including occasional violence and mayhem upon those involved, as well as bystanders.

Some might have family, friends and acquaintances that would find proximity to prostitution somehow stimulating, thrilling or vicariously titilating. Mine wouldn't...I don't think. But, perhaps I should reconsider this.

Frankly, I don't care what consenting adults do with their genitals and various orifices.

And, I'm glad to see that the local wealthy athletics are dispersing crumbs from their obscene salaries to the less fortunate among us.

And, since all publicity is said to be good publicity, in all liklihood I suppose Vintage Plaza may experience a windfall from a surge of celebrity 'wanna-be's, 'hangers on' and groupies checking in or loitering on the premises and buying drinks in the bar. There is a bar there isn't there?

Indeed, perhaps they cater to the up-scale prostitution crowd and want to be the venue for such business. It does sound like easy money.

Still, I think it's best to let friends and family know when they are asking for a hotel suggestion for a Portland visit.

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