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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on August 28, 2006 2:50 AM. The previous post in this blog was Sounds familiar. The next post in this blog is Sensation. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

A day at the IRS

A reader sends along this anecdote:

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Comments (1)

Priceless!

Posted by: Dman at August 28, 2006 10:21 AM

Love this joke, in all its iterations - it works equally well using a host of different players. Check out Quentin Tarantino's riff on it in Robert Rodriguez's 1995 flick, "Desperado."

Try it with your favorite PDX VIPs! Amaze your friends!

Posted by: Sheef at August 28, 2006 02:08 PM

Ah, Sheef, you beat me to it. I loved watching the whole RRod trilogy on DVD with the 10-minute Film School on "El Mariachi" and the 10-minute Cooking School on "Once UPon a Time in Mexico" (Puerco Pabil!). Brilliant!

Posted by: Don Smith at August 28, 2006 02:44 PM

[Posted as indicated; restored later.]




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