O.k., amateur comedians of America, it's the perfect setup for a standup joke:
While out bird hunting on his south Texas ranch today, Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter.
Take it from there, in the comments. (Via Cwech Blug.)
| Posted at 7:40 PM | Permalink |
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» Cheney shoots at quail, hits hunting companion from Unpartisan.com Political News and Blog Aggregator
Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a 78-year-old hunting companion during a weekend quail [Read More]
Comments (61)
He told police that he saw something moving in the bushes, and he figured it was Osama bin Laden.
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 7:40 PM
The other guy's bird call sounded like "Hillary! Hillary!"
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 7:42 PM
"Cheney Tires of Killing by Proxy"
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 8:10 PM
Cheney later remarked: "And people think George Bush is a stupid president. Well, I can tell you that he's never accepted a hunting invitation from me."
Posted by patrick b | February 12, 2006 8:11 PM
Another veep who can't spell. He said he was hunting quayle.
Posted by myrln | February 12, 2006 8:15 PM
"I panicked when my pacemaker went nuts, but it turns out one of the kids in the office had just put a 50 Cent ring tone on my cell phone."
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 8:16 PM
As Spiro Agnew (almost as luminous a Republican Veep as Cheney) famously said, when asked whether he'd beaned his tennis partner with an errant shot accidentally or on purpose: "I can do it either way."
Posted by Allan L. | February 12, 2006 8:24 PM
"My intelligence said he had WMD. Should I have waited until there was a mushroom cloud overhead?"
Posted by myrln | February 12, 2006 8:24 PM
Citing a confidential source, The New York Times is reporting that Cheney was apparently given faulty intelligence regarding the identity of his intended target. According to the source, Cheney believed that he was under imminent threat of attack and preemptively fired in self-defense.
Posted by Mark | February 12, 2006 8:26 PM
"Heh heh, wait 'til the chimp hears about this one!"
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 8:30 PM
"People want to know how I could mistake the rustling of a small bird from a large man in the bushes. I tell you that those little birds are my enemies. They will mingle in with innocent civilians since they have no respect for our way of life or our freedoms."
Posted by patrick b | February 12, 2006 8:45 PM
"I accidentally searched his Google records, too."
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 8:52 PM
This is how it felt during the Monica scandal. And both had a senior White House official shooting something off aimed all wrong. One hit a blue dress, the other hit a lawyer.
These are the times comedy writers are supposed to deliver. I will do my best to be a part of this. Bill McDonald - The Portland Freelancer.
Posted by Bill McDonald | February 12, 2006 8:53 PM
You all miss the point.
He's just a mean, nasty guy.
Posted by Garey | February 12, 2006 9:05 PM
Afterward Cheney put a cigar in the barrel of the other guy's rifle, then smoked it. Ewww!
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 9:07 PM
He apparently was tired of shooting himself in the foot.
Posted by Eric | February 12, 2006 9:10 PM
Here's the headline from the first time I saw this, at http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/02/dead_eye_dick.html :
"The Vice President in a veiled warning to his former chief of staff Scooter Libby shot his hunting partner."
Posted by Josh | February 12, 2006 9:12 PM
thanks for the link jack. (see comment #3)
Posted by fournier | February 12, 2006 9:16 PM
What better way to celebrate Lincoln Day?
Posted by Chris Snethen | February 12, 2006 9:24 PM
That poor guy who was shot probably had told his wife the night before, "And I was just blown away when the vice president invited me to go hunting with him."
Posted by patrick b | February 12, 2006 9:35 PM
Showing he's not a world-class quailer.
Posted by FreeJack | February 12, 2006 9:37 PM
come on
maybe he had oil on his hands
Posted by steve schopp | February 12, 2006 9:44 PM
Here is my attempt:
Vice President Prematurely Blows his Wad.
Posted by Travis | February 12, 2006 9:52 PM
Or worse yet:
Dick Blows Wad into Friends Face
Posted by Travis | February 12, 2006 9:55 PM
Tom Lehrer was fifty years ahead of today's news:
"I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow,
Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow."
Posted by Isaac Laquedem | February 12, 2006 9:57 PM
On to Iran!
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 9:58 PM
Where's that bird-hunting buddy Scalia when he's really needed?
Posted by Allan L. | February 12, 2006 10:04 PM
Here's a new strategy for dealing with terrorists -- furloughs from Gitmo to go hunting with Cheney.
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 10:06 PM
Cheney learned how to shoot a rifle at FEMA.
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 10:07 PM
"I knew Aaron Burr. Aaron Burr was a friend of mine. And, Mr. Vice President, you're no Aaron Burr." -Thomas Jefferson
Posted by Alan DeWitt | February 12, 2006 10:17 PM
Bush will be looking over his shoulder during the next State of the Union address. Fat Teddy will be out in the audience yelling "Pull!"
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 10:22 PM
Interviewed at the Vice Presidential residence, a housekeeper, who identified herself only as Hortensia, told CNN: "I'm not surprised. You should see the floor around the upstairs toilet."
Posted by Jack Bog | February 12, 2006 10:24 PM
I guess Mr. Cheney got tired of mounting quail and decided to try an attorney instead.
Posted by Doug in SW | February 12, 2006 10:58 PM
Wow, Cheney shot a fellow American. You know, looking back maybe it's best that he didn't go to Vietnam.
Posted by Bill McDonald | February 12, 2006 11:31 PM
Birdshot in the head is worth two in the bushes.
Posted by Tenskwatawa | February 12, 2006 11:49 PM
funny though, it's still safer to ride shotgun with Cheney than with Ted Kennedy
Posted by jason | February 13, 2006 4:17 AM
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan is so full of it. He’s calling this “Collateral Damage in the War on Pheasants.”
Posted by Bill McDonald | February 13, 2006 6:57 AM
You may have gotten funnier responses if you had used 'him shooting a lawyer' angle.
Posted by Abe | February 13, 2006 6:58 AM
"If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: I'm opposed to all forms of gun control." - Dick Cheney
Posted by Alan DeWitt | February 13, 2006 8:03 AM
I told Abramoff not to go on that trip.
Posted by Dave J. | February 13, 2006 9:03 AM
"Eats, shoots and leaves"?
Posted by Isaac Laquedem | February 13, 2006 9:20 AM
"Vice President Elmer Fudd."
credit: http://www.jameswolcott.com/
Posted by Auggie | February 13, 2006 9:29 AM
The Ballad of Dick Cheney
http://plmagee.com?p=28
Posted by PLM | February 13, 2006 9:38 AM
Kind of off-topic, but what are the chances that Mr. Cheney gets charged with a crime?
Posted by justin | February 13, 2006 11:08 AM
Also off topic, just heard on NPR that the Cheney staff worked with the ranch staff to "get the story straight" before talking to reporters. Evidently, the owner of the ranch talked to a reporter off message, which angered McClellan. That seems paranoid, if it was just a hunting accident.
Posted by Liz | February 13, 2006 11:20 AM
I'm sure it was a hunting accident, but one that was caused by recklessness and carelessness on Cheney's part, and that's what they don't want to talk about. My avid-hunter buddy told me this morning that when you shoot another person, it means you screwed up, period. This business about "Oh, a certain amount of this just happens in hunting, it's nobody's fault" is a crock. It means recklessness, and it doesn't mean Cheney is evil, but it does mean he screwed up, and I think that's what they were trying to get "straight." They were trying to get people to say it was pure unavoidable accident, which it pretty much couldn't have been.
Sorry. Return to your previously scheduled punchlines.
Posted by Linda | February 13, 2006 12:28 PM
Linda has it right. It's always the shooters fault, but my guess is that it was just stupidity, not recklessness.
Not that they had "just gotten out of a vehicle" aka road hunting, the "sport" of the drunk and feeble. These are the kind of guys OSP nails every year for shooting deer from their pickups. "Sportsman" Indeed!
Now, don't get the idea that I hate hunting. I've spent many a fine autumn day pursuing game birds with my friends and their dogs. The walk is the best part, well, maybe eating the bird later.
Canned "hunting" like Cheney's is for guys (note I didn't say men) who just want to brag about what great shots they are (add sex punchline here)
Posted by Todd | February 13, 2006 1:00 PM
Today VP Cheney got a prescription for Viagra. His doctor wanted to prevent him going off half-cocked.
Posted by Jenny | February 13, 2006 2:16 PM
Gives the phrase Dead-Eye Dick a whole new meaning, doesn't it?
Posted by Betsy | February 13, 2006 2:17 PM
While he continued firing from the gunslits in his secure unimploded bunker location, the Senate increased special investigation hearings into the treason and war crimes charges on Cheney, for which he faces a possible death penalty.
Now that's freakin' funny comedy gold.
Posted by Tenskwatawa | February 13, 2006 2:44 PM
"Ooh, sorry! What's a little friendly fire among friends?"
-or-
"Thought you were a pheasant insurgent for a second there."
No, I am not a professional comedy writer. What's more amusing is the media hype surrounding this "event". There was an accident, somebody was injured, everybody is going to be fine. Add Cheney, hunting, firearms & weve got ourselves a big story! Run with it!
Posted by White Devil | February 13, 2006 2:47 PM
No criminal charges. We can't have a Sitting Vice President distracted by nonessential litigation, now, can we? The Supreme Court would put a stop to that in a hurry.
Posted by Allan L. | February 13, 2006 2:52 PM
Bush already has already pardoned him in advance.
Posted by Jack Bog | February 13, 2006 3:44 PM
When asked about the incident Cheney snarled, "Just remember, Harry had a gun too."
Posted by Matt Jusinski | February 13, 2006 3:47 PM
Ready! Fire! Inspect!
Posted by Jack Marlin | February 13, 2006 5:45 PM
It's the Bush-Cheney plan to Save Social Security, one recipient at a time
Posted by Ed | February 13, 2006 8:47 PM
Can you say "loose cannon?"
Posted by myrln | February 13, 2006 8:54 PM
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Say something I don't like
And I'll shoot you, too
Posted by josh | February 13, 2006 9:09 PM
The difference between Cheney and Shakespeare is that Shakespeare only talked about it.
Posted by Ronald M | February 13, 2006 9:24 PM
Old School:
If you donate $200,000 or more, you can go hunting with the Vice President...
New School:
If you DO NOT DONATE AT LEAST $200,000, you will have to go hunting with the Vice President...
Posted by Greg in Seattle | February 14, 2006 9:12 AM
The elederly victim could not hear CreepVeep say "Go duck yourself"
Posted by Tenskwatawa | February 15, 2006 10:09 AM