Top 10 Things Neil Might Have Said to Nigel
Buried in yesterday's Trib was a provocative tidbit. The day after he won the Pulitzer Prize for outing former Oregon Gov. Neil Goldschmidt for statutory rape, Willamette Week reporter Nigel Jaquiss was summoned by a phone call from The Neilster Himself to an impromptu meeting in the latter's car outside the Double Dub offices. According to the Trib, Jaquiss "confirms the encounter ... but will not disclose the nature of their discussion."
Readers of the blogosphere know that will never do. And so here now are the --
10. "Does that trophy come with any cash? 'Cause I can cut you in on some sweet deals."
9. "How could you do this to me, my illegitimate son?"
8. "My lawyers say you owe me a couple million for the story line."
7. "After that party last night, Bernie Giusto thinks you need an intervention."
6. "Do you have Ted's cell number? He changed it and he won't pick up on his land line."
5. "I've got an idea for a column: I'll be 'Night Cabbie.'"
4. "In the movie, I want to be played by Brian Dennehy."
3. "I know who put the hit on Michael Francke. It was Mildred Schwab."
2. "I can get you a much better gig at The Oregonian."
And the No. 1 Thing That Neil Might Have Said to Nigel the Day After He Won the Pulitzer Prize:
1. "Quit while you're ahead, punk."
| Posted at 10:59 PM | Permalink |
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Comments (7)
You forgot one - "BTW, Nigel, do you still have the 14-year old's phone?"
Posted by Steve | August 31, 2005 7:53 AM
Scene I'd like to see in the made for TV movie:
Fade in.... Neil and unidentified female in bed, waking up in morning. Neil yawns, stretches.
Female: "Neil, the Willamette Week wrote that you are a pedophile. Is that true?"
Neil: "Pedophile? That's a pretty big word for a 12 year old."
Posted by Rob Kremer | August 31, 2005 8:50 AM
Nigel- "On the upside, Neil, I know how you can save a ton of money on your car insurance."
Posted by Doug | August 31, 2005 9:08 AM
Nigel- "Look at the bright side, Neil, at least you got your brother a job he can never be fired from."
Posted by Doug | August 31, 2005 9:12 AM
#11
"My friends and I are still running things you petty fool"
Posted by Steve Schopp | August 31, 2005 9:45 AM
How would Vladimir Nabokov have written the story? Would Vladimir have investigated the quote from the Eugene Register Guard of a neighborhood schoolmate: "She told me Neil picked up where her deceased grandfather left off."
Posted by gus | September 1, 2005 10:29 AM
"I only did it because Norma Paulus was such a hot babe and I couldn't have her."
Posted by RAH | September 1, 2005 5:28 PM