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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Blazer coach choice leaked

On my occasional jog around the Rose Quarter last evening, I ran into my impeccable source within the Portland Trail Blazer organization, and he handed me a real news scoop. The Blazers have picked their new head coach, and they're finalizing his contract this week. It's a brilliant move -- a familiar face from the heyday of Blazermania, who showed many flashes of hoop genius, and who, despite his age and gray hair, will relate well to the players on whom the Blazers are banking their future.

For the first time in many years, I'm starting to feel a glimmer of hope for this once-proud team. Just wait 'til this guy takes the reins.

Comments (12)

Is this true? I can't tell when you're being sarcastic.

I have one concern, Jack: How can we be assured that a guy accustomed to playing 'prison ball' will know when to argue a foul call to the refs?

Will the team motto have to go from 'Rip City' to 'No Blood, No Foul'?

Cool. It's like the reverse of "The Longest Yard."

What should the movie be called? How about "The Shortest Hoop"?

Billy Ray. Wow. A decade ago he could well have been the Blazers' all-time #1 trainwreck. Now he might have a hard time making the top-ten. Not many franchises can claim that. Thank you, Paul!

Dude, he's kidding. You people have some missing humor genes or something. He says he "ran into my impeccable source within the Portland Trail Blazer organization"? The setup couldn't have been more obvious (not in a bad way, but!). Sheesh.

It also follows a standard bojack joke formula... a couple of ambiguous lauditory paragraphs with no names, followed by a link that you have to follow in order to see the punchline.

Pay attention kids, learn these tricks and I promise you'll spend more time laughing and less time scratching your head.

Hey 'no one...' - Given the state of the PDC and the City Council - not to mention the Blazers themselves - having Bates could be a great move.

Seriously, the Blazers have a....penchant for hiring folks bound for the State Penn and or McDonald's. A guy like Bates just might get those bozos to show up and practice and maybe, just maybe, WIN SOME GAMES.

The Blazers have SUCKED since Rick Adelman was fired because HIS players couldn't keep it up through the 4th quarter. Any change for the better would be nice.

For a serious choice from the Blazers heyday, don't be surprised if they opt to employ one Lionel Hollins. He's a long-time NBA assistant with playing pedigree from our lone title year in 1977. I believe he'd be a popular choice (and popularity is not to be discounted, in the wake of the loss of Mo Cheeks and the rapid decline in attendance of late). Hey, you heard it here first...

He'll get along well with this Blazer's draft pick.

The Blazers were one quarter away from the NBA Finals in 2000 and in the Western Conference Finals in 1998 (I think) under Mike Dunleavy. They have been good since Adelman left. They are not good now. Geez, all you people do is discuss how the world is imploding ... constantly. That's why Jack's humor is refreshing -- it lessens the Eyore-factor.

Does anyone remember how popular this guy was? The crowd would erupt with "BILLY RAY" everytime he came out onto the floor. There was just something likeable about the guy (probably an underdog thing). Kind of like Buford Jordan (from the short-lived Portland football team). The poor guy thought the crowd was booing him ("BUUUUUU") when he came on the field. My siblings and I begged our sister to name her new son "Billy Ray." Fortunately for all of us, she didn't do it. (You might have seen her on the plane Jack.)

Still haven't mastered that whole linking thing: http://notoriousjes.blogspot.com/2005/05/nba-draft-pick.html

Oh well, I knew it was too good to be true.

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