So the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team has announced cost-cutting layoffs of 30 percent of its staff. Here now are the --

10. Volume levels during player introductions

9. Clothing-to-skin ratio on Blazer Dancers

8. Bonzi Wells spitting incidents

7. Duration of Mo Cheeks learning curve

6. Each player should be cut in two at the sternum

5. Broken eye sockets from fistfights at practice

4. Reliance on technicalities to get players excused from felony drug possession charges

3. Qyntel's medication

2. Phony enthusiasm of whatever that mascot is supposed to be

And the Number 1 Other Thing the Blazers Ought to Cut by 30 Percent:

1. The price of a frickin' beer