Kobe Bryant has been officially accused of felony sexual assault.

Sounds like it's going to come down to a he said/she said about whether it was consensual sex or not. After a few, ahem, crime lab results have come in, he's admitting adultery.

Do you think maybe four years in college might have prevented this?

What are the chances of this guy being convicted and doing hard time? Virtually none. With all the money behind him, life is about to become miserable for the alleged victim and the poor $67,000-a-year county prosecutor who needs to try the case.

The alleged victim is apparently no stranger to the limelight, however. According to a Denver TV station,

She is a 2002 graduate of Eagle Valley High School and was a varsity cheerleader. She's currently enrolled at the University of Northern Colorado. Friends and neighbors have told 7NEWS that she's a good singer and pianist and had tried out for the TV talent show "American Idol."

You got that right.

Perhaps the most bizarre angle to this is that Kobe apparently allowed himself to be arrested and have his mug shot taken while he was wearing black and white horizontal stripes on his shirt! Intentional humor on his part?

Finally, the countdown is on for the appearances of: Johnnie Cochrane, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Bob Packwood. (Likely to keep a low profile: Marv Albert.)

If Kato Kaelin testifies, I'm leaving the country.