Cousin James at Parkway Rest Stop sends us here, where some good bellylaughs can be had. A sample from Lancow's e-mail exchanges:

Dear Clairol,

I was wondering if you could change a yellow lab (dog) to a chocolate lab (dog) with your product. This is necessary because my dog, Chester A. Arthur, who is a yellow (light tan) lab, is being considered for a chocolate lab part in a local community production of "Paws and Reflect", a touching, very special story about a mentally challenged boy and his dog. I'm afraid that the director of the play will ignore Chester's many talents (fetches sticks and bones, jumps into and out of moving vehicles, doesn't go on the rug) and pass over her simply based on her color (I thought we were past such prejudice in our modern times!). To prevent this from happening, I'd like to use Clairol hair color to change her for the role. Possible problems I forsee might include...