Hello?

Hi, is Tony there?

I think you've got the wrong number.

Is that you, Jack?

Yes. Who's this?

It's Joan. Joan Osborne.

Joan!... Er, wow, how are you?

Oh, I'm fine. Real busy with the new album out. How 'bout you?

Same as it ever was. Finishing up another semester teaching law school. Now it's exam time, so I'm inflicting pain on people.

Don't beat yourself up, Jack. I'm sure you're as gentle and fair as you can be.

Well, I try. That's nice of you to say.

So. I'm glad I caught up with you.

Why's that?

Well, a little bird told me you were writing about me in your blog, but I looked at it and there were just some rants about the phone company or something.

There is a post mentioning you, but it isn't on my main blog. A friend of mine and I started a new one about music. It's called Yakety Yak. You were in a post of mine over there.

What did you say about me?

Um... what did you hear?

Well, I heard that you said I was hot.

Come on, you know I'd be a little more careful than that. I think the direct quote was that I still had a crush on you.

"Still"?

Well, it's been going on for a while. I remember seeing you on Letterman a long time ago. I think you were singing "Right Hand Man." It made an impression.

It sure took you a long time to say anything about it.

Actually, it kind of went dormant until I saw you in the Motown movie the other night. I got interested again right then and there.

But what do you know about me?

Really not a whole lot. That's what makes it a crush. I mean, I know you have a great voice, great style. I love the simple clothes, the curls...

And...

But I think it's the dimples. The dimples really do it for me.

Oh.

And you were so sweet with the Motown guys.

Those guys are so wonderful. Too bad about Pistol and Johnny.

Yeah, it's a shame.

So what do you do when you have a crush on a woman?

Joan, um, I don't know if we should talk about that. I mean, I'm married and all. Happily married.

Awww. You know, it's just a blog fantasy, Jack. You can open up to me.

I better not. Look, I just think you're fabulous, and I wish you all the best, can we leave it at that?

For now, I guess. Is it o.k. if I call you back sometime? Especially when I try to get through to Tony and his line's busy with all those other girls.

Tony's a young man, Joan. Whaddya expect?

I know. But sometimes I need to talk.

Tell you what, dear, you can count on me for that.

And you know I'm gonna look at that blog post.

Great, please do.

I'm gonna run now. Keep writing, Jackie.

Keep singing, Joan.

'Night.

'Night.