March 29, 2004

Edifice wrecks

Doesn't anybody care about good workmanship any more? Last week the dry cleaners pressed a wrinkle into my red tiger jacket the day before I planned to wear it on cable access. I sent my police bodyguard right back in there with that order and told him to get it done right.

It's been that way with my horoscope lately, too. Ever since Sydney Omarr died, I can't get a decent prediction out of any of the astrologer wannabe's that he left behind.

You would think one of them would have warned me that March wasn't my month to be around big buildings. The PGE Park thing has gotten ridiculous. What do these minor leaguers think, they can keep using the place for free? They don't know who they're dealing with. I've learned a landlord trick or two from my hard-nosed buddy Joe Weston. I have no problem throwing the Beavers out on the street.

Then there's Meier & Frank. That CEO still doesn't get it, does he? I sicced the fire inspectors on him, and he still won't do anything about upgrading that old monstrosity of a building. Ever since I rode with the guy in the parade, I've realized that he's only Nine West when what we really need is Fendi. It's time for a new use for that building. Erik thinks we should have all the Ninth Circuit judges live there, with secret tunnels to the Pioneer Courthouse. That way none of them will ever have to see the light of day. They can eat at the Georgian Room. Worth a half million to study it, anyway.

And don't get me started on the Major League Baseball deal. I don't know how I'm going to let that nice David Cohen down easy. We're tapped. There are no local taxes to pay for the stadium. The only hope left is to let the Expos play in all the empty space in the Convention Center. Either that or see if we can rig up a diamond inside the Memorial Coliseum. Or the Rose Garden if DOS Boy walks.

Nothing but trouble, the big buildings. Maybe I should go to Chinatown and see one of those feng shui people. I hate to walk down there, though — too many weirdos.

Posted by Vera at March 29, 2004 02:43 PM
Comments

LMAO about the red tiger jacket comment after having already lmao when I saw it in the paper. Meow.

Posted by: alan at March 30, 2004 06:57 AM

Speaking of edifices, I'd love to know how the City Council candidates stand on removing the hideous and embarrassing facade of the Portland Building and replacing it with something more befitting downtown Portland.

Posted by: Pan Fried at April 1, 2004 10:14 AM

Don't go dissing my beloved Portland Building.

Posted by: The One True b!X at April 9, 2004 02:14 PM