Clay is my executive assistant, and in a year or so he's going to need a job -- maybe sooner if I can relocate before then. Please give him a loving home. Much thanks, Sam.
Clay (110522) is the Portland Mayoral Staffer of the Week. This adorable little aide is playful and sweet! Play is an important part of his development at this age and he will need you to be patient with him as he learns what it means to be a grownup. He would love to have access to lots of toys and daily playtime. If you are ready to care for an adorable boy and give him what creatives need while they are finding themselves, he will repay you with lots of fun and love! Clay is representative of the many, many staffers that are available at the Office of the Mayor. To view all of their fetching pictures, go to http://portlandonline.com, click on the mayor's bar mitzvah photo, and select “Contact Us”, and then “Meet the Staff.” You can visit with your next furry friend at at Portland City Hall (1221 SW Fourth Ave., Portland, 503-823-4799)!
Clay’s adoption fee of $55 includes tattoo (henna), microchip ID, collar and ID tag, initial vaccines, one month federal immunity, courtesy exam, and plenty of post-adoption support! Availability is subject to prior adoption.
Comments (26)
Okay, now you've done it! You've offended the henna tattoo set. You are so bigoted!
Oh, no way. He'll probably chew up the curtains, howl at the top of his lungs, and take a dump the size of a birthday cake in the middle of the bed the first time I tried to leave to go to work.
OK, I'm going to look him over. I'll try his tweet link. It leads to a Sierra Springfield? Looks like they don't have the web site stuff down to well, maybe they aren't young enough. But reading her tweets you would think she is 12-14 years old.
So what does a mayor creepy executive assistant do? Not a lot of tweets, when he does they are firmly up the creep chute. And environmentalist and artist? Well if that qualify's you to be an executive assistant it would only be in Portlandia.
Is he also Clay bot? wants to run. likes to sing. finishes plate. doesn't sleep. gets to know the moss.
Looking at linkedIn I'm speechless. He has no qualifications, looks like he leg humped his way up.
The children are running the zoo.
Amy Ruiz had a baby last week too? Must be something in the water.
Here's an idea: if Sam Adams won't lie to us when speaking to the Press, we won't snark about his Stepford Synchophants while they're on maternity leave.
If you're going to keep up this little feature (which I love, BTW), you might consider listing the adoptee's "Meet Your Match" rating.
Cat Adoption Team out in Sherwood tests each cat they have for adoption to help people match up with the cats. Eventually the cat gets put into a category like "Personal Assistant", "Executive", or "Party Animal". Check it out here.
I'm thinking little Clay here would be a "Party Animal".
It's really not appropriate to use his name and face in the manner that you and your readers are using them, unless he has authorized it. Whether it is appropriate for the mayor to do so is also a question, I will certainly admit (as even if Clay did allow it explicitly, there could theoretically be an element of "coercion"). But that doesn't make what you've done here right.
And there are a few of the commenters here who should be downright ashamed.
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 21
At this date last year: 52
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Clay is my executive assistant, and in a year or so he's going to need a job -- maybe sooner if I can relocate before then. Please give him a loving home. Much thanks, Sam.
Comments (26)
Okay, now you've done it! You've offended the henna tattoo set. You are so bigoted!
More please.
Posted by thor | August 17, 2011 12:22 PM
Oh, no way. He'll probably chew up the curtains, howl at the top of his lungs, and take a dump the size of a birthday cake in the middle of the bed the first time I tried to leave to go to work.
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | August 17, 2011 12:38 PM
Has lots of work left in him and should be in excellent shape from dancing around issues. Otherwise is well-rested.
In addition, has excellent fire-starting skills from all the smokescreens constructed for current employer.
2 down and 25 left to adopt out!!!
Posted by Steve | August 17, 2011 12:44 PM
OK, I'm going to look him over. I'll try his tweet link. It leads to a Sierra Springfield? Looks like they don't have the web site stuff down to well, maybe they aren't young enough. But reading her tweets you would think she is 12-14 years old.
So what does a mayor creepy executive assistant do? Not a lot of tweets, when he does they are firmly up the creep chute. And environmentalist and artist? Well if that qualify's you to be an executive assistant it would only be in Portlandia.
Is he also Clay bot? wants to run. likes to sing. finishes plate. doesn't sleep. gets to know the moss.
Looking at linkedIn I'm speechless. He has no qualifications, looks like he leg humped his way up.
The children are running the zoo.
Posted by dman | August 17, 2011 1:09 PM
I am sorry but I don't think he is house broken
Posted by LucsAdvo | August 17, 2011 1:30 PM
Jack, I really think you should avoid any references to "Meet the Staff" when posting anything about Sam Adams.
Posted by PD | August 17, 2011 1:33 PM
PD wins the snark award for comments in this thread.
Posted by LucsAdvo | August 17, 2011 1:41 PM
This is downright cruel. You know he had a baby last week. Can't you just let him enjoy this blessed time?
Posted by Garage Wine | August 17, 2011 2:18 PM
Does the pumpkin Clay's humping on his Facebook page come with the adoption?
Posted by Newleaf | August 17, 2011 2:38 PM
And has he been neutered?
Posted by Allan L. | August 17, 2011 2:45 PM
Thanks GarWin -- now YOU own me a new keyboard.
Posted by Old Zeb | August 17, 2011 3:15 PM
"And has he been neutered?"
Let's just say he's not interested in helping create his own puppies, though he might adopt one later.
Posted by the other white meat | August 17, 2011 3:22 PM
I like little Casey Ogden. He just started shaving.
What is the median age of that staff? Sixteen?
Posted by Robert Collins | August 17, 2011 3:23 PM
I see Sam has two "Youth Strategies Coordinators." Does that refer to youth in the community, or youth on the Mayor's staff?
Posted by Eric | August 17, 2011 3:35 PM
Creepy likes em young.
Posted by teresa | August 17, 2011 3:37 PM
Amy Ruiz had a baby last week too? Must be something in the water.
Here's an idea: if Sam Adams won't lie to us when speaking to the Press, we won't snark about his Stepford Synchophants while they're on maternity leave.
Posted by Mister Tee | August 17, 2011 3:50 PM
whoops: Sycophant.
An edit feature would be helpful.
Posted by Mister Tee | August 17, 2011 3:53 PM
I think "Stepford Synchophants" was a Freudian slip... infants and Sin and sycophant all melded into a new word.
Posted by LucsAdvo | August 17, 2011 4:18 PM
Hey Jack!
If you're going to keep up this little feature (which I love, BTW), you might consider listing the adoptee's "Meet Your Match" rating.
Cat Adoption Team out in Sherwood tests each cat they have for adoption to help people match up with the cats. Eventually the cat gets put into a category like "Personal Assistant", "Executive", or "Party Animal". Check it out here.
I'm thinking little Clay here would be a "Party Animal".
Posted by LexusLibertarian | August 17, 2011 9:15 PM
:-( I'm sorry Clay. I can't imagine these awful comments being written about me.
Posted by pdxCONservitive | August 17, 2011 10:14 PM
Maybe Jack Hoffman of Lake Oswego will be next on the adoption floor.
http://www.lakeoswegoreview.com/opinion/story.php?story_id=131361494511551700
Posted by phil | August 18, 2011 5:30 AM
Anyone who willingly joins Team Dysfunction deserves full public humiliation. As does anyone who wears a tie with a cardigan.
Posted by RJBob | August 18, 2011 12:55 PM
Garage Wine wins with that comment. PD comes in second.
Posted by thor | August 18, 2011 1:21 PM
This is the text from Fernano, a kitten for adoption on the Oregon Humane Society website! You too funny, Jack!
Posted by Lily Witham | August 18, 2011 6:45 PM
I know Clay. He is a good man.
It's really not appropriate to use his name and face in the manner that you and your readers are using them, unless he has authorized it. Whether it is appropriate for the mayor to do so is also a question, I will certainly admit (as even if Clay did allow it explicitly, there could theoretically be an element of "coercion"). But that doesn't make what you've done here right.
And there are a few of the commenters here who should be downright ashamed.
Posted by Thomas | August 19, 2011 3:25 PM
Well I can say Thomas is that you are sometimes judged by the company you keep and Clay is not keeping very good company, not at all.
Posted by LucsAdvo | August 20, 2011 7:54 AM