Detail, east Portland photo, courtesy Miles Hochstein / Portland Ground.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 23, 2011 4:49 AM. The previous post in this blog was What kind of pills did Wu get from campaign contributor?. The next post in this blog is Car hater takes over the PDC. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.



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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Wake up! Get ready for another devastating storm!

It's never in a blogger's best interests to turn readers away, but if you're in the Portland area, you really need to step away from your computer monitor right now, and start preparing for the humongo blizzard that is about to hit our area.

Here's a preparedness checklist:

1. Have plenty of bottled water on hand.
Once the first snowflake appears, remember to drink only bottled water. Experts recommend having 10 gallons of water on hand, in plastic bottles, for each member of your household, before the snow starts.

2. Bring all temperature-sensitive plants indoors. Today would be a good time to dig up your yard and transplant it into Home Depot buckets, which you should keep on the top floor of your home until the Arctic blast has passed. Plant movement permits are available for $25 from Portland City Hall. As a transition rule, parsley less than one inch tall does not require a permit, this year only.

3. Take special care of your pets. To help ward off the cold, most veterinarians advise that you feed dogs and cats only handmade sausages until temperatures have safely thawed out. Veal is best.

4. Keep sidewalks clear of dangerous ice.
In Portland, you're responsible if anyone slips and injures themselves on the right of way in front of your property, and so keep the sidewalks clear and dry. Use of rock salt, sand, and other contaminants is forbidden, however, and so city transportation officials advise a proactive, "green" approach. Walking along the sidewalk waving a broom during a snowstorm not only discourages accumulation, but also promotes good health and ensures a sustainable future.

5. Avoid unnecessary driving. Common sense should tell you that once there is an inch of snow on the ground, it is not safe to operate a motor vehicle. At that point, be smart and ride a bicycle.

6. Do not flush the toilet
until the storm threat has been officially declared over. If you must flush, be sure to add baking soda.

7. Operate your microwave oven only on its highest setting.
If foods become too hot, place them outside to cool off.

8. If you lose power,
rinse your toothbrush in vodka.

9. Stay tuned to Storm Center 9000.2 around the clock for the latest weather updates. We are standing by with the same award-winning coverage we have provided year after year. But we sure do wish we had a budget to hire this guy as our field reporter:

Comments (26)

Lay in the firewood. Butter up the hot rum. Stock on cocoa. Get the sled dogs ready.

Oh yeah, it's been snowing at my house for an hour or so. But then I' a few hundred feet below Sylvan.

I am buying extra tv sets so that I can watch all the storm teams simultaneously. They are my only connection to the outside world.

RE Item 4 -


What are sidewalks?

Can those of us in residential SW and in outer SE have sidewalks?

Winter wonderland here @ 1000'.

1"+ and 32 even, still snowing lightly. radar shows more on the way. Later, I'll walk down to the corner and watch idiots turn down Germantown - never to be seen again.

What are sidewalks?

No sidewalks? Hell, we don't even have bike lanes...


We have bike lanes, far far far too many bike lanes, with more coming. I can maybe arrange to ship you some of ours...

Stuck in the past, and going backwards!

I can maybe arrange to ship you some of ours...

Only if you ship them by cargo trike...

Don't forget the studded bike tires from REI!

Sam is telling us to take a warm cuddly blanket and a picnic basket if we venture out in this expected storm. These items might just help keep you Disney-like-safe until Sam's crews can get to you and save you. These I say are some of Sam's finest hours. It kind of takes our minds off cityhall's juvenille spending habits.

Regarding the latter, it kind of goes like this:
No mom and dad you can't have your water and sewer department monies back we lifted in the dark of night from your wallets. You are cracked. We need to spend your money on candy for our friends like bobby the bicyclist who wants to hear music coming from the pavement when he rides. We are going to spend it on our big brother Randy who likes building monumental outdoor restrooms. We also need it for the lunch money other bad bully boys demand or else you don't want to know what happens.

Yes let's keep close to our radios and TVs for the latest snow news.

The good news is that Portland's perpetual rainfall is taking a break for a few days.

This is the rare opportunity for the must-do maintenance task to get the umbrella washed and waxed.

Tenksey? Is that really you?

Shortest. Post. Evarrrrrrrrrr!

A more interesting storm, as described by AP reporter Ryan Foley, is unfolding in WI:
"MADISON, Wis. – A prank caller pretending to be billionaire conservative businessman David Koch was able to have a lengthy conversation with Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker about his strategy to cripple public employee unions, the governor's office confirmed Wednesday."

Really funny list and video,heh heh, thanks-

Good comedy is better with a good cocktail. I recommend one or two, before watching the mayors press conference yesterday. At the 6:45 mark, you get to meet Leann Ferguson of the bicycle safety alliance, who in fact, made me cry.

A robo-wake-up-call from PPS at 6:15 this morning: All schools will be opening at [drumroll, please] the regular times!
Really. You can not make this up.
Okay, they did add that all buses would be on snow-routes. All day. For all that....snow?

Well, it's 1:15PM at 700 feet and the ice and snow are falling. I better go out and get the dog poo off the front yard so the kids can make snowmen (snowpeople for the PC?) that are mostly white.

These snow alerts crack me up, Jack. Love the blinking ACTIVATED warning sign. Keep 'em coming.

By the way, did anyone here our Mayor's latest public address from City Hall (yesterday?) about THE SNOW! Had a twit of a gal from BTA on there dithering about riding your bike (horrors!) in the snow. It was unintentionally hilarious. If anyone can find the soundbite, please link.

The video is on my comment at 10:57 above.

8. If you lose power, rinse your toothbrush in vodka.

10. If you don't lose power, soak your toothbrush in Bourbon.


Loved the kptv 9+ minutes of blather... 4 city employees plus Sam telling us what to do... Sam reminding us that "speed is the critical factor in being safe"....this must be the answer to what self medicating occurs prior to news conferences.

As to his comments about bringing a warm blanket this must explain his truck accident at Car Toys... blankie slipped down and impeded the gas and brake pedals.

Ugh. That press conference was brutal. Downright embarrassing. Makes me want to move far away from here.

Sam's press conference really shows his AD, in the medical profession we call it "Affected Disorder". Notice how he lowers his voice, says a few phrases then suddenly hesitates, then emphasizes a word or short phrase, and not that one would expect? Creepy. A pure act, of his disorder.

Looking out the window - still waiting.

If the storm should really come and we just can't get outside, sure enjoyed that cyber holiday party, might we gather to do a storm party?

Wear your tie! Wear your tie!


As a lawyer/blogger, I get
to be a member of:

In Vino Veritas

Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
Kiona, Lemberger 2014
Willamette Valley, Pinot Gris 2015
Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
Marchigüe, Cabernet 2013
Inazío Irruzola, Getariako Txakolina Rosé 2015
Maso Canali, Pinot Grigio 2015
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Kirkland, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2016
Cantele, Salice Salentino Reserva 2013
Whispering Angel, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2013
Avissi, Prosecco
Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
Pique Poul, Rosé 2016
Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
Stoller, Pinot Noir Rosé 2016
Chehalem, Inox Chardonnay 2015
The Four Graces, Pinot Gris 2015
Gascón, Colosal Red 2013
Cardwell Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
Della Terra, Anonymus
Willamette Valley, Dijon Clone Chardonnay 2013
Wraith, Cabernet, Eidolon Estate 2012
Januik, Red 2015
Tomassi, Valpolicella, Rafaél, 2014
Sharecropper's Pinot Noir 2013
Helix, Pomatia Red Blend 2013
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2013
Locations, Spanish Red Wine
Locations, Argentinian Red Wine
La Antigua Clásico, Rioja 2011
Shatter, Grenache, Maury 2012
Argyle, Vintage Brut 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16 Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2014
Benton Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
Primarius, Pinot Gris 2015
Januik, Merlot 2013
Napa Cellars, Cabernet 2013
J. Bookwalter, Protagonist 2012
LAN, Rioja Edicion Limitada 2011
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2009
Denada Cellars, Cabernet, Maipo Valley 2014
Marchigüe, Cabernet, Colchagua Valley 2013
Oberon, Cabernet 2014
Hedges, Red Mountain 2012
Balboa, Rose of Grenache 2015
Ontañón, Rioja Reserva 2015
Three Horse Ranch, Pinot Gris 2014
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
Nelms Road, Merlot 2013
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris 2014
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2012
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2013
Villa Maria, Sauvignon Blanc 2015
G3, Cabernet 2013
Chateau Smith, Cabernet, Washington State 2014
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16
Willamette Valley, Rose of Pinot Noir, Whole Clusters 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Ca' del Baio Barbaresco Valgrande 2012
Goodfellow, Reserve Pinot Gris, Clover 2014
Lugana, San Benedetto 2014
Wente, Cabernet, Charles Wetmore 2011
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
King Estate, Pinot Gris 2015
Adelsheim, Pinot Gris 2015
Trader Joe's, Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley 2015
La Vite Lucente, Toscana Red 2013
St. Francis, Cabernet, Sonoma 2013
Kendall-Jackson, Pinot Noir, California 2013
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Napa Valley 2013
Erath, Pinot Noir, Estate Selection 2012
Abbot's Table, Columbia Valley 2014
Intrinsic, Cabernet 2014
Oyster Bay, Pinot Noir 2010
Occhipinti, SP68 Bianco 2014
Layer Cake, Shiraz 2013
Desert Wind, Ruah 2011
WillaKenzie, Pinot Gris 2014
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Des Amis, Rose 2014
Dunham, Trautina 2012
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Del Ri, Claret 2012
Stoppa, Emilia, Red 2004
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Benziger, Cabernet, Sonoma 2012
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Conundrum, White 2013
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The Occasional Book

Phil Stanford - Rose City Vice
Kenneth R. Feinberg - What is Life Worth?
Kent Haruf - Our Souls at Night
Peter Carey - True History of the Kelly Gang
Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Amy Stewart - Girl Waits With Gun
Philip Roth - The Plot Against America
Norm Macdonald - Based on a True Story
Christopher Buckley - Boomsday
Ryan Holiday - The Obstacle is the Way
Ruth Sepetys - Between Shades of Gray
Richard Adams - Watership Down
Claire Vaye Watkins - Gold Fame Citrus
Markus Zusak - I am the Messenger
Anthony Doerr - All the Light We Cannot See
James Joyce - Dubliners
Cheryl Strayed - Torch
William Golding - Lord of the Flies
Saul Bellow - Mister Sammler's Planet
Phil Stanford - White House Call Girl
John Kaplan & Jon R. Waltz - The Trial of Jack Ruby
Kent Haruf - Eventide
David Halberstam - Summer of '49
Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead
Maria Dermoȗt - The Ten Thousand Things
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
Christopher Buckley - Thank You for Smoking
William Shakespeare - Othello
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things
Sara Varon - Bake Sale
Stephen King - 11/22/63
Paul Goldstein - Errors and Omissions
Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Steve Martin - Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Beverly Cleary - A Girl from Yamhill, a Memoir
Kent Haruf - Plainsong
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 113
At this date last year: 155
Total run in 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269

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