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Monday, February 25, 2008

Help rename the Burnside Bridgehead project

The Portland Development Commission remains wedded to Opus Northwest as the developer for the Burnside Bridgehead project -- the controversial development on the east side of the Burnside Bridge. This week they'll talk about extending the commitment to Opus yet again, for another year, despite the fact that after three years and several previous contract extensions, the whole plan for the site has gone nowhere. They would have stimulated the local economy more if they had simply installed a cemetery.

There's little or nothing left of the original project that competing developers and outraged neighbors once fought so bitterly over. Why not scrap the whole thing and start over? No, instead they'll wish and hope and scheme and dream some more, and supposedly negotiate with prospective tenants in secret. More smoke-filled room stuff. (Picture some buzzed Home Depot execs nodding out on a leather couch, the PDC guys in kneepads moaning "please, please...," and the Opus guys drawling "That site shore is purty.")

Along with the latest round of foolishness is coming a "rebranding." Maybe if they start calling the project by a new name, eventually the Google searches will stop exposing the long-term futility of the whole thing.

But the folks at the PDC seem to have neglected an important feature of public process here in Portland -- the valuable citizen input that constitutes the riches of our city. They can't "rebrand" the Burnside Bridgehead without hearing from us, now, can they? Of course not!

And so, in our continuing spirit of public service, we hereby solicit your views on a new name "brand" for the Burnside Bridgehead project. Couplet Meadows? The Charrette Minaret? Void Center? The Hurl District? Readers, do your civic duty in the comments.

Comments (29)

Because the area is on Burnside and Couch Streets, given the project's likely public subsidy and our propensity to shorten names to initials, I suggest calling it $40,000,000 B.C.

The New old Baloney Joe's.

Katz and the Jammer Kids.

The Portland Poop Deck.

Charrette Minaret? Void Center? Hurl District?

Jack, when you're on, you're on. i laughed so hard coffee came out my nose.

"Baloney Row"


SmartBridge Center

Or really unique,
"Burnside Station"

Burnside Projects

i laughed so hard coffee came out my nose.

i do hope you were drinking coffee at the time.

"BumTown East"

"Day Labor Village"

"Snoose Hollow"

"What's the Pointe"

"Planned Eunuch Development"

"The Round and Round"

I love "What's the Pointe" -- the perfect complement to the SoWhat District.

Chicanery Row.

How about the:

Core of

aka S.U.C.K.S.

There Will Be Debt

(in a tip o' the hat to the Academy Awards last night...)

"Streetcar named Desire"

Yes, quite hackneyed, but the whole reason this Bridgehead is getting pushed is to justify:
a) Streetcars on the east side
b) Repaving 1.5 miles of W Burnside for $85M

I wish Sammy boy would get over his obsession with the streetcars and downtown.

How about one of these:

"Hocus Opus Project"

"Burnside Pighead Project"

"The No Developer Left Behind Project"

"Bad Ash Project"

"Ankeny Panky Project"

"The Pork District"

"Lents West"

"Concrete Woods"

"Gates of Heavin'"

"FlimFlam Alley"

Just ditch the pie-in-the-sky ban on big box retail and it will go

Salvation Army West Annex


Scandal Village

Urban ReScrewed

Fat Cat Station

No one's watching world

Burnside Pretty Place

Voters Suck Central.

Looks like a great place for an unsubsidized high-end covention hotel. "Joseph's", of course.

Those are very good. Part of the reason I subscribe to bojack. We should vote on it in a day or two!

Subsidy Village?

Tweaker Heights?

Vista del Barrio?

School Tax Free Living?

"The Avenue of Roses" (82nd can just wait their turn)

"Burningbridge Palazzo"

Retail Dreams, Wholesale Subsidies

Uuve bin Had

Cashfire's on the Gulch?

Scam's Club?

However, my vote says we have a winner in...

The Hurl District.

It should remain vacant and be called Vera Katz Baseball Field.

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