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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 23, 2007 4:32 PM. The previous post in this blog was Forget Anna Nicole -- Vladimir's sperm count is low. The next post in this blog is Bovine excrement from the Salem Charm School. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Friday, February 23, 2007

It's illegal to blow your nose in Portland

The City of Portland's new rules designating "prohibited conduct" officially take effect today. Recent amendments to the city code, many of which have been controversial, are now in place on the city's website; you can read them here.

I'm surprised that it's drawn so little attention, but the new code makes it illegal to blow your nose anywhere within the city limits. Here's section 20.12.030 of the city code:

No person shall urinate or defecate in any park except in a convenience station designed for that purpose; or blow, spread, or place any nasal or other bodily discharge; or spit, urinate, or defecate on the floors, walls, partitions, furniture, fittings, or on any portion of any public convenience station or in any place in such station, excepting directly into the particular fixture provided for that purpose; or place any bottle, can, cloth, rag, or metal, wood, or stone substance in any of the plumbing fixtures in any such station.
As you can plainly see, the law against "blowing nasal discharge" is not limited to parks, or to any other location, for that matter. Thus, one can only assume that it applies throughout the city.

If you don't like this law, you have the First Amendment right to picket.

Comments (17)

Opun the door. Let me out. Bad

The text says "in any park" and the law is part of "Title 20: Parks"—am I missing something? I read that to mean it's not city wide (though it is a silly phrasing...).

The phrase "in any park" modifies only the verbs "urinate and defecate." Since there is a semi-colon between the phrase "in any park" and the verbs "blow, spread, or place," the plain meaning of the provision is that that phrase does not modify those verbs.

"If you don't like this law, you have the First Amendment right to picket."

but what about my right to "pick it?"

anyway, this comes at a terribly inconvenient time b/c i have a cold and my house is littered with evidence of my illegal conduct. i hope there's no raid forthcoming...

Zing.
And I thought puns were only for groan-ups.

there are "particular fixtures" provided for blowing, spreading or placing" a bodily discharge? er...

Well, yeah, in the "public convenience station" there are "fixtures" for urinating and defecating.

Thanx, Pandora.

I'm gonna need to write to Miss Manners to make sure which is the proper knife to spread....nasal or other bodily discharge. And... where does it go in a place setting?

The knife, that is.

Gedzundheit. Now go to jail.

If this is enforced as vigorously as are traffic laws, then nose blowers have nothing to worry about.

The way I read this new law of the controllers is a sneeze would fall under this great public health issue.

Where's Barney Fife?

If this is enforced as vigorously as are traffic laws, then nose blowers have nothing to worry about.
Correction:If this is enforced as vigorously as are bike laws...

Thanks

JK


Nasal Mass, anyone?

Like they are really going to go after people blowing their noses into tissue or whatever. The law would have been just fine without the nasal discharge stuff.

Like they are really going to go after people blowing their noses into tissue or whatever.

Then why go to the trouble to add the wording at all?

Correction:If this is enforced as vigorously as are bike laws...

There are bike laws? Really?

I think the law is reasonably interpreted to cover the old farmer blow, and that's it.

Tissue vending machines anyone? Will that contract go out to bid? Maybe a RFP for tissue vending machine design? I suppose the planning agency will have to hire a consultant.

all joking about snot aside, this code is obviously targeted at the homeless who can often be found doing any number of otherwise private acts in public. why? because they're homeless, not because they're criminal. maybe if the city provided more "convenience stations" (whatever those are) or (in the vernacular) public *restrooms* then all people, even the homeless, could hock and spit into toilets rather than sidewalks, not to mention all the other acts of toileting and personal hygeine that all but the craziest of people would prefer to do in private.


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