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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 22, 2006 12:09 AM. The previous post in this blog was Moment of Zen, indeed. The next post in this blog is Shakeup at the PDC. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

Get your Muse on

As part of the academic life, I often receive in my various mailboxes what's known in the trade as a "call for papers." Some academic institution or scholarly journal is soliciting erudite writings for inclusion in a symposium on some esoteric topic or other. Sometimes they sound a little desperate; I get the feeling that the best collections are usually those assembled through private invitations, not through scattershot announcements.

Anyway, I just received a call for literary products of a different kind. Willamette Week is putting on another of its "Candidates Gone Wild" parties in advance of the upcoming elections, and it's sponsoring a political limerick contest as part of the festivities. The Double Dub has sent out a personal invitation to readers of this blog to submit entries.

Now here's an incentive to give it a shot: "Storm Large has agreed to read the finalists from stage on the night of the event and we will give the winner some nice prize." Storm Large, people! (Note to self: Find out who Storm Large is.)

As a participant in last spring's CGW, I can attest to the facts that it's a fun event, and that it helps shed light on the important choices that voters will be making. It's not without an agenda, however. Put together by WW and the kids at the Bus Project, CGW tends to reinforce the prevailing "progressive" political platform. The audience is packed with Stennian true believers, and it seems unlikely that any candidates whom the two sponsors are endorsing will emerge from the evening with any major scars. Meanwhile, candidates with whom they disagree may want to watch their backs.

Having said that, there's no reason not to get in on the hijinks. If you've got a political limerick, drop it in the comments here and we'll pass it on to the powers that be at Pulitzer Central. It doesn't have to be about the November races -- any topic will do, so long as your submission has to do with public affairs in Oregon. And the more wickedly funny, the better.

Here's one to get you started:

There once was a Member named Earl
Who rode his Trek all through the Pearl
One day his chain broke
He fell on a spoke
And now he sounds just like a girl

Like I say, it's just a warmup. You work on yours, I'll work on mine.

Comments (21)

I see there's another attack
from that grumpy old kvetcher named jack
his red-faced tantrums seem odd
at the waste and the fraud
but in the end, he's just watching our back
...thanks Jack!

You don't know who Storm Large is? Why, she's a genuine Portland celebrity, and you should Google her immediately! The chance to get "a nice prize" handed you by Storm in person is definitely worth it!

There once was a fireman named Randy
Who thought his fat pension was dandy
If you tried to tip off
The world to this ripoff
He'd kick your a*s halfway to Sandy

There once was a voyeur named Zach
Who paid to watch girls in the sack
The police asked him why
He shrugged with a sigh
And handed his lawyer some more jack

We once bore a mantle of democracy
where freedom was more than a mockery
then terrorists struck
George Bush was in luck
he used fear to promote his hypocrisy.
The people became disillusioned
when taxes were spent with profusion
they paid for a war to keep terror from our shore
while the rich smirked at George’s illusion

There once was a blogger named Jack
Who tried to protect Portland's back
He let people comment
Though some made him vomit
And he told them never to come back!

The PDC's awfully handy
When the Mayor is giving out candy.
It may not be fair,
But the Mayor won't share
With Eric, Sam, Daniel, and Randy.

Kohler said to Neil build a tram for me,
to our new Biomedical facility.
Neil declared 'what you smokin?'
Kohler asked about the kid he'd been pokin
and Neil said I'll go talk to the city.

How many voters must sign up
To add Emilie Boyles to the lineup?
Just a few will suffice
If they all will sign twice
And say "A fiver? I swear I've put mine up."

Kinda weird Jack - in sending my limerick "p" in "paid" became an "s" "said"? I'll bet Isaac's "say" should read "pay" - hmmm.

I actually intended "say" instead of "pay" because most of the people who said they gave Ms. Boyles' campaign the $5 didn't actually pay it.

The Dems often insult Karen Minnis
But no matter, for thickish her skin is.
However they curse,
It could be much worse;
Imagine if she'd been born twinnis.

There was a young man from Eugene
whose charisma the world had not seen.
With charm unsurpassed,
he wooed patrons vast;
And even had time for the teens.

VOE in the City of Roses
meant the voters had to hold their noses,

doling cash by the ton,
to a crook on the run.
And we "owners"? The system did hose us.

There once was a commssioner named Randy
Who thought he had a FPDR plan that was quite dandy,
He said all the voters would OKAY
31 years of tax increases to pay,
Does he think we are a bunch of mon-kays?

Free publicity is what candidates seek
To reporters they all go and speak
But it can be a surprise
And it's not always wise
Ending up on the cover of Willamette Week

Sorry, Sam makes my creative juices rise to the fore:


There once was a commissioner named Sam
Who hated cars and WalMart more than green eggs and ham,
Sam, how come such fervent anti- passion?
“'cause among all my cronies, it's quite the fashion,
When being elected, your $2B a year I’ll spend,
On things you want with no end.
$1M condos and trams and more,
Nay, to the developers, I’m no whore."
But, Sam, what is the answer to poverty, housing and cancer?
“Why light rail is always the answer.
Why do we need living-wage jobs for the poor,
When they can take light rail to the Oswego shore?"

To qualify, three years you'll trudge
In Oregon's rain, mist, and sludge.
Youlee's neighbor said "No,
They must be in a row."
Did she err? If so, You be the judge.

Hmmm. I messed up the meter:

She said that for three years she'd trudged
Through Oregon's rain, mist, and sludge.
But her neighbor said "No,
They must be in a row."
Was she right or not? You be the judge.

If I may steal part of Cynthia's rhyme scheme:

A mayor who came from Eugene
Had cold flashes like I'd never seen.
When he took off his clothes
He thought that he froze.
Just so -- he was down in the teens.


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Miles run year to date: 319
At this date last year: 172
Total run in 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269


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