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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 12, 2006 7:40 PM. The previous post in this blog was Wicked Thought of the Day. The next post in this blog is Another one bites the dust. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

The road to comedy gold is wide open

O.k., amateur comedians of America, it's the perfect setup for a standup joke:

While out bird hunting on his south Texas ranch today, Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter.

Take it from there, in the comments. (Via Cwech Blug.)

Comments (61)

He told police that he saw something moving in the bushes, and he figured it was Osama bin Laden.

The other guy's bird call sounded like "Hillary! Hillary!"

Cheney later remarked: "And people think George Bush is a stupid president. Well, I can tell you that he's never accepted a hunting invitation from me."

Another veep who can't spell. He said he was hunting quayle.

"I panicked when my pacemaker went nuts, but it turns out one of the kids in the office had just put a 50 Cent ring tone on my cell phone."

As Spiro Agnew (almost as luminous a Republican Veep as Cheney) famously said, when asked whether he'd beaned his tennis partner with an errant shot accidentally or on purpose: "I can do it either way."

"My intelligence said he had WMD. Should I have waited until there was a mushroom cloud overhead?"

Citing a confidential source, The New York Times is reporting that Cheney was apparently given faulty intelligence regarding the identity of his intended target. According to the source, Cheney believed that he was under imminent threat of attack and preemptively fired in self-defense.

"Heh heh, wait 'til the chimp hears about this one!"

"People want to know how I could mistake the rustling of a small bird from a large man in the bushes. I tell you that those little birds are my enemies. They will mingle in with innocent civilians since they have no respect for our way of life or our freedoms."

"I accidentally searched his Google records, too."

This is how it felt during the Monica scandal. And both had a senior White House official shooting something off aimed all wrong. One hit a blue dress, the other hit a lawyer.
These are the times comedy writers are supposed to deliver. I will do my best to be a part of this. Bill McDonald - The Portland Freelancer.

You all miss the point.

He's just a mean, nasty guy.

Afterward Cheney put a cigar in the barrel of the other guy's rifle, then smoked it. Ewww!

He apparently was tired of shooting himself in the foot.

Here's the headline from the first time I saw this, at http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/02/dead_eye_dick.html :


"The Vice President in a veiled warning to his former chief of staff Scooter Libby shot his hunting partner."

thanks for the link jack. (see comment #3)

What better way to celebrate Lincoln Day?

That poor guy who was shot probably had told his wife the night before, "And I was just blown away when the vice president invited me to go hunting with him."

Showing he's not a world-class quailer.

come on
maybe he had oil on his hands

Here is my attempt:

Vice President Prematurely Blows his Wad.

Or worse yet:

Dick Blows Wad into Friends Face

Tom Lehrer was fifty years ahead of today's news:
"I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow,
Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow."

On to Iran!

Where's that bird-hunting buddy Scalia when he's really needed?

Here's a new strategy for dealing with terrorists -- furloughs from Gitmo to go hunting with Cheney.

Cheney learned how to shoot a rifle at FEMA.

"I knew Aaron Burr. Aaron Burr was a friend of mine. And, Mr. Vice President, you're no Aaron Burr." -Thomas Jefferson

Bush will be looking over his shoulder during the next State of the Union address. Fat Teddy will be out in the audience yelling "Pull!"

Interviewed at the Vice Presidential residence, a housekeeper, who identified herself only as Hortensia, told CNN: "I'm not surprised. You should see the floor around the upstairs toilet."

I guess Mr. Cheney got tired of mounting quail and decided to try an attorney instead.

Wow, Cheney shot a fellow American. You know, looking back maybe it's best that he didn't go to Vietnam.

Birdshot in the head is worth two in the bushes.

funny though, it's still safer to ride shotgun with Cheney than with Ted Kennedy

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan is so full of it. He’s calling this “Collateral Damage in the War on Pheasants.”

You may have gotten funnier responses if you had used 'him shooting a lawyer' angle.

"If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: I'm opposed to all forms of gun control." - Dick Cheney

I told Abramoff not to go on that trip.

"Eats, shoots and leaves"?

"Vice President Elmer Fudd."

credit: http://www.jameswolcott.com/

The Ballad of Dick Cheney

http://plmagee.com?p=28

Kind of off-topic, but what are the chances that Mr. Cheney gets charged with a crime?

Also off topic, just heard on NPR that the Cheney staff worked with the ranch staff to "get the story straight" before talking to reporters. Evidently, the owner of the ranch talked to a reporter off message, which angered McClellan. That seems paranoid, if it was just a hunting accident.

I'm sure it was a hunting accident, but one that was caused by recklessness and carelessness on Cheney's part, and that's what they don't want to talk about. My avid-hunter buddy told me this morning that when you shoot another person, it means you screwed up, period. This business about "Oh, a certain amount of this just happens in hunting, it's nobody's fault" is a crock. It means recklessness, and it doesn't mean Cheney is evil, but it does mean he screwed up, and I think that's what they were trying to get "straight." They were trying to get people to say it was pure unavoidable accident, which it pretty much couldn't have been.

Sorry. Return to your previously scheduled punchlines.

Linda has it right. It's always the shooters fault, but my guess is that it was just stupidity, not recklessness.
Not that they had "just gotten out of a vehicle" aka road hunting, the "sport" of the drunk and feeble. These are the kind of guys OSP nails every year for shooting deer from their pickups. "Sportsman" Indeed!
Now, don't get the idea that I hate hunting. I've spent many a fine autumn day pursuing game birds with my friends and their dogs. The walk is the best part, well, maybe eating the bird later.
Canned "hunting" like Cheney's is for guys (note I didn't say men) who just want to brag about what great shots they are (add sex punchline here)

Today VP Cheney got a prescription for Viagra. His doctor wanted to prevent him going off half-cocked.

Gives the phrase Dead-Eye Dick a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

While he continued firing from the gunslits in his secure unimploded bunker location, the Senate increased special investigation hearings into the treason and war crimes charges on Cheney, for which he faces a possible death penalty.

Now that's freakin' funny comedy gold.

"Ooh, sorry! What's a little friendly fire among friends?"

-or-

"Thought you were a pheasant insurgent for a second there."

No, I am not a professional comedy writer. What's more amusing is the media hype surrounding this "event". There was an accident, somebody was injured, everybody is going to be fine. Add Cheney, hunting, firearms & weve got ourselves a big story! Run with it!

No criminal charges. We can't have a Sitting Vice President distracted by nonessential litigation, now, can we? The Supreme Court would put a stop to that in a hurry.

Bush already has already pardoned him in advance.

When asked about the incident Cheney snarled, "Just remember, Harry had a gun too."

Ready! Fire! Inspect!

It's the Bush-Cheney plan to Save Social Security, one recipient at a time

Can you say "loose cannon?"

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Say something I don't like
And I'll shoot you, too

The difference between Cheney and Shakespeare is that Shakespeare only talked about it.

Old School:
If you donate $200,000 or more, you can go hunting with the Vice President...

New School:
If you DO NOT DONATE AT LEAST $200,000, you will have to go hunting with the Vice President...

The elederly victim could not hear CreepVeep say "Go duck yourself"

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