DeLay's guilty, insider says
A source close to House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said today that she saw first-hand that the Texas Republican had indeed committed the crime on which he was indicted.
"I saw and heard the whole thing," said Skippy, a squirrel who resigned last April from her position on top of DeLay's head. "He was definitely in on the scam." Skippy and DeLay parted ways over the intemperate remarks that DeLay made about federal judges in reaction to the Terry Schiavo case. She was replaced by a squirrel who was recruited from the staff of Sen. Trent Lott, R-Mississippi.
"I doubt DeLay will do time," Skippy said today on a brief break from her current job of gathering nuts on the Capitol Mall. "They never do. But he ought to."
| Posted at 2:47 PM | Permalink |
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Comments (6)
Things you can learn from your local paper:
The Washington Post reported ealrier this year that black squirrels and grey squirrels are the same species. Black squirrels are found a lot in Canada, where their black coats absorb more warmth from the sun and allow them to get through the winter a little easier. Grey squirrels like being warm too, but get an advantage in warmer areas because their grey coats are harder for predators to see.
In the late 1800's/early 1900's American squirrels were hunted so aggressively that Teddy Roosevelt feared they'd go extinct. He brought a population of black squirrels from Canada and released them in the National Zoo. Since that time, that original black squirrel population has spread out and moved north, often displacing grey squirrels -presumably (and this is me, not the WaPo) because the population of squirrel predators has declined. In the absence of all those hawks, the marginal advantage of better cammo has given way to a marginal advantage for warmer winter coats.
Either that or God did it. Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Or it might disprove global warming because more black squirrels must mean the winters have been colder.
Posted by Chris Len | September 28, 2005 5:25 PM
Actually, the grey squirrels have been decimated by cancer that they contracted by eating potato chips.
Posted by Jack Bog | September 28, 2005 6:08 PM
Jack said, "Actually, the grey squirrels have been decimated by cancer that they contracted by eating potato chips."
And, because evolution forgot to give grey squirrels adaptation, they keep running under car wheels.
Lots of them on my local streets.
35 years ago in Eastmoreland it was possums in nearly every road kill.
Now it's squirrels and raccoons.
Posted by steve schopp | September 28, 2005 11:03 PM
The squirrel in question could have just been arguing that all the other squirrel's should get raises; either that or they would all reveal the hiding places for all the nuts. Who has the highest squirrel budget? Or is it nut budget? If we cut the squirrel budget will the number of manageable hiding places for nuts go down?
Posted by Ron Ledbury | September 28, 2005 11:22 PM
So, what you're saying Ron is "Follow the nuts?"
Posted by Chris Len | September 29, 2005 7:43 AM
What I was saying was that folks like Tom need staff to get their job done, and that the staff hold secrets (the nuts - hiding places - for any dirty work) too.
One weakness in my argument is that "unpaid" interns sometimes hold cards too.
The whole place is a nuthouse.
Posted by Ron Ledbury | September 29, 2005 8:55 AM