This Cat is 12 years old. It is very cute and has a long tail, so it will look good sitting in your window while you are away!
It has two looks on its face at all times 1) surprise. 2) angry glare.
It has always been vindictive and angry. It will shred your arms to the
bone if picked up, so handling is not advisable. Cat will use litter box
only once and then considers it soiled and will choose your chair (or
elsewhere) instead. Free *1 month supply/ 5 gallon bucket of Nature's
Miracle* will accompany Cat to new home. Cat hates other animals and
children and people so please be an animal free and kid free and
spouse/friend/roommate free home. Cat can only live with one Person. Cat
hates for Person to have other people over, so you shouldn't have
friends or it will pee in their purse or on their shoes. Person should
be strong of mind and body and not at home much, as cat is not into
interaction. Interaction with its Person makes Cat angry, and it will
vomit on your pillow in retaliation.
Cat hates to be inside too long, but will not go through doors as it
hates doorways. You must chase it outside with clacking salad tongs.
Cat's *favorite salad tongs will be provided for free* and will
accompany Cat to new home. Cat hates to be outdoors for too long as it
prefers to pee, poop and vomit on your things, it likes to do this to
claim its Person (this Person could be you!). Cat will come inside
easily at dinnertime, no salad tongs necessary. Cat will vomit once
during, and up to three times after dinner, usually on pillow, duvet, or
laundry. Sometimes it will vomit in doorways. Sometimes it will just
poop in these places. Other places Cat will poop: in front of
refrigerator, in front of windows, near the litterbox, in front of
teevee, on top of you if you are around for too long. Cat should not
have access to any bathrooms as it hates bathmats and will destroy them
on sight with a barrage of pee and poop and finally clawing it to
shreds. Other things Cat will claw to shreds: arms, face, carpet,
pillow, chair, laundry.
Cat has a loud obnoxious yowl to indicate when it is angry. The yowl is
akin to that of a rabid zombie on the make and is quite terrifying, so
you would be well advised to take heed and figure out what Cat wants. If
you haven't cleaned the litterbox in less than an hour, check that
first. It may want you to provide running drinking water from the
faucet. It WILL get on the counters, you should not interfere or you
WILL be sorry. If yowling occurs between the hours of Noon and 7:00 pm,
it may require feeding. Cat will attack you for your food, so it is not
advisable to eat in the house. If not fed what you are eating, Cat will
knock the dishes off the table in retaliation and eat the shards of
glass and porcelain that fall, so that you will be required to take it
to the vet. It likes the attention from the vet. Cat will look sweet and
pitiful at vet's office and as I said before, Cat is very cute. No one
will believe when you try to tell them what Cat is capable of, so don't
try. They will look at you as if you are the problem. I will understand
your situation and you can call me in an emergency to talk about Cat. * 1
year of free consulting and phone support * comes with Cat. I will not
be available in person for support, Cat will not like it and it will
Other things to be aware of with Cat. Cat has LONG hair and is prone to
fur balls and the vomiting of hairy, slimy bits. This can not be helped.
Cat hates any glass of drinking water to be left about and will drink
from it and knock it over. You should not drink water from glasses. Cat
does not like for its Person to sleep. It will walk/stand on your face
with one razor sharp claw in your nostril and yowl like a zombie, so you
would be well advised to stay awake and always be ready to attend to
Cat. Cat weaves evil spells and makes hexes. Many do not believe this is
true, but I am convinced of this fact. Cat will place spells on you
while you sleep or read or watch teevee.
I think that is the bulk of the information I can provide about Cat. Cat
is up to date on shots, sterilized and is physically healthy, it should
live on for several more years. Please bring heavy cloth sack, a metal
box or crate, face protection (I use a hockey goalie helmet) and long
leather gloves when coming to pick up Cat. I will not be available to
assist in transporting Cat.
Thanks for looking.
EDIT WORTHY OF NOTE: Updating ad to clarify that Cat is not abused. Cat
is LOVED... from a safe distance, we are experienced animal people. You
must love Cat or you will not make it long. Cat has always been uptight
and has never been the subject of an abusive situation. We actively
love Cat. Look how cute!! But it is hard. We do not abuse Cat with
clacking tongs. Cat needs a lot of encouragement to go out, and hates
when you have tongs...so free tongs for you...use them as you will. No,
we didn't let Cat eat shards of glass, but Cat would eat the shards if
not herded off. Cat does look cute and act innocent for vet. I really
didn't expect anyone to come forward to take Cat given the extent of the
disclosure I have given. Offers will be the subject of careful, but
unlikely, consideration given the only people who would possibly want
this Cat are going to sell the poor animal to a lab or have 100 other
Cats at home. We have tried it all and consulted with consultants. The
cat is 12 years old for crying out loud! We are tired. If you have the
perfect situation, and you know how to deal with a Cat like this one,
and you are sane, write a proposal and we will give it careful scrutiny.
For those giving free advice, please bring it on! Will welcome ideas -
provided you know something of what you are talking about. Here's the
skinny: Cat has been in care of current owner since kittenhood. Cat was
in an apartment fire once - it was next door but, you know, chaos and
trauma ensued. Cat has always been "particular" unless in the EXACT
RIGHT situation, which is with ONE Person and an "always open and never
closed" Cat door to outside area. Cat will not push open a flap...hates
doorways. NO other pets (poops in their food bowls). And being always
catered to as if in slight fear of Cat. We have 4 cat boxes, each
cleaned every day, not enough for Cat. Yes, we've tried the water
fountain from Sky Mall magazine, Cat hates the fountain. Cat wants a
personal fresh mountain stream or a constantly running tap. Given ALL of
these things consistently, Cat will occasionally cuddle with knees at
bedtime and purr loudly...lest you move with the intention to do
ANYTHING. Cat will then flick the tail in your face, and as I said, the
tail is very long. Or Cat will pound on the bathroom door to attack the
bathmat, or later in the night, your laundry (or worse). Cat is female.
Cat never forgets a slight and her slights are many. She's just a weird
Cat, physically healthy, gets regular checkups with vet to prove it. We
have 4 other very healthy, contented and happy pets.
Thanks everyone for your concerns. Cat probably thanks you too in her way.
- Location: portland
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests