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Monday, March 4, 2013

This is Portland City Hall

One photo, taken in northwest Portland, says it all:

This town is badly screwed up, friends.

Comments (38)

Not only a confusing sign with fine print, but a permanent sign that has specific dates on it!

I assume this sign is around Jeld-Wenn field, and the dates correspond to home game dates.

Little Lord Paulson strikes again.

My first mental association with this is Captain James Kirk's explanation of the fictional card game "fizzbin", i.e., something intended to confuse and catch the unwary off guard.

I paid for the permit, grinding my teeth while I wrote the check. Of course, it penalizes the poorest residents of the neighborhood, since most house owners have garages. I can afford it, but I feel terrible for my neighbors, many of whom are barely scraping by...

Remember who did it to you: Sam Adams and Randy Leonard.

LOL. It reminds me of the time I drove from here to New York City. Had a great time, all over Manhatten -east side, west side, Greenwich Village, Battery Park, as I say, a great time all over. Except for parking spaces (precious little), and parking enforcement (ubiquitous). Maybe that's what they want, little 'ol P-town being just like the Big Apple.

"The City That Works"

I think I can clear up any confusion about the Zone system for parking. There are 10 Zones so far, including the ominous Zone E for "Erogenous" and Zone F for "Fail."

The interesting part about the application forms are the subtle changes from one to another. You can just picture armies of bureaucrats in giant dead buildings full of conference rooms churning out these subtle distinctions. For example:

They all have a 60 dollar yearly fee, but Zone A adds this twist:

May order up to 3 books at any one time...................._____ = $ ___________
There are 10 permits per book @ $10 per book.
Maximum of 12 books per address per permit year.

This represents quite a departure from the Zone M form that offers the books of 10 permits a year without any mention of a maximum per year. Clearly, the citizens of Zone A have been taking advantage.

Of the 10 Zones only Zones G and K include a warning in the darkly bordered box:

Violation of any of these understandings may result in the immediate cancellation of the permit in questions. After cancellation, any vehicle found parked in the permit area displaying a canceled permit will be cited.

Clearly, we have an attitude problem in Zones G and K.

Finally, we get to the most disturbing addition to the forms, fittingly for Zone F. Up until now the differences in the forms were understandable. After all, I'm sure there were 10 different committees involved. They all have the basic 60 bucks a year, and the rest can be explained by the need to micromanage everything into the ground, right?

No, this is where we get into the area of Citizens Reporting Information to the Government. Form F has this add-on:

In the interest of preserving the livability of your neighborhood, your Neighborhood Association and Parking Committee are again requiring all applicants to submit the number of their available off-street* parking spaces when applying for parking permits. The number of APPP permits available per address will be reduced proportionately by the number of off-street parking spaces. (This rule does not affect the current guest permit allotment.)

Resistance is futile. You will obey and you will enjoy it. Didn't you read the central message on the website direct from our leaders? The Zone parking process is not a brazen attempt to shake down residents for even more parking revenue. Please. The "Area Parking Permit Program is designed to help citizens..."

Are we all clear on that? Good, so get with the program. Unless you want to be forcibly relocated to Zone Z.

Bill--if I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times--enough with the Hunger Games fanfic already!

How much more wasteful can City Hall get? How green is sign with such a short life span that will be obsolete in less than three months? How many times will this same scenario be played out and with how many of these signs? Message to Charlie: STOP the social engineering, STOP the car hater mindset left over from Sammyboy’s administration, and START an active process whereby alternative transport modes will become more self-sustainable by paying their own way instead of poaching motorist paid road revenues.

And when Paulson shows up looking for another handout (he's about due -- give it another year or two), laugh his lily white butt right out of City Hall.

Wastefulness is the inevitable side effect of having a large number of useless zealots on the payroll.

Take a deep breath, TR. The signs have stickers, just like the signs that have been in use for the last two years.

It's a perfectly simple and straightforward system: you can park for three hours, unless it's one of the listed days and times, in which case you are limited to two hours, unless (in either case) you have a $60 Zone parking pass or $1 Guest pass on your car, which (referring now to the basic Zone pass, not the guest pass) in the case of residents has to display the car's license plate, but in the case of business owners and employees is transferable from one car to another, and in the case of the Guest pass must be indelibly marked to display the day's date, and you have to keep in mind that the pass (this applies to both the Zone pass and the Guest pass) is not valid on 21st or 23rd or in other areas that are marked with different parking limitations than those generally applicable to the zone. To get a Zone pass, you merely have to affirm that you are a "legal resident" -- whatever the city may think that means -- at the address in the zone from which you apply, and submit legible copies of a proof of residency (such as a utility bill) that is not more than thirty days old, and a legible copy of the certificate of registration of the car for which you are making application.

See? It's simple!

Coming to a street near you!

Let's see, locate a major sports arena downtown and provide no parking at the facility. What could go wrong?

Northwest Portland, another victim to parking -less bunkers - in this case a scoreless drunkard-filled bunker.

The city slipped fliers under all the windshield wipers last week. Including my vehicle, which already had a zone M permit in the rear window. Both Saturday and Sunday this weekend, there was a city of Portland vehicle parked in front of Fred Meyer processing applications.

Vancouver's looking more and more attractive...

Let's see, locate a major sports arena downtown and provide no parking at the facility. What could go wrong?

You mean they're NOT all taking the MAX, as supporters of the soccer proposal said they would?

Allan L., thanks for the tip.

We need only bring our own appropriate sticker to place on the sign to grant parking privileges on demand for our own schedule.

Take a deep breath, TR. The signs have stickers, just like the signs that have been in use for the last two years.

And since the sign is mounted eight feet up, to apply the new sticker requires a City employee (at $30/hour) to show up and climb a ladder. Since the ladder must also be eight feet tall, the employee must have a spotter and thus a second employee at $30/hour.

Of course, they will show up a week before to put up a temporary "no parking" sign so that they will be guaranteed to have a close parking space, so as to "not waste time". Then they will get there...go over the work order, check it twice, check it a third time. Then rummage through their truck for the right sticker. Then get the ladder out - of course, making sure that they use proper lifting techniques...all in all, about a two hour job. For a "sticker".

Now repeat, for the dozens of signs in the area that have to be "stickered"...

But at least PBOT did a good job with the sign and it looks professionally made (as in, not made by the City of Tigard).

The question I don't think anyone asked yet:

How often does March 3 actually occur on a Sunday? Or March 9 and April 6 on a Saturday?

These idiots do know that 365 doesn't divide evenly by 7, right?

These idiots do know that 365 doesn't divide evenly by 7, right?

Calendar realities of the real-world don't matter in pretend-world. Besides, like a lot of signage in Portland, it probably works just fine to sufficiently confuse and frustrate the reader.

Gawd I love this blog...

How often does March 3 actually occur on a Sunday? Or March 9 and April 6 on a Saturday

It only has to happen once for you to get a (fairly pricey) ticket.

Allan L and Bill, since you both seem to have it all figured out, how does having a handicap sticker play into Lord Paulson's free parking signage craziness? This should be fun.

Come to think of it, I could have forgone the permit and just remembered to move my car every 3 hours, except for every two hours March 3rd, 9th, and April 6th. $60 down the drain.

A sign worthy of an old Firesign Theatre album cover.

"Offer not good after curfew in Sectors R and N."

How many accidents will happen while drivers pause in the street to try to decipher that sign?

Re. Firesign Theater, just move up to Skyline. "They never come up into the hills."

I'm just grateful that the word "Jeld-Wen" doesn't appear anywhere on this sign, threatening to make it obsolete even sooner. Oh how I wish the City had a regulation saying that traditional names must stay in place and sponsorship names be subsidiary or signified by signage on the building or premises only. We'd simply have Multnomah Stadium, sponsored by PGE, Jeld-Wen and what parade of corporate may follow over the years. No extra expense changing TriMet signage, schedules, etc. etc. at no cost (I am guessing) to the corporate sponsor.

For the directionally challenged, Multnomah Stadium is in SW Potland

There are very few FREE parking places for and around the Max line... Ride a Bike up hill!!

I thought it was 'Civic Stadium'?

I do wish you'd listen, Wymer. It's perfectly simple. If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower peg. You simply collect his note before lunch, after you've done your scripture prep, when you've written your letter home, before rest, move your own clothes onto the lower peg, greet the visitors, and report to Mr. Viney that you've had your chit signed

Just looking at the sign is enough to make one's head spin!

This is more of the behavioral overlay on our city.
I can see it now, more and more signs,
more penalties if not in compliance.

Amazingly these jackasses have not (yet) recognized the great potential for parking $ out here in 3rd world Portland. But they will, and when they do, I have a plan.

If they really wanted to charm and disarm the good soccer-loving, car-parking people of Portland, they would add one more line:



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Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
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Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
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Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
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Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
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L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
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Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
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William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
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