Here's a sure-fire way to suck the life out of your Saturday: A four-hour meeting sponsored by the City of Portland about "how to lead an effective meeting."
This training is open to all interested individuals who would like to learn how to effectively create welcoming environments for community members to participate and work together to improve the livability of Portland’s neighborhoods, use conflict management skills for controversial issues and be an effective voice for your community in front of city council.
Among the speakers is a guy from the Association of Oregon Rail and Transit Advocates. Then a "community facilitator" will sound off. Finally, Nurse Amanda herself will get up to pontificate on "Do's and Don'ts for Testifying in Front of City Council."
We already know the biggest "don't": Expect them to listen if you're not telling them what they want to hear.
Comments (10)
So you don't have to waste time, let me offer some helpful tips for the following topic:
"use conflict management skills for controversial issues"
1) Schedule the meeting when most folks can't attend - head'em off at the pass.
2) If for some reason somebody actually gets to talk, interrupt them and say - "Let's put that issue on the PARKING LOT list and we'll get back to that" - of course you will effectively manage the meeting so that time will run out before you get to that nasty parking lot.
3) Should you have to actually address the issue yourself (because God forbid the medial actually informs the public there is more than one side to an issue), make sure you first say that YOU UNDERSTAND their concerns and then change the subject to something tangential. Remember, never address the issue directly as this could show your hand.
There are many, many more techniques but until you master these my little grasshopper, you are just wasting my time holding the pebble in my well-greased palm.
Since I moved to eastern Oregon five years ago, I have attended some of the first really productive meetings of my life. I think it is because there is more basic respect for individual differences-kind of ironic given that Portland prides itself on honoring diversity.
About fifteen years ago, I worked for a time as a contractor for Sprint. By the time I was done, I argued that the company should change its name to something more truthful, like "Crawl Like A Gut-Shot Hyena," mostly due to its meetings policy. Whole days would be wasted on idiotic meetings that existed solely so some starched shirt could pretend to be important. The worst was a managereveryone referred to as "Peanut-Head," who learned that the best way to pretend to be busy was to schedule endless team meetings to discuss and ignore changes in procedures. By the time I left, Peanut-Head was into the habit of (wait for it) scheduling meetings to prepare for meetings. This way, he could justify having nothing to show for his time other than innumerable handmade PowerPoint awards to himself and the most complete "Star Wars" action figure collection that ever graced a managerial cubicle anywhere.
Well, it's good to know that Peanut-Head moved to Portland and is trying to get the whole city to have meetings to prepare for meetings. My recommendation: right between the eyes.
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 21
At this date last year: 52
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Comments (10)
So you don't have to waste time, let me offer some helpful tips for the following topic:
"use conflict management skills for controversial issues"
1) Schedule the meeting when most folks can't attend - head'em off at the pass.
2) If for some reason somebody actually gets to talk, interrupt them and say - "Let's put that issue on the PARKING LOT list and we'll get back to that" - of course you will effectively manage the meeting so that time will run out before you get to that nasty parking lot.
3) Should you have to actually address the issue yourself (because God forbid the medial actually informs the public there is more than one side to an issue), make sure you first say that YOU UNDERSTAND their concerns and then change the subject to something tangential. Remember, never address the issue directly as this could show your hand.
There are many, many more techniques but until you master these my little grasshopper, you are just wasting my time holding the pebble in my well-greased palm.
Posted by Tim | March 8, 2013 11:15 AM
Weird. Sounds like a "free" indoctrination session. Only choir members need attend the sermon.
Posted by Mr. Grumpy | March 8, 2013 11:33 AM
Don't think of it as free. Think of it as performance pricing.
Posted by Bill McDonald | March 8, 2013 11:48 AM
Since I moved to eastern Oregon five years ago, I have attended some of the first really productive meetings of my life. I think it is because there is more basic respect for individual differences-kind of ironic given that Portland prides itself on honoring diversity.
Posted by Cynthia | March 8, 2013 11:51 AM
During the Do's and Don'ts for Testifying at City Council session, attendees will learn to use twinkle fingers to show silent support for City policy.
There is no sign for disagreement.
Posted by reader | March 8, 2013 11:57 AM
Amanda Fritz is going to be there ... and there's free lunch. That means only one thing: Mississippi Pizza!
Posted by Garage Wine | March 8, 2013 12:18 PM
Garage: There's no such thing as a free lunch.
Posted by Anthony | March 8, 2013 12:24 PM
The dirty little secret about "progressive" liberalism is that they're all about diversity... as long as you don't dare disagree with them.
Posted by Mr. Grumpy | March 8, 2013 12:28 PM
Remember to discuss your TPS reports.
Did you get the memo?
Posted by Mike H | March 8, 2013 5:21 PM
About fifteen years ago, I worked for a time as a contractor for Sprint. By the time I was done, I argued that the company should change its name to something more truthful, like "Crawl Like A Gut-Shot Hyena," mostly due to its meetings policy. Whole days would be wasted on idiotic meetings that existed solely so some starched shirt could pretend to be important. The worst was a managereveryone referred to as "Peanut-Head," who learned that the best way to pretend to be busy was to schedule endless team meetings to discuss and ignore changes in procedures. By the time I left, Peanut-Head was into the habit of (wait for it) scheduling meetings to prepare for meetings. This way, he could justify having nothing to show for his time other than innumerable handmade PowerPoint awards to himself and the most complete "Star Wars" action figure collection that ever graced a managerial cubicle anywhere.
Well, it's good to know that Peanut-Head moved to Portland and is trying to get the whole city to have meetings to prepare for meetings. My recommendation: right between the eyes.
Posted by Texas Triffid Ranch | March 8, 2013 7:40 PM