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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Here's one for Bill McDonald...

... or anybody else who would like to take a shot at some comedy greatness.

Comments (8)

I did have one semi-classic line in an encounter with the IRS. Comedy freelancers work without a net - there is no unemployment, for example, if times get rough - and the fact that the checks have nothing taken out of them can lead to some tax delinquencies. It sometimes comes down to priorities: Do I want to fall behind or do I want to starve? You're not a tax deadbeat if you pay eventually, and I even tip by not taking every last deduction I could. It's too much hassle.

So this one time, when I had just gotten caught up, I thought I'd have a visit just for the closure and maybe talk them out of the penalties. It didn't work but I thought it was a funny scene:

The agent was hot. She looked Swedish maybe and was beautiful. Frankly, the more bureaucratic she tried to look the sexier it all came off. She didn't give me a break on the penalties, but it was worth a try. Our meeting was done.

As I got ready to leave she said, "One more thing. Now that you're caught up I was wondering how you got this far behind on your taxes?"

I gave her the Bob Newhart deadpan delivery and said, "I'm a comedy writer. Sometimes I'm funny, and sometimes I'm not."

I was once in a coffee shop in L.A., mid-afternoon, with about five patrons in the place, total. One of them was Rodney Dangerfield. He looked even worse in person that he did on the screen. And you couldn't help but eavesdrop. He was regaling his lunchtime companion with tales of his IRS audit. Apparently some autographed photos of the no-respect guy saved him a bundle.

I'm reminded of an old, old joke told to me by my grandmother (who had one hell of a warped sense of humor) that ended with the punchline "Son, aren't ye a bit old to be believin' in leprechauns?"

Good answer, TTR. This makes no sense on so many levels, the first and most obvious that almost any woman under 40 has to threaten a man in order to get him to have sex with her.

I did have a female boss once who regularly made advances on a male coworker who refused to submit. Maybe because she was half again as tall and twice as large as he was. He played in a punk rock band and was an ardent Reagan supporter, something that also made no sense.

The 40% penalty Agent Abrahamson was threatening is also known as the 'Stiff Penalty'. Another good reason why you should always send a pro to an IRS audit.

This all rings true to having a wonderful tax lady who takes all my receipts and makes the IRS happy, so I suppose in an audit I would be properly chaperoned.

Do I need to point out this was not about sex but about abuse of power?

Like if he was totally willing and ready to get busy with this lady, she wouldn't have been interested.

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