Portland police may help in elephant ownership flap
The Portland police bureau announced this morning that it has offered to assist in the forthcoming negotiations between the Oregon Zoo and a California company that has ownership rights to the new baby elephant born at the zoo. At a hastily called press conference at police headquarters, Chief Mike Reese said he had begun discussions with Metro officials, who are in charge of the zoo facility, to have the police serve as a go-between between the zoo and the company, Have Trunk Will Travel.
"We believe that our officers have important skills that they can bring to the table in this situation," Reese told reporters. "Our expertise may make it possible for the calf to remain in Portland while she receives the basic training that she would otherwise undergo under private ownership. It's another opportunity for a worthwhile public-private partnership."
The chief noted that Portland police are expert in the use of stun guns and billy clubs, which are key elements in training pachyderms for circuses and ride operations. Although the use of bullhooks by police is rare, Reese said that several officers had already contacted him to volunteer for practice with the devices. "The bureau is here to protect and serve," Reese said. "We think we're uniquely positioned to help solve this problem."
He added that city commissioner Amanda Fritz, a retired mental health nurse, has offered to be present to comfort the animals during their interactions with the police. The city may also form a new Elephant Equity Commission (EEC) to supervise the project, Reese said.
I'll tell you, watching those videos of the goons at work in the elephant rental company, it didn't take long before I was hoping to see one of them get trampled. That crap is barbaric.
But, is Metro so hard up they have to sell offspring to run the zoo? Maybe the breeder politicians in local government could contribute a child or two.
Funding for the Elephant Equity Commission will come from a new City fee imposed, per capita, on the air breathed by all persons within the City limits, regardless of whether they are City residents or not. There will be an exemption for all elected officials and government employees, who by he nature of heir jobs, inhale a larger quantity of oxygen than the average, so as to be able to exhale the necessary volumes of hot air.
This is not an unconstitutional inhalation tax, but a per capita fee.
ALL government agencies have a difficult time staying in their own lane, so it's not all that hard to believe.
The Portland Police Bureau has clearly given up on protecting and serving law abiding citizens. They might as well tackle a job more suited to their "counseling expertise" since preventing property and violent crime is too difficult a task.
Ha, ha! I noticed that the Zoo had an appeal in today's Oregonian in regards to a name for the new baby elephant. Of course you don't really get to suggest anything. Unlike when Packy and other baby pachyderms were named, and citizens were allowed to propose what they liked, the "keepers" have "chosen" a handful of approved names that you must select between. When this happened the last time, I asked the Zoo why they weren't letting Portland citizens contribute their own ideas (our neighborhood families had a great suggestion which they would not consider) and we were told that the keepers "knew best."
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend No. 12
Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
Famille Perrin, Cotes du Rhone Villages 2010
Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
Familia Bianchi, Malbec 2009
Terrapin Cellars, Pinot Gris 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2009
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Termpranillo 2010
Ravenswood, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2010
Waterbrook, Reserve Merlot 2009
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills, Pinot Grigio 2011
Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio 2011
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir 2009
Lello, Douro Tinto 2009
Quinson Fils, Cotes de Provence Rose 2011
Anindor, Pinot Gris 2010
Buenas Ondas, Syrah Rose 2010
Les Fiefs d'Anglars, Malbec 2009
14 Hands, Pinot Gris 2011
Conundrum 2012
Condes de Albarei, Albariño 2011
Columbia Crest, Walter Clore Private Reserve 2007
Penelope Sanchez, Garnacha Syrah 2010
Canoe Ridge, Merlot 2007
Atalaya do Mar, Godello 2010
Vega Montan, Mencia
Benvolio, Pinot Grigio
Nobilo Icon, Pinot Noir, Marlborough 2009
Portuga, Rose 2011
Revelation, Chardonnay, Pays d'Oc 2010
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2005
Monte Alto, Tinto Reserva 2005
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Cabernet, Indian Wells 2009
Espiral, Vinho Rose
Vin-Koru, Pinot Gris 2011
14 Hands, Hot to Trot Red 2009
Rodney Strong, Cabernet, Sonoma 2009
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #11
Portuga, White 2010
La Bourgeoisie, Red 2009
Januik, Red 2009
Three Rivers, River's Red 2008
Kirkland, Alexander Valley Merlot 2008
Muga, Rioja Rose 2010
Quinta das Amoras, Vinho Tinto 2009
Mauro Molino, Barbera d'Alba 2009
Garda Chiaretto Rose
Columbia Crest, Two Vines Vineyard 10 White
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris, Columbia Valley 2009
L'Hortus, Rose de Saignee 2010
Maculan, Pino & Toi 2008
McKinley Springs, Bombing Range Red 2008
Trader Joe's Pinot Gris 2009
Montes Alpha, Cabernet 2007
Gran Sasso, Sangiovese, Terre di Chieti 2009
Garda, Classico Chiaretto Rose
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 1999
Picos del Montgo, Tempranillo 2008
Chateau de Montmirail, Vacqueyras 2008
La Granja 360, Syrah 2009
Montgras, Carmenere Reserva 2009
Lange, Pinot Gris 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Cabernet 2008
Kirkland, Pinot Grigio 2010
Trader Joe's Coastal Syrah 2009
Columbia Crest, Horse Heaven Hills Merlot 2008
Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay 2009
Vieux Papes Red
Domaine de l'Aujardiere, Chardonnay 2009
Santa Rita, Cabernet, Medalla Real 2007
Penfold's, Koonunga Hill Shiraz Cabernet 2008
Guild, Red, Lot #02 2008
Dievole, Dievolino Sangiovese 2008
Laforet, Burgogne Chardonnay 2009
Columbia Winery, Merlot 2007
Bonterra, Cabernet 2008
Elk Cove, Pinot Gris 2009
Maquis Lien 2006
Scott Paul, Pinot Noir, Le Paulee 2007
The Occasional Book
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt
Road Work
Miles run year to date: 29
At this date last year: 66
Total run in 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269
Comments (13)
Jack this is the funniest yet. Nice Job!
Posted by Bill | December 4, 2012 10:23 AM
I'd pay to see Packy sit on any PoPo officer who tried to shoot it with a beanbag gun.
Posted by Harry | December 4, 2012 10:56 AM
I'll tell you, watching those videos of the goons at work in the elephant rental company, it didn't take long before I was hoping to see one of them get trampled. That crap is barbaric.
Posted by Jack Bog | December 4, 2012 10:58 AM
I'm laughing to keep from crying.
Posted by Cary | December 4, 2012 11:09 AM
This is priceless!
But, is Metro so hard up they have to sell offspring to run the zoo? Maybe the breeder politicians in local government could contribute a child or two.
Posted by umpire | December 4, 2012 11:42 AM
Funding for the Elephant Equity Commission will come from a new City fee imposed, per capita, on the air breathed by all persons within the City limits, regardless of whether they are City residents or not. There will be an exemption for all elected officials and government employees, who by he nature of heir jobs, inhale a larger quantity of oxygen than the average, so as to be able to exhale the necessary volumes of hot air.
This is not an unconstitutional inhalation tax, but a per capita fee.
Posted by Nonny Mouse | December 4, 2012 11:48 AM
Just let Tusko the stud elephant stomp a few street kids downtown and we can all be happy...
Posted by Tony | December 4, 2012 12:02 PM
Will the EEC be within the City of Portland or will it be a new layer of Metro?
Posted by Erik H. | December 4, 2012 12:11 PM
Elephantgate....
Who knew what when?
Posted by nancy | December 4, 2012 3:13 PM
This new mission makes a lot of sense.
ALL government agencies have a difficult time staying in their own lane, so it's not all that hard to believe.
The Portland Police Bureau has clearly given up on protecting and serving law abiding citizens. They might as well tackle a job more suited to their "counseling expertise" since preventing property and violent crime is too difficult a task.
Posted by ltjd | December 4, 2012 3:24 PM
Ha, ha! I noticed that the Zoo had an appeal in today's Oregonian in regards to a name for the new baby elephant. Of course you don't really get to suggest anything. Unlike when Packy and other baby pachyderms were named, and citizens were allowed to propose what they liked, the "keepers" have "chosen" a handful of approved names that you must select between. When this happened the last time, I asked the Zoo why they weren't letting Portland citizens contribute their own ideas (our neighborhood families had a great suggestion which they would not consider) and we were told that the keepers "knew best."
Posted by NW Portlander | December 4, 2012 8:27 PM
I'm enjoying this debate on one level:
It isn't everyday that the elephant in the room, is an elephant in a room.
Posted by Bill McDonald | December 5, 2012 1:15 AM
Hostage negotiators--who could be better?
Posted by Sam L. | December 5, 2012 8:44 AM