Detail, east Portland photo, courtesy Miles Hochstein / Portland Ground.



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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on November 25, 2012 8:44 AM. The previous post in this blog was He taught me how to watch, fight, and pray. The next post in this blog is Take an Alka Seltzer -- here comes another helping. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Caption this photo

Downtown Holiday Unveiling
So far the best we've got is, "He filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk."

Comments (32)

In a flashback of his own mentoring, Sam wistfully realizes how little time is left to give away Portland's remaining assets.

"A lump of coal? I've got a full streetcar full of coal for this clown!"

Where are all the good little boys?

"Wait until this clown finds out there is no Santa"

"...in closing I must say I am very disappointed at being required to deliver Portland’s presents by streetcar and believe the new reindeer tax is a bit unfair. Last but not least, Mrs. Claus and I don’t understand why the North Pole is being asked to help pay for the Sellwood Bridge project."

Don't you mean "He filled all the stockings, then turned to a jerk."

So in conclusion, because the reindeer were emitting too much methane and contributing to global warming, from now on we will only be delivering toys by bicycle. Although Tom Miller has timed all the traffic lights for us, we will still only be able to reach about 112 kids this year. Sorry, the rest are out of luck.

This repulsive creep says his plan for a new partnership, Santa Committee and new tax on all deliveries will result in a better Christmas for families throughout Portland.

How the heck did you ever get such an idiot for Mayor?

I'd like to bump into him in the city hall men's room......

Sam: "Gee, I wonder if anyone else sees that it's Neil Goldschmidt."

Damn, now I know what my next career move it going to be!

I'm just about there on size, can lie my ass off, and no one will make a fuss if a little one is sitting on my lap.

"And here to present you with this year's naughty list, Mayor Adams."

Santa Clause speaks at a press conference where Portland Mayor Sam Adams unveiled his plan to address a city revenue shortfall by collecting a fee on rooftop reindeer parking.

"On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!" And that was before Beau!

"And the brown envelope goes to...."

Santa: "I am here today to announce Sam Adams has been selected to lead our sustainability efforts on the Island of BrokenToys.
Wood chipping and composting will begin immediately.
Do not put reindeer s**t in the green bins.
Pick up will be only on a monthly basis.
All plastics must be put in the blue bins....

I'm feeling a little jolly under my slacks right now. I wonder if his elves are near by?

Rest assured the Better Bag Ban will not affect my sustainable toy bag....

"I am here to announce that Mayoy Creepy has been naughty."

"I shall resign as Santa effective at noon tomorrow. Vice Santa Adams will be sworn in as Santa at that hour in this office."

(thought bubble above Sam): "I think I met him at the 2007 International Bear Rendevous. But he was wearing all leather, so it's hard to tell."

Sam: Wanna' jingle my bells?

Oops, that's "Claus".

Just a moment, I have to go back and get the whip out of the sleigh.

"See these Christmas balls I have in my left hand?? They used to be the Mayor's. See how he is covering up?? Yes, it is true, as they say,---your Mayor has no balls."

Sam is so excited about trains, he's ready to pull one.

Sam's smiling cause he's looking forward to sitting in Santa's lap as soon as the presser is over.....

Hey, Bud, is that the best job I can expect after mayorship?

Santa did his best to fill everybody’s Christmas wishes and then turned to Sammyboy and said: "Along with the wishes of others, here are your walking papers. My job is very difficult as is, so quit dictating how people – including myself - should travel, and stop trying to plug up all the chimneys in Portland you jerk!”

Sam:
I know he knows who's naughty and nice, but does he have to hold a d#@*! press conference just about me?

"Sorry I'm late -- the closest parking spot was in Beaverton."

"When a Celebrated Activist Turns Out To Be an FBI Informant, the Sagittarian
Satyr Cause© is hereby canceled because Pope disputes the date of Jesus' birth.
Sorry folks, no shopping until further notice"


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If You See Kay, Red 2011
Turnbull, Old Bull Red 2010
Cherry Tart, Cherry Pie Pinot Noir 2012
Trader Joe's Grand Reserve Cabernet, Oakville 2012
Benton Lane, Pinot Gris 2012
Campo Viejo, Rioja, Reserva 2008
Haden Fig, Pinot Noir 2012
Pendulum Red 2011
Vina Real, Plata, Crianza Rioja 2009
Edmunds St. John, Bone/Jolly, Gamay Noir Rose 2013
Bookwalter, Subplot No. 26
Ayna, Tempranillo 2011
Pete's Mountain, Pinot Noir, Haley's Block 2010
Apaltagua, Reserva Camenere 2012
Lugana, San Benedetto 2012
Argyle Brut 2007
Wildewood Pinot Gris 2012
Anciano, Tempranillo Reserva 2007
Santa Rita, Reserva Cabernet 2009
Casone, Toscana 2008
Fonseca Porto, Bin No. 27
Louis Jadot, Pouilly-Fuissé 2011
Trader Joe's, Grower's Reserve Pinot Noir 2012
Zenato, Lugana San Benedetto 2012
Vintjs, Cabernet 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White 2012
Rainstorm, Oregon Pinot Gris 2012
Silver Palm, North Coast Cabernet 2011
Andrew Rich, Gewurtztraminer 2008
Rodney Strong, Charlotte's Home Sauvignon Blanc 2012
Canoe Ridge, Pinot Gris, Expedition 2012
Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Gamay Noir Rose 2012
Dark Horse, Big Red Blend No. 01A
Elk Cove, Pinot Noir Rose 2012
Fletcher, Shiraz 2010
Picollo, Gavi 2011
Domaine Eugene Carrel, Jongieux 2012
Eyrie, Pinot Blanc 2010
Atticus, Pinot Noir 2010
Walter Scott, Pinot Noir, Holstein 2011
Shingleback, Cabernet, Davey Estate 2010
Coppola, Sofia Rose 2012
Joel Gott, 851 Cabernet 2010
Pol Roget Reserve Sparkling Wine
Mount Eden Chardonnay, Santa Cruz Mountains 2009
Rombauer Chardonnay, Napa Valley 2011
Beringer, Chardonnay, Napa Reserve 2011
Kim Crawford, Sauvignon Blanc 2011
Schloss Vollrads, Spaetlese Rheingau 2010
Belle Glos, Pinot Noir, Clark & Telephone 2010
WillaKenzie, Pinot Noir, Estate Cuvee 2010
Blackbird Vineyards, Arise, Red 2010
Chauteau de Beaucastel, Chateauneuf-du-Pape 2005
Northstar, Merlot 2008
Feather, Cabernet 2007
Silver Oak, Cabernet, Alexander Valley 2002
Silver Oak, Cabernet, Napa Valley 2002
Trader Joe's, Chardonnay, Grower's Reserve 2012
Silver Palm, Cabernet, North Coast 2010
Shingleback, Cabernet, Davey Estate 2010
E. Guigal, Cotes du Rhone 2009
Santa Margherita, Pinot Grigio 2011
Alamos, Cabernet 2011
Cousino Macul, Cabernet, Anitguas Reservas 2009
Dreaming Tree Cabernet 2010
1967, Toscana 2009
Charamba, Douro 2008
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
Lorelle, Willamette Valley Pinot Noir 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2007
Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
Purple Moon, Chardonnnay 2011
Horse Heaven Hills, Cabernet 2010
Lorelle, Horse Heaven Hills Pinot Grigio 2011
Avignonesi, Montepulciano 2004
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Mercedes Eguren, Cabernet Sauvignon 2009
Lorelle, Columbia Valley Cabernet 2011
Purple Moon, Merlot 2011
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Opula Red Blend 2010
Liberte, Pinot Noir 2010
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Indian Wells Red Blend 2010
Woodbridge, Chardonnay 2011
King Estate, Pinot Noir 2011
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Columbia Crest, Les Chevaux Red 2010
14 Hands, Hot to Trot White Blend
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Tarantas, Rose
Chateau Lajarre, Bordeaux 2009
La Vielle Ferme, Rose 2011
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The Occasional Book

Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead
Maria Dermoȗt - The Ten Thousand Things
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
Christopher Buckley - Thank You for Smoking
William Shakespeare - Othello
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things
Sara Varon - Bake Sale
Stephen King - 11/22/63
Paul Goldstein - Errors and Omissions
Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Steve Martin - Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Beverly Cleary - A Girl from Yamhill, a Memoir
Kent Haruf - Plainsong
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 220
At this date last year: 67
Total run in 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269


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