Meh. Just two random white guys.

Ahh, the memories are flooding back. I might not be able to play great guitar, but I always knew what the great ones were doing. At least I did 'til I heard the guitar solo on Michael Jackson's "Beat It."

I had no idea how Eddie Van Halen was able to muster up that kind of firepower, so I asked the head-banging room service waiter about it at the hotel where I worked. Not only did he explain it, but he had an extra ticket for the upcoming Van Halen concert and I went. This was in the 1980s.

The cool thing was that Van Halen stayed at the hotel where I worked and David Lee Roth commented on it from stage. David was a quote machine although he did say one thing that foretold of Van Halen's troubles ahead. A woman threw a bra onstage and David said, turning to Eddie, "This is way too big to be Valerie's." I thought, "Man, you don't show that kind of blatant unnecessary disrespect to a man's wife, especially when he's a guitar god." I knew they would go to war eventually and despite their schtick that everything was a good time, trouble loomed.

I also became a Van Halen fan, eventually seeing the Sammy Hagar version twice, including the legendary Thanksgiving show here in Portland. At one point I had a black Kramer guitar like Eddie's with the lockdown strings so it wouldn't go out of tune no matter what you did with the whammy bar. I even did some of the hammer-on guitar stuff. The thing with Eddie is that he can go from a complicated strumming part, right into a lick and back seamlessly. He is a beast. He is a monster.

Eddie is one of the few musicians I've ever written to regarding alcoholism trying to encourage him to stay sober. I recognize how much trouble drinking is for him. The same addictive properties that made him play endless hours of guitar, also got him caught in other horrific addictions such as cigarettes and booze. Hell, he's even addicted to blowing smoke rings. I wish him the best. It's not every musician who invents a new way of playing an instrument. He is a guitar god.

But back to David Lee Roth: Intelligent but obnoxious. A paramedic. An exercise nut. A surprisingly adequate, underrated singer. A quote machine. Tons of charisma. Attitude for days. A cartoon and an incredible pain in the ass. In short, a lead singer.

Ahh, Van Halen. If I collapse and appear done for, put on their song "Panama" and crank it. If that doesn't get me going again, it's official. I'm dead.

As for the other guy in the post, I have no idea. Maybe a roadie.

I saw VanHalen right after their first album came out and they weren't able to fill up a big venue yet. It was in a large theater and it was epic. Eddie is indeed a rock god.

Outside of:
- White male (I thought CoP had too many of these already)
- Open mouth
- Hopelessly anachronistic

No similarity.

Nah. Jefferson Smith looks far too much like Chris Barrie, the English actor best known for playing Arnold Rimmer in the Britcom Red Dwarf. In fact, I see some similarities between Smith and Rimmer in personality, too.

Smith also reminds me of the jilted husband Maddox in the movie "The English Patient".
Soft, doughy, and a traitor...

I call no dice on the DLR resemblance.

Jeff Daniels, however, is another story:

http://www.readthespirit.com/storage/dc%20Jeff%20Daniels.jpg

You have to admit, Jefferson Smith did a good job playing the groom in the new E*TRADE ad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my9YlMK749g

Top Jeffy. He's the king!

J Smith looks a lot like Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear

When you say Jeffy, I think of Smith as Jiffy. Either the peanut butter or the lube job.

T:

I thought the same thing!

("HAMMOND!!!")

One guy is an intelligent but egomaniacal narcissist with receding hair who broadcasts whatever random thoughts he has at the moment because he KNOWS that you want to hear about them. The other guy was the lead singer for Van Halen.

One is a has been, the other is a wannabe. Or they're both has been wannabes?

I might vote for David Lee Roth before Smith. On second thought, I definitely would!

Diamond Dave wins in a fight. Every time.