Detail, east Portland photo, courtesy Miles Hochstein / Portland Ground.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on April 6, 2012 9:43 AM. The previous post in this blog was Headline of the Week. The next post in this blog is Happy Passover. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.



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E-mail, Feeds, 'n' Stuff

Friday, April 6, 2012

Meet the staff

Tomorrow's the start of the voting in our latest round of the WW Mayoral Madness tournament, and as a public service, we're giving the voting public a chance to see the cabinet that we'd put together if we win. Now, keep in mind that we're not counting our chickens (or soy-substitute chickens) before they hatch -- we haven't extended any formal invitations to these prospective staffers -- but here's an idea of the kind of folks we would seek to bring to the party. They're a bit different from the current crop of Portland mayoral staffers:

Chief of staff:

Bill McDonald
Arts and culture director:

Esperanza Spalding

Public safety liaison:

Phil Stanford

Communications director:

Amy Faust

Parks and recreation director:

Dwight Jaynes

Environmental services director:

Who else?

Personal bodyguard:

Chris Snethen (file photo)

Our leadership team would be unsurpassed. Vote for Bojack, early and often, tomorrow through Monday!

Comments (24)

Shouldn't you be taking time to mend fences with supporters of previously vanquished opponents? For example, the Pachyderm's 50th birthday arrives on the 14th; perhaps a succulent carrot cake should be forwarded his way by one of your staff members. And, you really do not want denigratory comments on a local radio station during the current, challenging campaign.

I insist on being part of the covert staff.

As Chief of Staff, I could be a target for bribes and payoffs, so I want to take this opportunity to assure the voters that I am now officially open for business.

Just put the money in an envelope and leave it with the receptionist at City Hall. Thanks.

Oh, somebody asked if tens were okay or if I preferred large bills, so I want to make this very clear: In my world, tens are large bills.

Thanks for your support.

The Rice-Hutton race has over 5,500 votes in play. What are we going to do? I don't even know that many dead people!

Vote early and often for those over whom Bojack can be victorious.
Our future city pensions, and kick-backs depend on it!
Can I assist Stenchy?...after all I am semi literate, and I have opposing thumbs.
Bill McDonald! be aggressive...ask for 20s!

Can't wait to join the team!

I don't know what Jack's slogan will be but I'm going to rework a line from "Jaws" for those of you planning to bribe me:
"We're going to need a bigger envelope."

Great picks...go Butter Bean.

I think Chris Snethen's file photo is really a bald headed Chris Smith. Jack, how could you do this subterfuge? I thought you were above politics.

Jack, honored as I am even to be mentioned as a possible member of your administration, may I humbly suggest that you also give me oversight of Water, Transportation, and the PDC, because that's obviously where the money's at. I mean, let's get real. Public Safety liason? Seeing as how we're still in the planning stages here, maybe you could give that to McDonald.

That is a solid staff. I might actually vote you for real mayor of Portland with that staff.

Man , I am with Justin , take that crew to the real mayor's race , storm the castle !

I've already taken in some serious cash for a new proposal, but don't worry. We're going to be studying it for the next 18 months with a special 27-person committee. The idea is a gold mine though. Better than the train to Milwaukie.

Would you feel more enthusiastic about the public safety job, if my people arranged a piece of the action for the fine work you've been doing?

If not, I'm willing to listen to any suggestions especially if the offer is reasonable. The last thing Jack needs now is a power struggle on his team.

Let me be blunt here: Do you see that guitar in the picture? It's a knockoff of a Les Paul and I'm not crazy about the sunburst finish.

Maybe, if that were to mysteriously turn into a vintage Les Paul with a black finish and gold trim, I could begin to see you playing a bigger role in Portland's future. What do you say?

At the same time - as I'm sure you'll understand - I don't want to aggravate any of our business partners who've already paid up.

So let me put it to you this way, on a hypothetical basis: How would you feel about a condo tower on top of Mt. Tabor?

Anyone who would have Bill McDonald as Chief of Staff gets my vote!

Public Transit Model

(Source: Wikipedia 'Further')

Now I got a sense of the dirty politics going on in this election and, because of such behavior, I can tell you who the LOSER is.

Your opponentchick, Jack, about an hour ago fell for the Free Love lies, (worth what she paid for it), from LarsLarson and his fizzbang micromoan. She was his 'get' today in his last local hour, (he called her) and she got to be on the RADIO! The thrill in her voice was visceral, and viscous.

LarsLarson stalled 15 whole minutes to start with, puffing his loaf of whitenoise, pretense of 'interview' about (and abetting) rightwing 'judges' dictating Congresstitutional law, because the lady was a lawyer he was talkmocking to, although I didn't actually hear her take a position on a single one of the barbarous attackuestions that LarsLarson spieled of Obama arrogancy snubbing 'justices' and by extension the Law and by extension lawyers and by extension you, lady lawyer, being 'interviewed' -- dontchaHATEObama? I didn't catch her name or her 'get'guest angle, nor did I care except it(whitenoise) sounded odd that after every baritone run-on protagonistic verse, the off-stage alto chorus response laughed, out LOUD, a full-jolly lady unabashedly cackling, convulsing really, as if in the presence of idiotic slapstick, at every metaphorically long orated line LarsLarson strung out there ... to get to the bottom of the hour, and hold her over after the break, he's up against the clock unexpectedly dontchaknow. Normally his guests don't laugh heartly at his 'interview'.

When we come back there's LarsLarson admitting "promised you (lady) to tell about this Willamette Week mayor [sic] vote [sic]." So I listen. It turns out she's your opponentchick lady lawyer, Jack! 'Interviewed'! and endorsed! on the LarsLarsRadioPersonalityoftheYearLarsonLarson! programming, telling 'everyone' to 'get on' and vote for her (I think maybe her name was Cindy) this Saturday, Sunday and Monday. LarsSlursem shut up and she (was) 'got' to say you were a good tax lawyer, Jack, but claimed she had more humor, (you could hear her authentic laughing at WillyWk superciliousness), and she said her campaign slogan is Taking Care of Potholes, but your slogan is probably Taking Care of Potheads; I tried to speed-dial the studio and ask which holes she took care of her pot in, but my cell battery was uncharged.

Whatever. LarsLarson listening loons can't even 'get' the internet, nevermind WWwebsite, nevermind voting. Cindy Opponentchick spent her entire Free Speech advertising to vigilante imbeciles; (they're the ones you see in the store buying Alpenrose dairy products, another advertiser) -- she's lost.

Furthermore LarsLarson announced his favor on her -- blackmarked loser now. Instead of "Jack Bodan-, uh, Bogdanski ... about the most indiosyncratic lawyer editorial-'we' have ever had the acquaintance of." I think he was trying to say, Jack, you've got a moral sense. And he doesn't.

So there's my report from the field, at the scene of public airwaves, fact-checking and sound biting-back the mockshock talktrippers. Filling into any minute hole of LarsSlursem programming is consorting in Dirty Politics, transacting bizness in the Free Blackmarket, and so hapless Cindy 'got' swept away by a Radio Personality of the Year ... about 1984 I'd say.

Sheesh, bojack, you have more visitors per day than LarsSlursem gets listeners in a week. He pleads for someone, anyone, to call in, and the same four do each day. He has three Likes and zero Follows in facebook. Most time he can 'get' no guest, ("because," he says, "they haven't got the guts to match his brain banter" or bantum), and he hangs endless hours by his tongue twisting slowly solo-y in the wind. And for a month now since all hatetalk radio commercials were cancelled, he doesn't even have an ad-buy spot time clock to tongue twist up against and get a break. Lars has moderated these days from talking hate to genuflecting he is of a different opinion and how many different opinions he is of himself in between bland public service announcements occupying media.

Tanned, heady, and fested: You're a shoo-in Jack.

I think Tensky is auditioning for press secretary.

I really want the final two to be Timothy Hutton and Jack. Talk about some creative campaigning!

You need some theme Music!

That's Butter Bean, a.k.a. Eric Esch! He's been cage fighting in recent years. He also knocked out Johnny Knoxville inside the Hippo Hardware in the first Jackass Movie. So he's like, local and hip!

Go Bean!


Lars invited me to speak on his show about alimony reform. Although I am not a fan of his politics or his adversarial style, I was eager to get on the airwaves and get our message out. Then his friend/advertiser and Jack's opponent got involved. Needless to say, my invitation was rescinded. This is her style in litigation too: pull dirty tricks and cause mayhem but avoid going to court to actually argue a case.

Poor Jody, afraid of little old me. And Jack. For a woman with such an imposing presence, you wouldn't think she would be so insecure.

And Lars, shame on you. You agreed with me on alimony reform. I think you understood the comparison to Marxism. But you caved. I thought you were motivated by your convictions, not advertisers.

Bean no longer the super heavyweight champ but is contending for the middleweight title

You know, Jack, you're going to need to hire an ambassador to foreign lands to push Portland attitudes and cultures. I'll just also note that it doesn't get much more foreign to Portland than Texas. Best of all, I work cheap.

Re: "I'll just also note that it doesn't get much more foreign to Portland than Texas."


You don't get down to Austin much, do you?

Some quite rightfully opine that Portland is foreign to most of OR. Diplomatic gambits from the Queen City of the Lower Willamette to the Eastern Provinces of the state have disappeared, leaving no trace. Recent regimes have abandoned such overtures, sending only trash.

Gardiner, most of us try our best to cover our eyes in shame at what Austin has become. The place actually was pretty interesting and unique back in the Seventies, back when Gilbert Shelton was basing his "Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers" comics on three guys he knew in town. Now, though, it's a mix of the worst Portland, San Jose, and Columbia, South Carolina have to offer, with new stupidities coming in as South by Southwest departs and the hipsters suddenly realize that they don't really have to go home. (I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that I'd sooner move to Houston than so much as befoul an Austin gas station toilet.)


As a lawyer/blogger, I get
to be a member of:

In Vino Veritas

Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
Kiona, Lemberger 2014
Willamette Valley, Pinot Gris 2015
Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
Marchigüe, Cabernet 2013
Inazío Irruzola, Getariako Txakolina Rosé 2015
Maso Canali, Pinot Grigio 2015
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Kirkland, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2016
Cantele, Salice Salentino Reserva 2013
Whispering Angel, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2013
Avissi, Prosecco
Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
Pique Poul, Rosé 2016
Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
Stoller, Pinot Noir Rosé 2016
Chehalem, Inox Chardonnay 2015
The Four Graces, Pinot Gris 2015
Gascón, Colosal Red 2013
Cardwell Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
Della Terra, Anonymus
Willamette Valley, Dijon Clone Chardonnay 2013
Wraith, Cabernet, Eidolon Estate 2012
Januik, Red 2015
Tomassi, Valpolicella, Rafaél, 2014
Sharecropper's Pinot Noir 2013
Helix, Pomatia Red Blend 2013
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2013
Locations, Spanish Red Wine
Locations, Argentinian Red Wine
La Antigua Clásico, Rioja 2011
Shatter, Grenache, Maury 2012
Argyle, Vintage Brut 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16 Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2014
Benton Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
Primarius, Pinot Gris 2015
Januik, Merlot 2013
Napa Cellars, Cabernet 2013
J. Bookwalter, Protagonist 2012
LAN, Rioja Edicion Limitada 2011
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2009
Denada Cellars, Cabernet, Maipo Valley 2014
Marchigüe, Cabernet, Colchagua Valley 2013
Oberon, Cabernet 2014
Hedges, Red Mountain 2012
Balboa, Rose of Grenache 2015
Ontañón, Rioja Reserva 2015
Three Horse Ranch, Pinot Gris 2014
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
Nelms Road, Merlot 2013
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris 2014
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2012
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2013
Villa Maria, Sauvignon Blanc 2015
G3, Cabernet 2013
Chateau Smith, Cabernet, Washington State 2014
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16
Willamette Valley, Rose of Pinot Noir, Whole Clusters 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Ca' del Baio Barbaresco Valgrande 2012
Goodfellow, Reserve Pinot Gris, Clover 2014
Lugana, San Benedetto 2014
Wente, Cabernet, Charles Wetmore 2011
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
King Estate, Pinot Gris 2015
Adelsheim, Pinot Gris 2015
Trader Joe's, Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley 2015
La Vite Lucente, Toscana Red 2013
St. Francis, Cabernet, Sonoma 2013
Kendall-Jackson, Pinot Noir, California 2013
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Napa Valley 2013
Erath, Pinot Noir, Estate Selection 2012
Abbot's Table, Columbia Valley 2014
Intrinsic, Cabernet 2014
Oyster Bay, Pinot Noir 2010
Occhipinti, SP68 Bianco 2014
Layer Cake, Shiraz 2013
Desert Wind, Ruah 2011
WillaKenzie, Pinot Gris 2014
Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2013
Des Amis, Rose 2014
Dunham, Trautina 2012
RoxyAnn, Claret 2012
Del Ri, Claret 2012
Stoppa, Emilia, Red 2004
Primarius, Pinot Noir 2013
Domaines Bunan, Bandol Rose 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Deer Creek, Pinot Gris 2015
Beaulieu, Rutherford Cabernet 2013
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
King Estate, Pinot Gris, Backbone 2014
Oberon, Napa Cabernet 2013
Apaltagua, Envero Carmenere Gran Reserva 2013
Chateau des Arnauds, Cuvee des Capucins 2012
Nine Hats, Red 2013
Benziger, Cabernet, Sonoma 2012
Roxy Ann, Claret 2012
Januik, Merlot 2012
Conundrum, White 2013
St. Francis, Sonoma Cabernet 2012

The Occasional Book

Marc Maron - Waiting for the Punch
Phil Stanford - Rose City Vice
Kenneth R. Feinberg - What is Life Worth?
Kent Haruf - Our Souls at Night
Peter Carey - True History of the Kelly Gang
Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Amy Stewart - Girl Waits With Gun
Philip Roth - The Plot Against America
Norm Macdonald - Based on a True Story
Christopher Buckley - Boomsday
Ryan Holiday - The Obstacle is the Way
Ruth Sepetys - Between Shades of Gray
Richard Adams - Watership Down
Claire Vaye Watkins - Gold Fame Citrus
Markus Zusak - I am the Messenger
Anthony Doerr - All the Light We Cannot See
James Joyce - Dubliners
Cheryl Strayed - Torch
William Golding - Lord of the Flies
Saul Bellow - Mister Sammler's Planet
Phil Stanford - White House Call Girl
John Kaplan & Jon R. Waltz - The Trial of Jack Ruby
Kent Haruf - Eventide
David Halberstam - Summer of '49
Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead
Maria Dermoȗt - The Ten Thousand Things
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
Christopher Buckley - Thank You for Smoking
William Shakespeare - Othello
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things
Sara Varon - Bake Sale
Stephen King - 11/22/63
Paul Goldstein - Errors and Omissions
Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Steve Martin - Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Beverly Cleary - A Girl from Yamhill, a Memoir
Kent Haruf - Plainsong
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 5
At this date last year: 3
Total run in 2017: 113
In 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269

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