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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on March 14, 2012 8:40 AM. The previous post in this blog was Win a grand by making a pithy statement. The next post in this blog is Mid-week meditation. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

This says it all

Maybe it's a joke. It must be. A reader sends us this, purportedly from the Portland parks bureau:

If this thing it's real, it's an instant classic, in that it sums up the current conditions at Portland City Hall perfectly.

We start with incompetence. This is the city with a veritable army of paid public relations flacks, and yet it can't spell "necessities"? They weren't even close.

Then there are the warped priorities. They're talking about cutting out trash pickup and closing the restrooms in the parks, but they've got money for this?

Last but not least is the hypocrisy. Not far from the scene of this upcoming eco-love festival, the city recently allowed Tri-Met to clearcut several blocks of nice, mature street trees for the infernal Mystery Train to Milwaukie -- a train that the city actively supports.

What a town. Please, Nick Fish, tell us that this is a spoof.

Comments (25)

It's all for p/r, marketing, brand reputation. Portland is run like a large, privately owned corporation. Guess who the CEO is?

The typo is embarrassing, though.

It's probably a nonissue. Most people don't read the content anyways, only the headline, and if anyone even notices it'll be quickly lost and forgotten amidst the ongoing deluge of city adverts.

The typo is embarrassing, though.

That's no typo. That's stupidity-fuelled incompetence.

Perhaps “niceties” was referring to Earl the Pearl’s bowtie. Just the park bureau’s way of paying homage to one of the great benefactors of trolleys’ and light rail that has done so much for the City of Portland and the parks bureau in general. If Nick Fish was a CEO of a private company it would soon fail.

This thing belongs in an episode of Portlandia.

"Gently hung" . . .

When do they bring out the tags for local businesses?

And let's not talk about the irony of hanging tags made of a material manufactured from trees ON trees to HONOR trees. Tres bizarre . . .

That's nothing. The city of L.O. "dressed up" our heritage trees in silk last year. I kid you not.

This proves they're on retainer from the producers of Portlandia.

That's okay. The message was probably typed on an iPhone.

And commissar is misspelled too.

Re: "Please, Nick Fish, tell us that this is a spoof."

Surely you do not believe Mr Fish takes any interest in a bureau regularly assigned to a commissioner who does not take his assigned responsibilities seriously? We hardly know he's there except when there's a parade and a vintage Cadillac in which to ride, smilingly.

I so wish this were true but this appears to be the only site where this idea is displayed. Too bad, it's so funny. Price tags on trees. Didn't Oscar Wilde call a cynic a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

I see opportunity here. If the trees are going to have price tags, why not sell 'em?

I mean, they're renewable, right? Sell 'em, log 'em, plant new ones.

I can see the Park Blocks as an urban clearcut. Not only would we gain a revenue windfall from sawing them all down and selling the wood—either as timber or as fuel—but Mother Earth would gain the rich, renewing compost of decaying organic residue (sawdust) and the city would save on tree maintenance and leaf removal downtown.

It's a win/win/win! Perhaps Commissioner Fish could swing a ceremonial ax, or he and Mayor Sam could have a special commemorative "misery whip" made and take the first cuts.

Wait a minute! Saltzman said trees have rights. Now Fish wants to put price tags on them like common merchandise. How can this be?

Commissioner Fish is a horrible Parks commissioner. They guy literally does not care. Ask the people trying to save community centers and parks services...he just doesnt care at all unless it is about something new, shiny, and sexy.

Apparatchiks, each and every one of them, paid for and brought to you by a generous donation form real estate development corporations and Wall Street banks who know a perfect setup for a swindle when they see one.

They could at least shape the tags like a tree - you know, like the air fresheners that hide the stink.

Trees are the biggest source of VOC emissions in the urban area (check the recent Oregon Field Guide if you don't believe me). The LAST thing we want is more of them!

I have a friend who works for parks on grounds / landscaping. Says since the city's garbage scheme has changed more residential garbage is being dumped at the parks. I don't think closing the bathrooms or stopping pick-up of the (increasing) garbage in the parks is something a "city that works" would consider, let alone actually do.

Hell, I think you need parks in SimCity, don't you?

Hell, I think you need parks in SimCity, don't you?

Indeed you do. They work wonders in attracting middle/upper class residents and high-tech industry.

Heck, half the fun for me is building parks. And freeways. There's a very Karlockian sensibility to how I play SimCity.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many people on payroll in the Parks division.

In addition, the respect they show to the average citizen thinking he is dumb enough to need garbage put on his trees to remind him what his taxes are bing used for is insulting.

NoPoGuy,
It Does not feel comfortable with Fish at the helm of our parks.
Community Centers vital to those neighborhoods must be kept open.
If they are so broke, then ask him why he voted to pour another $80 million down that Powell Butte hole?

St. Johns has been treated badly before by our city on parks, Johnswood Park was sold for housing, thank Katz and Hales for that one.
How secure are our parks and community centers now?
By the way, what are the plans for the St. John's Community Center/property?

Regrettably, the phrase "gently hung from trees" is what drew my attention. I apologize for initially misreading it. I thought they used the word "hanged." Sorry.

SPACE FOR LEASE signs, gently hung on most of downtown.

Thanks for the catch.

We corrected the flyer.

Every year we celebrate Arbor Day with a week of events (April 1-7). They will be listed on the Parks website.

Extra credit if anyone can guess the value of our tree canopy. Hint: billions not millions.

Nick

PS. Still waiting to hear from Fred Armisen.

Tags will be hanged far low from the trees.


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