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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on February 13, 2012 6:41 AM. The previous post in this blog was Portland has new official pet. The next post in this blog is Partners in crime. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.



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Monday, February 13, 2012

Chuckle of the Week

According to the moguls on Pill Hill, Portland's South Waterfront (SoWhat) District is going to "become one of the most accessible spots in the region." This will happen shortly after monkeys fly out of your butt. The place is a nightmare of difficult vehicular access, and there is no money lying around to improve it at any time in the foreseeable future. But hey, they're telling this story to the folks at Tri-Met, who rank right up there with OHSU when it comes to blurring fiction and fact.

Comments (24)

OHSU donated a parcel to TriMet for PMLR.
TriMet called it a $15 million in-kind contribution to ramp up the local match to get the fed share.

At the same time TriMet announced they would be contributing $10 million towards the coming OHSU/OUS Life Sciences Collaborative Complex building in SoWa.

Where is TriMet getting the $10 million?

From PMLR financing? From the local financing?
The fed share?

They don't have any cash laying around.
Their budget is $20 million short every year as they carve up bus service and raise fares.

Where is the $10 million coming from?

Maybe Metro's Nick Christensen or a TriMet reporter will read this and answer the question?

Or Brian Newman?
He's stopped by here in here in the past.

And why is it that the first OHSU building
in SoWa has no biotech research underway?

How much of the new complex will be for biotech research?

I thought there was going to be a pedestrian bridge. What else do they need?

At times like this, I wish the local media was on our side.

Of course it will be "accessible" most of us will continue to avoid the area! I never would have guessed that it would be easier to find a space and park up at the OHSU on the hill, then it would be to navigate, and park at the clinic, and take to stupid tram - oh and I charge OHSU for my tram ride, and Parking, when I service their instruments.

Of course it will be the most accessible place in the region, and if it's not, OHSU will get the city to pay until it is.

Seems like all they gotta do is look wistfully into the distance and mention something about wondering what it would be like to move there and Sam & Friends will be ready to give them anything.

Besides, accessibility will be touted as the reason those 10,000 biotech jobs haven't materialized. It's for the economy. And the children. Did we mention the children? It's for them. Yes.

Another question: maybe I don't understand this correctly, but why is a federally supported transportation agency like Tri-Met contributing funding to a private hospital's real estate development project?

Or is this just another one of those wonderful "public-private partnerships", aka palm-greasing schemes that has done an excellent job raping and pillaging regional resources over the past 10 or 12 years?

Yeah, all we need is about $300M to fix the I-5 access.

Plus the tilting buildings - Don't laugh, I have a friend who lives in the Ardea. The maint guys are going around all the time fixing cracks and blown light bulbs.

Sure, it's the only neighborhood accessible by tram. If they put a large value on how much an area's "transportation" costs, then SoWat's the most accessible neighborhood in Portland history.

Plus, I hear they're going up as the best new canoe-friendly neighborhood in the United States.

Note to self: Do NOT read Jack's blog while drinking hot coffee (re: monkeys flying out of butts). Where's a towel ...


That "one of the most accessible spots in the region" has all the cachet of "an award-winning building" of which OHSU has several, all which are maintenance nightmares and leak like sieves. One was so out-of-date ten years after it was built that they have to retrofit it.

Laugh all you want, but the idea of using the Tram cables for a zip-line on weekends and evenings would bring lots of visitors to SoWhat.

This ties in with my post in Jack's blog just above. There has not been one vehicular transit improvement in South Portland or SoWhat to facilitate PDOT's own study that said there would be 48,000 additional vehicular trips/day generated by SoWhat.

Sure, they've rebuilt SW Moody, an internal street three times. But nothing else.

At the last SoWhat Urban Renewal meeting they wanted to take $400,000 from the South Portal (SW Macadam/SW Bancroft-street to Spaghetti Factory) intersection improvement budget for bike, ped and an Eco-District bio-mass burner. PDC, CoP, METRO all promised vehicular transportation projects throughout SoWhat to make it less of an island and connect to the city and I-5/405. It hasn't been done for any of the 13 years that SoWhat has been in existence. And our State and City Planning Goals require transportation improvements for such endeavors as SoWhat.

And this applies to the discussions about the Conway property in NW Portland too. Beware of Planning Malfeasance.

Accessible? Let's see - you can only easily get to it in one direction (from the south) unless you're willing to make lots of U-turns and take indirect routes. Sure it has a bike path, so do a lot of other places. Sure it has sidewalks - so do a lot of other places. Sure it has a streetcar - so do a lot of other places.

It doesn't have a freeway exit of its own (southbound).

It doesn't have a mainline (Amtrak) or commuter rail station.

It doesn't have an airport or heliport.

It doesn't have a boat dock (especially surprising since it's right on the water.)

You can't go to or come from the west or east.

The Ross Island Bridge is off limits. Heck, so is Ross Island.

You can't get to it from two of the four major north-south highways in the vicinity (99W, 99E)

It's most accessible...HOW???????!!!!!!!!!!!!

( many TriMet buses serve the area and provide service to the neighborhoods to the south like John's Landing, Lake Oswego, Sellwood...?)

Oh well, at least now fewer people will need to take the aerial tram [rim shot] to get to their destination.

I think the quote from Jack's post is likely a reference to the new "anything but a car" bridge. It's going to be built adjacent to the building OHSU is putting in down in the SoWhat district and will connect all sorts of inconvenient transit into the area.

I'm sure it's not going to change anything. OHSU is still going to be a pain for most folks to get to and there will continue to be a ~5 year waitlist for an employee parking permit.

"anything but a car" may be it exactly.

It might actually be "most accessible" if you pretend cars don't exist and use biased statistics. Who around here does that?

Hey, they're putting a pedestrian bridge there; I saw it on Friday. First time in around a decade that I've been downtown. Last time, too. Their "smart" parking meter couldn't read either of my credit cards.

I never did learn how much OHSU pays TriMet to keep a small fleet of buses and drivers standing by in case the Tram has a problem.

Yes, I’m sure it’s the same team that stands ready to provide shelter to those displaced from their homes during a Police action (multi-hour stand-off) or apartment fire, but don’t tell that story on Pill Hill.

Mr Grumpy, don't forget that to even achieve "only" 48,000 vehicle trips per day PDOT's Matt Brown based that on 45% of all trips into/out of SoWhat would be transit. The latest counts are showing only a little above 7%. And then this is after not one vehicle capacity improvement into SoWhat which makes it miserable for vehicles and should encourage transit use.

SoWhat says so much about our Planning agenda.

It's most accessible...HOW???????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easy! If you are some sort of international jurisdiction criminal, some nice Federal gum'mint employee will drive you there in a very safe limo! Or maybe it is an armored Black Maria.

Go By Paddywagon!

One of my inside friends assures me that the city planners knew from the start that the road and transit connections to South Waterfront / North Macadam would be grossly inadequate. Several of the city council wanted to do the deal so badly that they didn't care about the damage it would cause to the road system.

How about damage to the entire community?

Isaac, "transit connections to South Waterfront/North Macadam" are NOT "grossly inadequate", but you're right about "road"s.

Where else in the city do you have streetcars, lightrail, 47 ft of width for two-way bike/ped path lanes, a tram, a bridge just for mass transit and bikes/peds, but NOT ONE convenient freeway access point? Or even to any other service streets?


As a lawyer/blogger, I get
to be a member of:

In Vino Veritas

Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
Kiona, Lemberger 2014
Willamette Valley, Pinot Gris 2015
Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
Marchigüe, Cabernet 2013
Inazío Irruzola, Getariako Txakolina Rosé 2015
Maso Canali, Pinot Grigio 2015
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Kirkland, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2016
Cantele, Salice Salentino Reserva 2013
Whispering Angel, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2013
Avissi, Prosecco
Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
Pique Poul, Rosé 2016
Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
Stoller, Pinot Noir Rosé 2016
Chehalem, Inox Chardonnay 2015
The Four Graces, Pinot Gris 2015
Gascón, Colosal Red 2013
Cardwell Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
Della Terra, Anonymus
Willamette Valley, Dijon Clone Chardonnay 2013
Wraith, Cabernet, Eidolon Estate 2012
Januik, Red 2015
Tomassi, Valpolicella, Rafaél, 2014
Sharecropper's Pinot Noir 2013
Helix, Pomatia Red Blend 2013
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2013
Locations, Spanish Red Wine
Locations, Argentinian Red Wine
La Antigua Clásico, Rioja 2011
Shatter, Grenache, Maury 2012
Argyle, Vintage Brut 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16 Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2014
Benton Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
Primarius, Pinot Gris 2015
Januik, Merlot 2013
Napa Cellars, Cabernet 2013
J. Bookwalter, Protagonist 2012
LAN, Rioja Edicion Limitada 2011
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2009
Denada Cellars, Cabernet, Maipo Valley 2014
Marchigüe, Cabernet, Colchagua Valley 2013
Oberon, Cabernet 2014
Hedges, Red Mountain 2012
Balboa, Rose of Grenache 2015
Ontañón, Rioja Reserva 2015
Three Horse Ranch, Pinot Gris 2014
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
Nelms Road, Merlot 2013
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris 2014
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2012
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2013
Villa Maria, Sauvignon Blanc 2015
G3, Cabernet 2013
Chateau Smith, Cabernet, Washington State 2014
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16
Willamette Valley, Rose of Pinot Noir, Whole Clusters 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Ca' del Baio Barbaresco Valgrande 2012
Goodfellow, Reserve Pinot Gris, Clover 2014
Lugana, San Benedetto 2014
Wente, Cabernet, Charles Wetmore 2011
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
King Estate, Pinot Gris 2015
Adelsheim, Pinot Gris 2015
Trader Joe's, Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley 2015
La Vite Lucente, Toscana Red 2013
St. Francis, Cabernet, Sonoma 2013
Kendall-Jackson, Pinot Noir, California 2013
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Napa Valley 2013
Erath, Pinot Noir, Estate Selection 2012
Abbot's Table, Columbia Valley 2014
Intrinsic, Cabernet 2014
Oyster Bay, Pinot Noir 2010
Occhipinti, SP68 Bianco 2014
Layer Cake, Shiraz 2013
Desert Wind, Ruah 2011
WillaKenzie, Pinot Gris 2014
Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2013
Des Amis, Rose 2014
Dunham, Trautina 2012
RoxyAnn, Claret 2012
Del Ri, Claret 2012
Stoppa, Emilia, Red 2004
Primarius, Pinot Noir 2013
Domaines Bunan, Bandol Rose 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Deer Creek, Pinot Gris 2015
Beaulieu, Rutherford Cabernet 2013
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Benziger, Cabernet, Sonoma 2012
Roxy Ann, Claret 2012
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Conundrum, White 2013
St. Francis, Sonoma Cabernet 2012

The Occasional Book

Marc Maron - Waiting for the Punch
Phil Stanford - Rose City Vice
Kenneth R. Feinberg - What is Life Worth?
Kent Haruf - Our Souls at Night
Peter Carey - True History of the Kelly Gang
Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Amy Stewart - Girl Waits With Gun
Philip Roth - The Plot Against America
Norm Macdonald - Based on a True Story
Christopher Buckley - Boomsday
Ryan Holiday - The Obstacle is the Way
Ruth Sepetys - Between Shades of Gray
Richard Adams - Watership Down
Claire Vaye Watkins - Gold Fame Citrus
Markus Zusak - I am the Messenger
Anthony Doerr - All the Light We Cannot See
James Joyce - Dubliners
Cheryl Strayed - Torch
William Golding - Lord of the Flies
Saul Bellow - Mister Sammler's Planet
Phil Stanford - White House Call Girl
John Kaplan & Jon R. Waltz - The Trial of Jack Ruby
Kent Haruf - Eventide
David Halberstam - Summer of '49
Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead
Maria Dermoȗt - The Ten Thousand Things
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
Christopher Buckley - Thank You for Smoking
William Shakespeare - Othello
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things
Sara Varon - Bake Sale
Stephen King - 11/22/63
Paul Goldstein - Errors and Omissions
Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Steve Martin - Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Beverly Cleary - A Girl from Yamhill, a Memoir
Kent Haruf - Plainsong
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 5
At this date last year: 3
Total run in 2017: 113
In 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269

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