And in the rare event that your actual garbage is scheduled to be picked up on that day...too bad for you!

Maybe city workers can get a snow day. It's in their union contract, after all. Or a snow week, maybe. And for the transportation workers who have to work that day, give them double overtime and a couple of compensatory days to boot. Yay, Mayor Creepy, yay!

Just maybe Emily Sinovic of KATU can drip enough 'emotion' to melt the snow or make it 'feel' bad enough to leave on its own accord.

Just like the Ball Park Hot Dog commercial where Michael Jordan says it isn't officially summer until the hot dogs are cooking, it isn't winter until the Storm Center gets activated.

The burning question for me is whether Stenchy will be properly clothed for the possible coming bad weather.

Perhaps, simIlar to KATU's Bob The Weather Cat, Stenchy can be the official Storm Center mascot. Stenchy The Storm Center Rat sounds really catchy, like the plague he carries is.

If the trash doesn't get picked up on that fearful day, Stenchy looks to be set for a banquet, though it may be a tad frozen.

I bet Mayor Creepy excitedly spent the day shopping for a new dopey hat to wear at the press conference where he will demonstrate the use of a shovel or something lame like that.

What I think we're seeing here with these weather reports is similar to dark matter in physics - thought to make up 83% of the matter in the universe even though it is invisible to telescopes.

I would suggest a new weather phenomenon called dark snow. Just as the gravitational behavior of galaxies proves the existence of dark matter even though it is unseen, the reaction of our local TV stations is too great to be explained merely by regular snow.

There has to be a different weather particle at work. Something that doesn't show up on the streets or sidewalks, something that does not fall from the sky. It isn't white and cold to the touch, but it is still there. It has to be.

It must exist because it generates 83% of the winter weather alerts. This is the weather equivalent of dark matter, so we should call this mysterious form of weather by its obvious name: Dark snow.

The scary part is that it could already be falling outside right now and we don't even know it.

Better stock up on extra batteries for the iLoo, then, huh?

This is brilliance Bill. But seriously. 4:44 am? Obviously this new theory was preying on your mind to the extent of sleep deprivation.

Please God don't let the City roll out the bike lady again to warn everybody against bicycling in the (maybe) snow.

Jack - you need updated Stormcenter (TM) reports - the weekend storm will probably be moved up to Saturday afternoon, though perhaps stretching out until Monday.

However - the real dark matter snow is more likely to ambush us, without warning, on Wednesday. And, if everyone panics from a few, nameable flakes, Stenchy might be feasting all week long!

NW Portlander,
Of course I was up at 4 a.m. Who can sleep at a time like this? We have a weather emergency here.

Actually, sometimes I write comedy from 4 a.m. to 7 when the brain is like the surface of a lake.
It's when you get some usable stuff like my take on Tim Tebow and whether or not divine intervention will be in play against the Patriots: I just want the Lord to cover the point spread.

Dark snow? That concept was just me stalling and screwing around for the fun of it, because I didn't want to get down to work, but I appreciate your kind words.

It's why I like Jack's Blog. It's a fun break and a place to vent.

All humanity is at risk until this is over.