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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Staffer of the Week -- Adopt Amy!

Amy is a one-of-a-kind aide, but in a year or so she's going to need a job! Please give her a loving home. Much thanks, Sam.

Amy (110235) is the Portland Mayoral Staffer of the Week. She is a perky over-achiever who loves people and the attention and affection she can receive from them. She is a three-year communications officer who has the heart and energy of a much older sustainability advisor. Amy has never had a real job so she was quick in adjusting to life at the City Hall. She enjoys going on bike rides and will adjust her speed to that of the person riding with her. Amy has had obedience training and knows many commands. A part of her repertoire includes sit, stay, wait, down, come, roll over, cover up, Tweet, mislead, delay, whine, pout, and her favorite is sic 'em. She loves playing phone tag with you or any other game that will help her expel her energy. Her previous employer says he would trust Amy with kids of all ages, and she likes to go ripping up duct tape with them! Amy will need a cat-free environment as she thinks they are fun to chase. In her recent work she has been left alone in a cubicle for six to eight hours much of the time. She needs to have a job where she can spend more time with her people and receive lots of love and attention. She likes female co-workers, but is not particularly fond of male co-workers. So if you already have a resident flack, a colleague meet is essential for her adoption. Amy is a charming lass who will make a great companion and show you all the love she has in her. Come meet with her at Portland City Hall (1221 SW Fourth Ave., Portland, 503-823-4799)!

Amy’s adoption fee of $55 includes tattoo, microchip ID, collar and ID tag, initial vaccines, one month flack insurance, courtesy exam, and plenty of post-adoption support! Availability is subject to prior adoption.

Comments (65)

If this going to be a stable weekly feature of ye olde blog, I am in total support! Too funny.

Thanks Jack!

Harsh. But funny!

OUCH! That's gonna' leave a mark! (Well at least the one I got laughing so hard I fell off my chair.) Let's hope she has thicker skin than Fireman Randy.

Meow...kind of mean spirited.

Yikes. This sounds like something coming from a schoolyard bully. Cheap shots from the cheap seats (and an amusing lack of self-awareness).

"She is a perky over-achiever who loves people and the attention and affection she can receive from them."

...says the guy with the blog who, day after day, dishes out red meat to his Tea Party sycophants?

"Amy has never had a real job..."

...says the tenured tax law professor?

My be available to ghost-write unauthorized biography on previous owner.

Poor girl, she may have to go back to the real world once her inside info is worth nothing.

Ahhh, who's kidding who? PSU will find room for her at $100K+ a year.

Clever in concept, a little harsh in execution.

Hey Joey-

Thanks for the morality lesson and your cunning inability to grasp the concept of sarcasm.

/not affiliated with any party

Hey Z -

You're welcome. I get sarcasm. But I'm also "cunning" enough to recognize the difference between sarcasm and catty personal attacks.

Good riddance to Sam Adams, and all, but jeez...

For those thinking cheap shots and over the top must not be aware of her history.

After all these clowns have done to destroy real democratic open-access processes and replaced it with private club insider trading- letting off a little over-the-top exasperated steam every once in a while is predictable.

I like the idea, but will these adoptees be spayed and/or neutered when I pick them up, or will I have to pay for it myself?

I call it well executed satire. Nicely done.

"She likes female co-workers, but is not particularly fond of male co-workers" .. I get your disdain for public PR folk, but that is downright inappropriate. Shame on you.

"But I'm also "cunning" enough to recognize the difference between sarcasm and catty personal attacks."

Then you understand Sam's last campaign and why he hired Amy as flack. Ask Bob Ball if you need further.

Oooohh. Now you are pissing off all the people with fake jobs.

Take a look at the link?

I have yet to find other than pics and twitter, where Sam's staff has a listing of
resumes, their education/degrees and experience.

"Then you understand Sam's last campaign and why he hired Amy as flack. Ask Bob Ball if you need further."

Exactly right Steve. This is tongue in cheek, somewhat snarky satire. Nobody is going to get hurt, with the exception of an ego or two. However, Sam, Randy and their sycophants have engaged in the destruction of a number of individuals who have either failed to toe the line or stood in the way of their desired "progress". People have lost their careers, reputations have been ruined, and businesses have been shut down, but since Sam goes about things in the "progressive" tradition of behind the scenes, boiler room politics, I guess that makes it okay in the minds of this apathetic electorate.

I hope this becomes a regular feature.

Regardless of your disdain for PR folks or the Mayor, this is more personal than it needs to be.
Sorry, Jack, not with you on this one.

Look at the number of people he has working there. What the hell?!

Well, for those of us "not in the know," this seems beneath you, Jack. Wanna enlighten the rest of us? Otherwise, it would seem rather mean-spirited.

Yeah... have to come down on the side of needlessly mean-spirited. This is beneath you... or should be.

I'm not sure I get this. Feels a bit over the top. Is there something that Amy has done lately to warrant being described as an animal?

Yeah, she's a PR flack for an elected official - and I suppose they (we) are worthy of disdain. I have plenty of my own disdain for people in my profession.

I can tell you that Amy was a great reporter for the Mercury - a "real job" if ever there was one, and working at poverty wages to boot.

Given the number of law school grads out there without jobs one could argue BoJack's job and Ms. Ruiz's position are equally worthless.

Mean spirited? Not really.
Sam's staff, however, often reminds me of Aesop's tale about The Donkey and His Purchaser.

Often, the author of this blog is a gentleman and a scholar. Sometimes he's kind of a jerk.

I love this blog, but this post is beneath you. Comparing a woman -- or anyone -- to a dog is poor form. You know that she had a baby this week, right? At least let the woman celebrate her week of bliss. If you are truly gutsy (which I think you are) then I vote that you remove this and apologize. You should only got after her if you've got something real and you tell us what it is.

This is pretty much what the old-timers at the old-school newspapers did during the slow news times of August except they picked on the elected politicians.

There's that old saying about "being known by the company we keep".... in this case, by the company we choose to work for.

Hey "seth" you get around much? Do a little Googling and reading. Take a look at the behaviors he is describing, yes they are similar to a canine, but are an excellent parody of Amy, Mayor Creepy, is office, and what has gone on for several years.

Well, the timing could have been better. Perhaps congratulating her on her new baby yesterday would have been a better way to start.

It's a joke. I wish her well with parenthood. I had no idea. I could have picked any one of the mayor's unqualified staff people for this joke. I chose one with a high profile.

If you don't like what's written here, there's always BlueOregon.

Please Jack, just do a flyby, and don't apologize. It will only escalate the roadkill. Your point should be taken and we don't need the know the details about why "Amy is more than a goat on a tether." Poster children are rarely harmed long term because of the company they keep.

You know that she had a baby this week, right?

I had no idea that having a baby made a public official immune from satire.

Jack, keep doing what you're doing. Since the "O" and other local news sources neglect to do their job when it comes to pointing out government waste, then I say go for it.

And if the people that are on the dole with lavish benefits can't take a joke, then I am sure there are a thousand other people out there who would just love to be the target of ridicule for a great paycheck and a great retirement.

Oh Amy Ruiz, gawd, does she bring back fond memories for me. My first 'public' appearance was while she was at the Mercury in the "teenage kissing lesbians get kicked off Trimet Bus" story.

Nobody gives us the local news like Jack Bogdanski.

“Sarcasm: intellect on the offensive”

"I can tell you that Amy was a great reporter for the Mercury"

Funny how she lost her tongue once she started investigating Sam's smear of Bob Ball and kept it lost until Sam hired her.

24 staffers? Do you really need that many.

And if the people that are on the dole with lavish benefits can't take a joke, then I am sure there are a thousand other people out there who would just love to be the target of ridicule for a great paycheck and a great retirement.

If you think working for 3 or 4 years at City Hall sets you up with a sweet retirement package for life, I'd like to have some of what you're smoking.

I used to think of Sam's growing bevy of Twitterers, underqualified appointees and sychophants as "lampreys" attached to the body politic but they can be more appropriate described as pilot fish.

Wikipedia's definition of the pilot fish is telling: "The pilot fish congregates around sharks, rays, and sea turtles, where it eats ectoparasites on, and leftovers around the host species . . . the fish is difficult to land because of its erratic behavior when caught."

"If you think working for 3 or 4 years at City Hall sets you up with a sweet retirement package for life, I'd like to have some of what you're smoking."

Maybe not, but it gives you almost permanent employment. Which means more PERS.

These guys always end up with a raise at some other govt institution if they want to. Sam will probably be the same way.

Cutting through all the crap, the political correctness, the gasps, and the jokes, I sincerely believe one thing about Ruiz:

She wasn't hired as a "Planning and Sustainability Policy Advisor" because she was highly qualified--she has no experience in planning, or sustainability, or public policy, or for that matter, advising on any of these. In fact, there are easily several hundred well-qualified, passionate, team-playing people who *did* fit the bill for that job.

But instead, Adams hired Ruiz, and Ruiz has vehemently sniped, snarked, and defended Adams since. Strangely, she was quietly demoted from the job many months later, and into another job she's underqualified for.


Payback's a bitch.

The funny part's a bonus!

The "dish it out but can't take it" crowd can just...

...take it!

PS, sanctimony's a bitch, too.


Adams' pitbull. I totally get it. Humorous, and appropriate. People in public service need a thick skin. If they are thin-skinned, they need to seek employment in a kinder, friendlier sector.

This is hilarious, Jack, (and I don't care if she had twins).

If Portlanders were as sophisticated and quirky as many of them think they are, this wouldn't rile anyone. Just look at what The O tries to pass off as "edgy."

I'm absolutely with you on this. Every damn letter and punctuation mark.

Excellent work.

She deserves this, and more, for having sold out the whole city by taking a dive on Mayor Creepy's kiddy-love story, in exchange for a cushy job.

She had a baby??? YIKES!!! At least the humane society does the spay and neuter job before!! the adoption!
Do everyone a favor Amy, retire now!

"She had a baby??? YIKES!!! At least the humane society does the spay and neuter job before!! the adoption!"

Jack's orignal post was mean-spirited but somewhat amusing. Your comment just comes off as sort of retarded and bitter.

This is a hilarious satire. I fully support the Rescue Flack Program, protecting the spinners from a painful transition to a life of accountability and productivity, so long as they walk in lockstep with and are loyal companions to their keepers. It's humane to keep flacks in the roles to which they have become accustomed.

23 more to go.

Anyone here believe Ms. Ruiz was not hired by da Mayor because of what she was reporting on at the Merc?? Nice step up from 'Slave Wages'

I love Kari's comment that this feels a little over the top. I'll leave Amy out of it - congrats on the new baby - but I certainly can relate to the rage against flack talk and political speech.

Kari, let's review a few heapings of BS from your colleagues recently:

Sam Adams said in a recent interview, that the most important question for him in his decision not to run again for mayor, was what was in the best interest of Portland. It all came down to, "How can I best serve the people of this great city?" Yeah, right.

Why do politicians bother making statements like that? If there's anything we've learned about human behavior it's that we're motivated by our own self-interests. That's why communism is such a stupid idea. If you tell one person to go out and plant rice for the good of the state, and another gets to plant rice for his or her own benefit, we all know what will happen. So why do we let politicians pretend their primary motivation is to be of service to others? It's obvious B.S.

A recent commenter on Blue Oregon wondered if Jeff Cogen's decision not to run for mayor would have been different if he had known Sam was out. Kari Chisholm's reply was a classic: "I don't think so. Jeff Cogen made his decision entirely on the basis of what job he thought he would most effectively allow him to serve our community. The political "can I win?" aspect was never part of it.
I know this because I repeatedly pushed Jeff to consider the political possibilities, and he repeatedly brushed me off.

Politics wasn't part of his decision-making.

And frankly, that made me proud to be a Cogen supporter."

So Kari, politics wasn't part of a politician's decision-making? How do you even do that? You'd have to be a contortionist just to try.

Politics is the only profession where the people who are doing it accuse each other of what they're doing: "You're playing politics with this!" Do prostitutes say to each other, "You're being a real whore about this"?

I love Kari. I maintain this answer could be in a textbook as an example of slinging political B.S. That sentence, "I know this because..." is terrific. You state the B.S. and then quickly transition into a state of acceptance of the B.S. and move on to explain how you came to know the B.S. that has already been established. That's good.

And, he even got off Newt Gingrich's favorite word for when he's being extra upfront about something. Newt loves to say, "frankly" too, and I think, frankly, that Kari's economy of words here is brilliant. But what really makes me smile reading this, is how Kari promotes himself and his own role in Oregon politics, and then effortlessly kisses Cogen's butt at the end - also good for business.

Do you see the irony here?

At the same time Kari is claiming Jeff is acting out of the good of the whole, Kari reminds us of how human beings really work by making sure his answer is also working for the good of Kari. I love that. Well played, sir. Well played. If Amy can do it at this level she'll have no trouble finding a job.

I meant to say "heaping piles of BS" instead of "heapings."

This is very funny and ANYWHERE but Portland the PC police would realize it is actual "satire"!

The description along with her picture is priceless. Just trying to figure out what breed of dog I have seen with this same expression.

Bill, I love you too.

Here's what I can say about Jeff Cogen: I tried, for a long time, to get him to put together a team of political people to discuss the mayoral option - whether he could win, what it would take, how much money he'd have to raise, who would support him or not, how he'd staff it. All that stuff.

He declined to do that.

Instead, he spent some months considering two things: 1) the impact on his young family, and 2) where he wanted to work; where he believed he could accomplish the most good.

Now, those things are "self-serving" too, if you must. After all, doing a bunch of good stuff is a great way to run for an even higher office. And spending nights at home with your family is surely more enjoyable than running out to the latest officer-involved shooting scene at 2 a.m.

But I can tell that I failed in my mission to get Jeff Cogen to conduct an in-depth study of the political implications of a run for mayor.

Someday, Jeff Cogen will be a great mayor, governor, congressman, or senator. Right now, he's being a great county chair.

If that sounds like I've drunk the kool-aid, well, sure. I'll plead guilty to that. Proudly.

In light of Jack's insightful skew and other comments like Bills, and the falling political dominos around here, it makes sense to make light of how we have in the past just keep rearranging the same old dominos even down to lowly staff that have no experience or educational knowledge in the tasks they are given.

And I think many of them know their ineptness, and that is why so many of them go sideways (sometimes up) in government, and others in government perpetuate this-they need a job. I wish they would realize their lacking and seek experience and knowledge before taking an assignment.

Now if Jack will just let comments about pigs fly, I'd be happy.

"Strangely, she was quietly demoted from the job many months later, and into another job she's underqualified for."

She may have been demoted out of Planning and Sustainability, but as I recall, her salary increased by about 10,000.00 annually as Sam's media mouthpiece. I doubt she will ever have to look for a job outside of the city again, even after Sam leaves. Once in, it's not hard to get "rehomed" somewhere in the system if need be.

Still would like to see resumes, qualifications for all those pictured on Sam's staff.

Have noted that the Commissioner's staff have their education and experience listed, so why not the staff of the Mayor's office?

Am fairly certain some at Mayor's office read this, is there a listing somewhere that I have missed?

Drinking Kool-aid for Cogen is your business. Just don't let that kid add it to her lemonade stand.

Bill McDonald: Your post was a CLASSIC! I loved it!

If we like Bojack's website, we're teabaggers now?

I was a Democrat until Portlandia pushed me out of the P/C tent. I guess I'm an Eisenhower Republican at this stage.

Amy Ruiz is a fair target because she received two jobs she is clearly unqualified for, possibly in order to buy her off with public funds.

I like this site though I don't always agree with Jack. And there are regular posters here who make me want to administer the maximum amount of slap therapy (intensity and duration) allowed before it's deemed torture, but no one would mistake me for a teabagger or even think I played one on TV.


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Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 113
At this date last year: 155
Total run in 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269

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