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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Help us name the Sam Adams world tour

Portland's extra special mayor is off on another absurd international junket. This time he and a staffer are headed to Brazil for a conference on climate change. He's allegedly a featured speaker there, although what useful information he has to offer the world on the subject is microscopic. Apparently he's going to regurgitate what some kid in the planning office told him about "eco-districts," the up and coming "green" boondoggle.

That is, if he shows up for the meetings.

A reader has suggested that someone should design a tour T-shirt for fans of the mayor, like the big rock bands have. But most rock tours have a title, or a theme, often based on the name of a recent album. What should we call the Adams tour? And does anybody have the complete list of cities he's traipsed off to since he lied his way into the mayor's office?

Comments (42)

That's easy: Sam's Horrendous International Tour. (????)

"Blame it on Rio"

“O Brother, Where Art Thou?”

"Flirting with Disaster"

"Adams – Cultural Learnings of Brazil for Make Benefit Glorious City of Portland" - apologies to Borat

"Lost in Translation"

Brazilian Whacks.

Desperately seeking another beau in Bahia.

Sam is busy preparing for his post-political future. Why do you think he installed Skateboard Tommy as the "Transportation Director". It is helpful to be "connected" once the voters turn you out of office.

I think we should take some inspiration from Madonna's most famous tour name, and go with, "Conned Ambition World Tour."

Fave favela Sam of Portland: the City Hall restroom that works.

The Scam-Attems' Boondoggle Mystery Tour.

Sam's Link Up Tour

Adams Family Values Tour

Global War on Teens

Sam's Excellent Adventure

Around the World in 80 Lays

Traveling Light Tour

A Bigger Bang Tour
(apologies to the Stones)

No one has waxed punny on "The Boys From Brazil." Surprising constraint.

Meanwhile, from John Roberts's linked blog:

"Now attacks on the bill are being mounted from liberal groups. Their principal objection is that instead of an independent market for buying and selling health insurance, they want the exchange to negotiate the price of insurance on behalf of small businesses.

That’s not the purpose of an exchange. The only state that currently attempts anything remotely like this is in Massachusetts, which not only has the most expensive insurance exchange in the country but, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation, also has the highest health insurance premiums of any state.

Yet according to Milliman, the Seattle-based independent auditing and consulting firm, even that exchange is less an 'active purchaser' than an 'active market organizer.' As Milliman reports, 'While it [the Massachusetts exchange] has little leverage to negotiate on price with insurance carriers, it can and does effectively use its management of the store shelves to provide consumers with high-value products.'

Under SB99, Oregon’s exchange would have the same market organizing opportunity without the expensive and largely ineffective authority to attempt to negotiate prices. For critics of the bill, that’s not good enough."

Shame and Degradation - 2011 (and 2010 and 2009 and 2008 and well you get the idea)

Portland's best meets the World's gullible 2011

Just remember everyone, this is how the world sees Portland.

...Why do you think he installed Skateboard Tommy as the "Transportation Director". It is helpful to be "connected" once the voters turn you out of office.

Had the same thought.

Have also noted more direction on bike perks.

...more controls on autos. Find the camera timing on the countdown and yellow/red light varies greatly. Observed camera flashing when no one was in the intersection and then no camera photo taken when another clearly went through red. The timing is different on some lights than on others - is that to create a "ticket trap?" Who makes money on these? More tension to drive through these traps! ....go by lightrail!

Perhaps this is the missing link?:

From Beth Slovic, for her new employer:
"Ruiz is looking into who's paying for the trip (and the visas). We'll update the post when we hear back."

"The Forked Tongue Tour"

Boy's Gone Wild World Tour

The Taxpayer Screw-Job Tour?

The Chameleon Tour

Green in Brazil...

Boys to Men tour 2011

Brazilian wax job

Well, Brazil does allow SAME SEX MARRIAGE, so that may be one of the reasons he is going there.

Not that this would justify these sort of travel expenses at the same time government is screaming poverty and cutbacks.

But we all know that government officials function as the lackeys of the corporate oligarchs, and as such they get to do these wasteful sort of activities

Meanwhile the serfs (us) have to go to actual work every day and beg for decent wages and benefits while they charge us more for every single item we need to live.

Feudalism is alive and well, its just called "capitalism" to keep us believing that we are free.

The Boys of Brazil Tour...

"Boy from Ipanema"
Tall and tanned and young and lovely
the Boy from Ipanema goes walking
and when he passes
each man he passes
Sam goes Aaah!

When he moves it's like a samba
that swings so cool and sways so gently
that when he passes
each man he passes
Sam goes Aaah!

I believe there a mentoring summit and a mensrooms hook ups conference.

Choosing to fly unnecessarily to another continent to preach sustainability turns "Walk the Talk" into "Fly the Lie". This could all have been accomplished via video conferencing if he really cared about making a difference and reducing HIS carbon footprint.

I'd like to see someone initiate a state constitutional amendment that would prohibit all state and local employees from paying for their international travel using any kind of taxpayer funds. I can't believe Portland's citizens let Mr. Adams get away with this abuse of his office.

Sam the Scam and the Sharrows World Tour

The Junket Science Tour

Empty Words Rio

Sam & Clay's [s]Excellent Adventure

Hmm, world tour names. Wait, I know a way to figure this out: Justin Bieber is 17 - the same age Beau Breedlove was when Sam started the mentoring process - so why not take the name of Justin Bieber's concerts: "My World" tour? Sam certainly sees things from that point of view.

And couldn't you picture Sam joining Justin Bieber onstage to celebrate his 18th birthday? Bieber Fever - Breedlove Fever. It's all starting to fall in place.

It'd be even better because Justin is rich. Sam wouldn't have to give Justin an envelope of cash like he used to give Beau prior to the investigation. Remember? Sam would drop the money off at the city hall receptionist so it didn't look suspicious. My those were inspirational times - it was so nice to know he would help a young person out even if it looked bad. What a guy.

Of course, John Kroger looked at that arrangement and saw nothing but a loan. Nice to see those East Coast street smarts kicking in.

Hey, why stop there? Why not bring John Kroger on the road to be the tour's P.R. guy? He's got the experience, and it would be lots of fun for him. Just imagine all the press releases.

What's really annoying is, the Brazilians, being thousands of miles away and not knowing any better, will see and hear the mayor of world-famous Portland tell his stories of dazzling successes and probably believe every thing he says.

Ya gotta know there are Sam's counterparts down there who also like to have sightseeing trips.

So they'll provide praises for what Sam accomplished in exchange for invites to come tour Portland.

The stench of it all ranks up there with a transient bathing in a restroom sink.

"Mayor Adams: Pedostainability just for you"

L'homme de Portlandia Tour

"E-co-boo, where are you?" Spring '11 Tour

Carbon Conundrum: The Portland Hipster JetSet World Tour du Jour!

"How many carbon credits for that box of Trojans?" (Em Português, Por Favor) Tour.

Young At Cart (It Can Happen To You) Tour

The I don't give a rip that our mayor is out making Portland look good internationally while I laugh about the tin foil hat crowd in Portland freaking out about it tour.

In all honesty. Jack's good for the city. Nice criticism and all if it wasn't for all the deleting and banning of differing opinions. Its funny because I'd bet many dollars he couldn't stand to be in his most loyal commenters general area for more than a few minutes in real life.

Of course the problem, Phil, is that "Hizhonor" mayor creepy, can NOT make Portland look good internationally or any other way, period. Adams is an ignorant, lazy, incompetent, liar, who assumed office under false pretenses. He is an embarrassment to himself and our city at best, and a real detriment at worst.

Laughingstock 2011.
Donde Esta El Men's Room?
Brazilian Whacks.
Beau Knows World Travel.

Nice criticism and all if it wasn't for all the deleting and banning of differing opinions.

You mean, like yours? Or mine? Or Jim Karlock's? Or a few hundred others? C'mon, man. I've seen Jack ban a few, but they had to be seriously obnoxious to get there. And hell--ever try making an honest comment in a City Council meeting? Maybe Jack should just have all dissenters "wave their hands".

The Sustainability Tour.

(If it lasts more than five days, call a doctor).

P.S. -- Watch out Portland: after a trip to a Brazillian eco conference, Adams will come back with a master plan for mandatory fee-based collection of all those leaves and grass clippings for one of those bogus biofuel energy plants. Just think of the jobs it would create! -- more of them squadrons of government jobs trying to enforce and collect the fees than there would be private sector jobs inside another climate-killing carbon-based energy plant.

Speaking of carbon-based waste, where's Sammy jetting off to next?

The "Find a Brazil nut-sack" tour

Enough with all this....

His tour should simply be called... "The Junk Junket Juke"

Unfortunately "Warped Tour" is already taken.

I hope he enjoys himself. In a little over a year he'll be back in a trailer park on the outskirts of Newport, studying for his GED.

I saw him the day before yesterday in the neighborhood, in muddy jeans, scuffy boots, and a black T, on his phone outside a local eatery. At first I thought- could this be the mayor of Portland? It looks just like him, sort of your generic sociopath in glasses on his cell phone...but, but, what's with the tan? Totally unnatural
tan, any pale Anglo with that deep a tan is usually wrinkled and the tan is never so even as this cafe-au-lait look he has going...

Oh, of course, silly me.


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