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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Cancel everything

Snow is falling in Portland. Large white flakes, mixed in with rain. The snow is very cold. The rain is very wet. If the snow starts to stick to the ground, roads will become slippery, and it could become difficult to stop a vehicle. Or even to make it go.

Reporters are assembling on the Sylvan overpass. Tri-Met is about to stop all buses for three hours to chain them up. MAX light rail will, of course, stop functioning any minute.

Earl Blumenauer is holding a press conference to announce that he did not know it was going to snow.

Remain calm. Stay indoors, and away from windows. And of course, stay tuned to bojack.org Storm Center 9000.2 for all the latest updates.

Comments (9)

Here in San Diego it is raining and ALL the tv channels have their reporters outside with umbrellas issuing dire warnings about "wet and dangerous! streets". "You could get wet out here" said one talking head.
It must now be a national policy to do this sort of thing.

EVERYBODY PANIC! And could you send some of that down this way? We still haven't had any rain since our big week-long blizzard and freeze at the beginning of the month, and a good rain would wash most of the sand and dust off the roads.

One of the few times I appreciate Mayor Adams is when he wears his Elmer Fudd like hat standing outside to announce how to deal with inclement weather and how the city is working you over. One can only hope we get a late winter snow storm for a few days, bringing out my favorite cartoon character Sam "the Elmer Fudd hat wearing" Adams. You know I'd even pay someone's leaf tax just to see this this winter.

When the weather turns dangerous, I always turn to Sam Adams for guidance and wisdom.

Why just last summer, I understand the mayor helped out by instructing some high school boys on the use of sunscreen.

What's this I hear about the city instituting a new "Snow Removal Fee"?

"Shhhhh. Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm hunting cameos in 'Portlandia'. Huh huh huh huh."

Right you are, Roger.

The city's newest snow removal technology uses naturally occurring heat production that over a period of a few days actually raises air temperatures, causing the snow to be converted into water that can then be recycled and sold to city residents for personal, government-approved uses.

It's simple, it's green, it's Portland.

Oh, and it's also a $100 fee per household, but again the city comes to your aid and you won't need to make an extra payment. The city will include the charge in your water bill.

It was 67º in Cincinnati yesterday. Last week it was 6º.

Who the hell knows.


Are you going to activate "Bojack.org Storm Center Storm tracker 9000.2" for the upcoming blizzard that all the weather-guessers are predicting? If so, I want to make sure I link to it on my FaceBook page. Your "Storm Center Storm Tracker 9000.2" is the ONLY reliable source for weather information in the western hemisphere.


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