This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on January 13, 2011 8:42 AM. The previous post in this blog was Countdown to hard feelings. The next post in this blog is I'm afraid to ask. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

E-mail, Feeds, 'n' Stuff

Thursday, January 13, 2011

One thing leads to another

Our list of high-class insults from the other day wound up on a bulletin board that also contains this collection of wise sayings:

- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

- Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

- Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify", I put "DOCTOR".

- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

- Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

- Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

- You're never too old to learn something stupid.

- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

- Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Comments (11)

OnE of my favorites is attributed to Clarence Darrow: "I never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with pleasure."

My personal favorite is still Proverbs 26:11. Not only is it appropriate, but I love hearing the screams of disgust when people pull out their Bibles to look it up. (What's terrifying is that when I went through Confirmation as a good Catholic kid in the Eighties, the Bible we were all given in our class had that passage illustrated.)

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who
are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it."

Mark Twain

The dog actually knows something!

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of my then a frontal lobotomy.

"My mama taught me never to get into a pissing contest with a skunk" - A phrase I heard former City Commissioner Charles Jordan say more than once.

Don't go into the mud to wrestle with a pig. You'll both wind up dirty, and the pig will like it.

It is the malady of our age that the young are so busy teaching us that they have no time left to learn.

And then there are any number of variations of the "lipstick on a pig" theme. Seems to have first been publicly used in 1985 in SF.


Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Clicky Web Analytics