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Saturday, November 28, 2009

If I'm ever trapped in the driver's seat of an Escalade...

... please don't try to free me by busting out the back window with a golf club.

Thanks for trying to help, though.

Comments (23)

I think the back window was busted out before the crash.

I think they should be asking Jack Nicholson where he was at the time.

My guess is she tried to get at him through the windshield first, with using a golf club. That would make a guy hit reverse, fast and without looking back.

I'll join the skeptics when I observe that these circumstances do add up more like he was fleeing from a scorned female who was wielding a blunt instrument...

It was so stupid how the media ran with the notion that she broke the back window to help him get out. Okay, they may have had a law enforcement source, but how does that work? It doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.
It reminds me of the Fugitive movie where the guard says there's no way any of the prisoners escaped just before they find the leg irons. They ask him:
"Do you want to change your bullsh*t story?"

That puts all the details in play, even including who - if anyone - was in the SUV. Just speculating but.... If you've just finished knocking your husband out with a golf club - hypothetically - you'd have to come up with some way that it happened.

The part about her being in the house and running outside when she heard the crash, does not work for me.

How do 1) drifting in and out of consciousness, 2) mumbling incoherently, 3) minor traffic accident, 4) alcohol not a factor, 5) 2:30 AM and 6) a golf club wielding spouse smashing vehicle windows not add up to a domestic dispute of some sort?

Her new nickname: Mulligan.

Beats Hooker.

..All the makings for a really good segment on COPS.

These details that TMZ is reporting today, sound a lot like the second pass at an explanation. This is the more desperate version where you get some of the truth in an effort to hide the more damning parts.
By the way, I don't feel any shame at speculating here. I was watching when the first "serious injuries" reports came across complete with the house fly-over in the news helicopter. I stood up and said a prayer that Tiger Woods was okay. I love Tiger Woods.
Once I had been jerked around with false information I felt entitled to figure this out. I told my wife yesterday, the "broken back window to help" thing was total BS. It had to be.
Frankly, when the cops went for the interview yesterday and his wife said, "Tiger was sleeping" that worried the hell out of me. I'm still not over the Phil Hartman situation and based on the BS nature of her story up 'til then, I think the cops should have made sure he was still alive.

The delay in being interviewed by the police could suggest the possible involvement of alcohol or a controlled substance.

Why wasn't he driving a Buick? Very suspicious!

The background story is that Tiger became disconsolate and panicked when he heard of the prospective cancellation of the Dubai Desert Classic. Not only does he lose his $2,000,000 appearance fee, but also the week away for fun and frolic.

The moral of the story is don't chop off a fire hydrant on the slowest of all news Holiday weekends not long after John Edwards (bless his dear heart) legitimizes The National Enquirer. Until something else pushes this story out of the way, every news organization is feeling free to cite the Enquirer and TMZ ad infinitum.

Obviously there is a story here. We just don't know what it is. And when Team Tiger gets done sanitizing we probably won't know any more than we know today.

Something dramatic happened here - there isn't enough sanitizer in the world to change that.
And it's never a slow news day when the most recognizable person on earth is unconscious on his driveway with a golf-club-wielding wife nearby.
The only thing that will change Monday is more news types will be back at work to focus on it.
One thought I now have concerns the PR aspects of the facial lacerations that were later downgraded. It was a serious accident downgraded to no big deal.
But the more you think about it, if Tiger Woods was knocked out cold at any time, that is plenty serious enough. Was he really and if so, how did he get that way?
I won't say the National Enquirer is more legitimate than before John Edwards, but there are some stories that they won't run until they have something to protect themselves from the lawyers. I would bet they have more on this.
They don't always play their hand all at once.
My fervent hope is that Tiger remained faithful to the Swedish hottie and by Monday, the National Enquirer is looking at a serious lawsuit. But I'm not holding my breath.
Their story could be complete garbage but I know one person from Sweden who bought it.

What club did she use?

If the rumors are correct, his wood was in use elsewhere.

A mashie. The driver was already in play.

If you think this is going away, the alleged other woman just lawyered up with....wait for it....Gloria Allred.
Meanwhile, Tiger and his wife still haven't talked with the cops. So he's playing this one from the bunker so to speak.
And it looks like he has to deal with a bad lie.

Tiger, It could have been worse.

Tiger has seemed so impervious to drama and bad news, that this seems to almost humanize him.

Hey, maybe he was just making a late night run for diapers!

According to the reports, the 911 calls were made by neighbors, not by Tiger's wife. Did she ever call at any time?

Some accounts say that when police arrived, she was "rendering aid" to her husband while more recent accounts say that she was standing over him in an agitated state.

Not enough information yet to know what the heck was going on but something doesn't smell right.

Look at it this way. John Dowd or someone of his ilk has generated a boatload of billable hours this weekend. It's a shot in the arm for the economy.


She was using Nike's new 'Jaws of Life' hybrid.

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