Labor of alienation (Jack Bog's Blog)

Here's another internet gem that I'm sure I'm the last person on earth to see. If not, and it's new to you, enjoy:

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224-3254
Washington, DC 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your loyal constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA

Comments (8)

It won't work. Wall Street Journal reported last week tax laws have changed for those renouncing their U.S citizenship such that those doing so will owe taxes on the assets they own at the time of de-citizenship, and the rates are fairly onerous.

There's just no easy way to beat the system for legal residents. Converting one's assets to gold or other store of value, and making it untraceable, has its own risks and transaction costs like safe storage and metal brokers.

Posted by Bob clark | June 2, 2008 3:52 PM

Way to piss on everyone's parade, Bob.

Posted by Mike | June 2, 2008 4:26 PM

I haven't seen that before actually. It's pretty damned funny. Thanks.

Way to take it literally Bob.

Posted by Shawn Ketcher | June 2, 2008 5:12 PM

It has been around for quite some time. Of course, you have to read anti illegal alien blogs to see such a thing.

Posted by Pdx632 | June 2, 2008 5:15 PM

Way to Lars all down your leg.

Posted by inane email forwards for simpletons | June 2, 2008 5:18 PM

It is fairly easy to renounce one's U.S. citizenship and the way to do it is specifically described in the U.S. Code. Sounds to me like this fellow doesn't really value his U.S. citizenship anyway so let him have what he wants. I wonder . . . if citizenship could be bought and sold, how much U.S. citizenship would bring on the open market.

Posted by Luna Llena | June 2, 2008 7:47 PM

I wonder . . . if citizenship could be bought and sold, how much U.S. citizenship would bring on the open market.

Not much if you give it away for free..

I guess you don't get the point of the letter

Posted by Ace | June 2, 2008 9:35 PM

This is a great and funny letter.

Some people do need to take a step back once in awhile and look at things from a different level.

Nothing comes for free. Someone has to pay for the benefits we have in this great country. The only real question is how much is a fair price to pay. . .

Posted by M2inOR | June 8, 2008 12:22 PM

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Monday, June 2, 2008

Labor of alienation

Comments (8)

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