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Monday, November 5, 2007

I'd go with a sharpened carrot

A blog post today about the crime wave on MAX advises riders to "carry maize." I think these gals have the idea.

Comments (23)

That's corny.

Some of the runaway zucchini's I grew this year would stop anyone - if you could lift them.

To milk the ongoing Pun Machine,
I'll say this story is
one of two things:


I like my Slingshot and Radish Ammunition.

Regarding Mass Transit: If violence, harassment, and intimidation is not bad enough, there's also the passing of germs and diseases. I had a niece recently ride one of Portland's new streetcars, and a rider got on next to her. When she got off she started itching badly, and found out she had gotten lice probably from the person sitting next her. She had to be scrubbed down with disinfectant. Cars and bikes have there problems too, but I know I prefer them over mass transit systems. You have control over with whom you share space.

Bob Clark, aka Mr. Look for Any Stupid Excuse to Criticize Mass Transit: I hear that you can get a bubble to wear around, and then stay in your house all day, so that maybe you can avoid any actual human contact. Several times a year some child in one of my girls' elementary school classes gets lice, and everyone has to check their own child. Perhaps I should pull them from school, because, well, I wouldn't want them being near any of "those" people.

Meg: That radish and slingshot idea is fantastic! I might only add it would be even better to freeze the radishes first...

"Several times a year some child in one of my girls' elementary school classes gets lice, and everyone has to check their own child."

What elementary school do you kids attend?

I have had three kids go through elementary school (2 different schools, since we moved), and never did we encounter lice, over a period from 1999 to 2007.

And you get lice several times a year. What luck!!

I wish I was as lucky as the other Larry that just posted. We've had a lice-free existence the past two years, but prior to that, my daughter would average getting them once every 12-18 months. Natural consequence of daycare and grade school, I figure. Now that she's in 4th grade, seems like the notices coming home to check heads have slowed down, which is nice...

Ever get a shot of corn oil in the eye?!? It ain't fun!

My children come home with fleas.

Bark Munster, Far Out my Dogs have benn coming home with children.
Funny World.

Yeah Radmacher, I'm sure the 71 yr old man that had his skull fractured saturday morning on MAX would agree with you.

I'm a retired police officer and wouldn't ride public transportation even if I was carrying a firearm.

Ride MAX=Become a statistic

I admit I'm not much of a communal type person and prefer individualism. It only makes economic sense for me to be against mass transit because I help subsidize it but don't use it much at all. It's one of those communal dinner like things where the bill is split equally but you really didn't order much of anything while the other strangers at the table ordered expensive wines, deserts, big steaks, and maybe some cigars. At least with the road system, if you use it a lot you probably pay more in gasoline taxes. From the looks of things, what with increasing road congestion yet the building of new lightrail and streetcars, the latter examples of mass transit don't seem to be relieving congestion. The idea mass transit is reducing congestion appears to be, more likely, just an argument by the strangers at my dinner table that their happiness (consumption) should make me happy and glad to subsidize their consumption.

There was an article in the Oregonian a little while ago comparing the congestion in the Portland metro area to that of other places. The information was compiled by the Texas Transportation Institute. On average, if you live in the metro area, you spend about 37 hours a year stuck in traffic. Without the public transportation we have now, that figure would have been 8 hours longer.

A pineapple on a stick would be the best weapon. Medieval fruit mace.

Would that be an organic sustainable carrot?

Medieval fruit mace is good, but better would be to jam an ugli onto a carrot stick - Ugli Stick.

Someone already hit Vera with it.


Why am I suddenly thinking of the Monty Python sketch with the banana and the pointed stick?

HMLA267, I'm not sure what the 71-year old would say about MAX right now. But I do know that making public policy about what he thinks about MAX is about as stupid as making public policy about the death penalty by asking the families of murder victims what the policy should be. Individual perspective is important to know, but it should not decide policy. I'm sure the old guy I met on the sidewalk downtown last night, smoking like crazy in front of his huge pickup, who saw my bike and asked if I believed all the "global warming bullshit," doesn't like MAX either.

Hmmm. How does one address such a disingenuous post ? Well, I can't speak for HMLA267, who was warning us to never ride the Eastside MAX months ago, but...

If I were Emperor, I would turn over particularly vicious murderers to the victims' families, bound hand and foot, arm the families with the blunt objects of their choice, and televise the results. The murder rate would plummet.

I'd also install controlled access train platforms with turnstiles and mean-ass Irish transit cops, like in a real city. The totally out-of control violent crime that MAX seems to actually facilitate, not just encourage, would also start to disappear.

Unfortunately, neither of those things is going to happen.

What probably will happen is some terrible Bernie Goetz type incident on the MAX, late at night, and after that the little savages might think twice before brutally beating defenseless old men and whacking people's skulls in with tire irons.

Fortunately, unlike in the crime-ridden hellholes of the Northeast, Oregonians have the right to defend themselves permanently enshrined in the State Constitution.

When it comes to self-defense, the only green that truly works is the dolla dolla bill, yo. Greater wealth = lower exposer to the general public = healthier, safer, happier life. At least in this world. And there ain't no other world than this one.

Exposure, obvs.

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