Detail, east Portland photo, courtesy Miles Hochstein / Portland Ground.

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on April 30, 2007 2:44 AM. The previous post in this blog was Oakland stroke. The next post in this blog is Ignition contrition. Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.



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E-mail, Feeds, 'n' Stuff

Monday, April 30, 2007

Survivor: Portland Bureaucracy

We had such great success with Survivor: Portland City Hall that you just knew there had to be a sequel. And here it is, folks: Survivor Portland City Hall: Bureaucracy Edition. We'll take 17 of the city's top agency heads and get rid of them one by one until only a single bureau manager survives. It will take several weeks, but we won't be daunted by the outcome of the proposed city charter changes on the civil service rules -- they don't apply here.

Let's not rush to judgment, though. Since none of our contestants were elected to their public offices, many of them won't be known to a lot of our readers. And so we can't start the voting today -- no, we'll postpone our first tribal council until you've had a chance to... [drum roll...] meet the contestants:

Office of Neighborhood Involvement Director Amalia Alarcon

Portland Development Commission Executive Director Bruce Warner

Chief Dave
Fire Chief Dave Sprando

Water Dave
Water Bureau Administrator David Shaff

Environmental Services Bureau Director Dean Marriott

Regional Arts & Culture Council Director Eloise Damrosch

Planning Bureau Director Gil Kelley

Interim Chief Administrative Officer Ken Rust

City Attorney Linda Meng

Emergency Communications Bureau Director Lisa Turley

Police Chief Rosie Sizer

Revenue Sue
Revenue Bureau Director Sue Klobertanz

Transportation Sue
Office of Transportation Director Sue Keil

Sustainable Susan
Office of Sustainable Development Director Susan Anderson

Housing and Community Development Bureau Director William White

Human Resources Director Yvonne Deckard

Parks Bureau Director Zari Santner

Be sure to check back on our show tomorrow, when the voting will begin. We'll vote one bureaucrat off the island each working day until there's only one left -- the Ultimate Survivor. He or she will take home the two grand prizes: the chance to buy a prime piece of real estate from the city for a dollar, plus tax credits that were originally meant to help poor people. Each contestant voted off the island will receive a consolation prize: an offer of a comfortable position with Homer Williams's development company in Los Angeles.

This time around, some lucky players may from time to time enjoy immunity from being terminated. Here is how it works: Any player who is mentioned by name in print or on the internet in a by-lined writing by Nigel Jaquiss, Phil Stanford, or Randy Gragg will have immunity on the next voting day after the story appears. Keep your eyes peeled for those important media references, and let us know if you see one; we'll announce any immunity before each vote.

UPDATE, 5/15, 2:41 a.m.: The following player was added to the competition on May 14:

Paul's bureau's web page is here.

Comments (27)

Great Idea Jack, but we need more information about these folks to do our votes justice. Are there profiles posted anywhere or is there a history of accomplishments or scams we can work with as well as the time of thier tenure, who appointed them.

You forgot the auditor, Mr Blackmer, who has been around during all of these boon-doggles. Yes, I know he is elected, but you missed hiom during the commisars Survivor Island.

I am trying to figure out what the heck he is auditing when he's not giving out rubber stamps.

Yeah, Zari!

Pardon my Non-understanding of this statement.."but we won't be daunted by the outcome of the proposed city charter changes on the civil service rules -- they don't apply here."
I thought civil service rules did not apply to managers and only to worker bees, in other word firing a worker was tough, managers was at will.

Yeah Bruce!

Yeah Transportation Sue!

Yeah Gil!

Yeah Eloise (and the entire bureaucracy which reports to her)!

My vote is to off Gil Kelley. Hell, I wouldn't let him on in the first place.

Potter's been trying to get Dean Marriot off the island since he was elected, but Dean won't go softly into that good night.

just to plant a seed for the next Survivor series:

Survivor: Portland Developers and Those Who Love Them.

This is just to good!. Now we can take some time and actually learn about the real movers and shake and bakers.

No contest.
Bruce Warner is, by far, running the biggest Program of Mass Dysfunction.
And with so little oversight not a single elected official knows where the money goes.
$100s of millions are routinely obscured in the sloppiest "bookkeeping" any shady operation has ever used. The City Club review revealed PDC books riddled with gaps and staff "estimates" substituting for the hard numbers hidden from official and public scrutiny. Wholesale deceit and gross incompetence makes this agency head Warner numero uno for removal.

Warner's PDC has become so brazen through years of zero accountability that they no longer exhibit ANY signs of fiduciary responsibility.

They have become the model for "we can do what ever we want" which other agencies mimmick.

Clean the PDC the rest will follow.

Alas, is there any provision in the voting for a unanimous vote for Zari Santner on the first round?

Or, perhaps the good folks at Parks & the benevolent folks at Warner Pacific have arranged for her to possess an invisible Immunity Idol (tsk tsk).

So where's the orange eBallot? Let's get started. If you wait too long politics on the island (read: ballot box stuffing by their handmaidens) will erupt.

Okay, so who's setting the odds here?

And I'll ask the obvious: why is the city attorney the only one whose face is not shown?

Not likely that an official or even unofficial photo doesn't exist so a little speculation would include (not necessarily in order of likelihood): a heretofore unknown ABA witness protection program; professional courtesy; friendship; a case of extreme comb-over; a babealicious who doesn't want to trade on her looks.

In the absence of facts The People must always speculate.

we need more information about these folks to do our votes justice.

I've linked to each of their bureaus' web sites, at least. Start digging.

You forgot the auditor, Mr Blackmer

I didn't. He's elected, and so he's not in this group. You're right, perhaps he should have been in the last group.

why is the city attorney the only one whose face is not shown?

I couldn't find her photo (even an itty-bitty one) on the internet.

Gosh so MANY likely candidates, do you think we should off two at a time for the first couple rounds? There are SOOOO many of them that I dislike it will be REALLY hard to choose. Granted, Bruce is a HUGE favorite, but I can hardly wait to send sustainable Sue and Eloise off to swim with the sharks. You sure we can't do two-at-a-time for the first couple rounds?

Relax, people. And be gentle. It's just a game.

Damn tough call.More difficult than choosing between Nadar Bush and Gore(I know, but hindsight is not very useful). I won't sleep tonight, GIL or ZARI or LINDA MENG, all useless unless you are a developer.

If this time we give timely notification and allow for public comment ... it's ZARI FIRST (out that is) and banished to Mt. Tabor.

Patience, patience, my woodsy little friend.

No matter what information you give me, I know how I'm voting.

I watched Zari do the "indignate abused public servant" routine at the Mt. Tabor mediation session, and I'm more convinced than ever that she is sociopathic. She needs to go in more than just a symbolic way.

You forgot Paul Scarlett at the Bureau of Development Review.

Greg C

Maybe we can add him in later, to spice things up.

" ... it's ZARI FIRST (out that is) and banished to Mt. Tabor." Better yet banish her to Mills End Park where she can sing to the Lepracauns.

Let's do "first out" on the basis of who is paid the most. By golly - that would be David Shaff, the Water Guy. And what, pray tell, makes him the highest paid since he had no experience at water resource management or engineering prior to being made the highest paid Portland bureaucrat? Simple - he is an absolutely loyal lapdog to Commisioner Randy. You don't really have to know what you're doing to become Portland's highest paid, you only have to become a crony.


As a lawyer/blogger, I get
to be a member of:

In Vino Veritas

Lange, Pinot Gris 2015
Kiona, Lemberger 2014
Willamette Valley, Pinot Gris 2015
Aix, Rosé de Provence 2016
Marchigüe, Cabernet 2013
Inazío Irruzola, Getariako Txakolina Rosé 2015
Maso Canali, Pinot Grigio 2015
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Kirkland, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2016
Cantele, Salice Salentino Reserva 2013
Whispering Angel, Côtes de Provence Rosé 2013
Avissi, Prosecco
Cleto Charli, Lambrusco di Sorbara Secco, Vecchia Modena
Pique Poul, Rosé 2016
Edmunds St. John, Bone-Jolly Rosé 2016
Stoller, Pinot Noir Rosé 2016
Chehalem, Inox Chardonnay 2015
The Four Graces, Pinot Gris 2015
Gascón, Colosal Red 2013
Cardwell Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
L'Ecole No. 41, Merlot 2013
Della Terra, Anonymus
Willamette Valley, Dijon Clone Chardonnay 2013
Wraith, Cabernet, Eidolon Estate 2012
Januik, Red 2015
Tomassi, Valpolicella, Rafaél, 2014
Sharecropper's Pinot Noir 2013
Helix, Pomatia Red Blend 2013
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
Campo Viejo, Rioja Reserva 2011
Villa Antinori, Toscana 2013
Locations, Spanish Red Wine
Locations, Argentinian Red Wine
La Antigua Clásico, Rioja 2011
Shatter, Grenache, Maury 2012
Argyle, Vintage Brut 2011
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16 Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2014
Benton Hill, Pinot Gris 2015
Primarius, Pinot Gris 2015
Januik, Merlot 2013
Napa Cellars, Cabernet 2013
J. Bookwalter, Protagonist 2012
LAN, Rioja Edicion Limitada 2011
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Rutherford 2009
Denada Cellars, Cabernet, Maipo Valley 2014
Marchigüe, Cabernet, Colchagua Valley 2013
Oberon, Cabernet 2014
Hedges, Red Mountain 2012
Balboa, Rose of Grenache 2015
Ontañón, Rioja Reserva 2015
Three Horse Ranch, Pinot Gris 2014
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
Nelms Road, Merlot 2013
Chateau Ste. Michelle, Pinot Gris 2014
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2012
Conn Creek, Cabernet, Napa 2013
Villa Maria, Sauvignon Blanc 2015
G3, Cabernet 2013
Chateau Smith, Cabernet, Washington State 2014
Abacela, Vintner's Blend #16
Willamette Valley, Rose of Pinot Noir, Whole Clusters 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Ca' del Baio Barbaresco Valgrande 2012
Goodfellow, Reserve Pinot Gris, Clover 2014
Lugana, San Benedetto 2014
Wente, Cabernet, Charles Wetmore 2011
La Espera, Cabernet 2011
King Estate, Pinot Gris 2015
Adelsheim, Pinot Gris 2015
Trader Joe's, Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley 2015
La Vite Lucente, Toscana Red 2013
St. Francis, Cabernet, Sonoma 2013
Kendall-Jackson, Pinot Noir, California 2013
Beaulieu, Cabernet, Napa Valley 2013
Erath, Pinot Noir, Estate Selection 2012
Abbot's Table, Columbia Valley 2014
Intrinsic, Cabernet 2014
Oyster Bay, Pinot Noir 2010
Occhipinti, SP68 Bianco 2014
Layer Cake, Shiraz 2013
Desert Wind, Ruah 2011
WillaKenzie, Pinot Gris 2014
Abacela, Fiesta Tempranillo 2013
Des Amis, Rose 2014
Dunham, Trautina 2012
RoxyAnn, Claret 2012
Del Ri, Claret 2012
Stoppa, Emilia, Red 2004
Primarius, Pinot Noir 2013
Domaines Bunan, Bandol Rose 2015
Albero, Bobal Rose 2015
Deer Creek, Pinot Gris 2015
Beaulieu, Rutherford Cabernet 2013
Archery Summit, Vireton Pinot Gris 2014
King Estate, Pinot Gris, Backbone 2014
Oberon, Napa Cabernet 2013
Apaltagua, Envero Carmenere Gran Reserva 2013
Chateau des Arnauds, Cuvee des Capucins 2012
Nine Hats, Red 2013
Benziger, Cabernet, Sonoma 2012
Roxy Ann, Claret 2012
Januik, Merlot 2012
Conundrum, White 2013
St. Francis, Sonoma Cabernet 2012

The Occasional Book

Marc Maron - Waiting for the Punch
Phil Stanford - Rose City Vice
Kenneth R. Feinberg - What is Life Worth?
Kent Haruf - Our Souls at Night
Peter Carey - True History of the Kelly Gang
Suzanne Collins - The Hunger Games
Amy Stewart - Girl Waits With Gun
Philip Roth - The Plot Against America
Norm Macdonald - Based on a True Story
Christopher Buckley - Boomsday
Ryan Holiday - The Obstacle is the Way
Ruth Sepetys - Between Shades of Gray
Richard Adams - Watership Down
Claire Vaye Watkins - Gold Fame Citrus
Markus Zusak - I am the Messenger
Anthony Doerr - All the Light We Cannot See
James Joyce - Dubliners
Cheryl Strayed - Torch
William Golding - Lord of the Flies
Saul Bellow - Mister Sammler's Planet
Phil Stanford - White House Call Girl
John Kaplan & Jon R. Waltz - The Trial of Jack Ruby
Kent Haruf - Eventide
David Halberstam - Summer of '49
Norman Mailer - The Naked and the Dead
Maria Dermoȗt - The Ten Thousand Things
William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying
Markus Zusak - The Book Thief
Christopher Buckley - Thank You for Smoking
William Shakespeare - Othello
Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness
Bill Bryson - A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cheryl Strayed - Tiny Beautiful Things
Sara Varon - Bake Sale
Stephen King - 11/22/63
Paul Goldstein - Errors and Omissions
Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Steve Martin - Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life
Beverly Cleary - A Girl from Yamhill, a Memoir
Kent Haruf - Plainsong
Hope Larson - A Wrinkle in Time, the Graphic Novel
Rudyard Kipling - Kim
Peter Ames Carlin - Bruce
Fran Cannon Slayton - When the Whistle Blows
Neil Young - Waging Heavy Peace
Mark Bego - Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul (2012 ed.)
Jenny Lawson - Let's Pretend This Never Happened
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol
Timothy Egan - The Big Burn
Deborah Eisenberg - Transactions in a Foreign Currency
Kurt Vonnegut Jr. - Slaughterhouse Five
Kathryn Lance - Pandora's Genes
Cheryl Strayed - Wild
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Brothers Karamazov
Jack London - The House of Pride, and Other Tales of Hawaii
Jack Walker - The Extraordinary Rendition of Vincent Dellamaria
Colum McCann - Let the Great World Spin
Niccolò Machiavelli - The Prince
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus - The Nanny Diaries
Brian Selznick - The Invention of Hugo Cabret
Sharon Creech - Walk Two Moons
Keith Richards - Life
F. Sionil Jose - Dusk
Natalie Babbitt - Tuck Everlasting
Justin Halpern - S#*t My Dad Says
Mark Herrmann - The Curmudgeon's Guide to Practicing Law
Barry Glassner - The Gospel of Food
Phil Stanford - The Peyton-Allan Files
Jesse Katz - The Opposite Field
Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
David Sedaris - Holidays on Ice
Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Mitch Albom - Have a Little Faith
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
F. Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby
William Shakespeare - A Midsummer Night's Dream
Ivan Doig - Bucking the Sun
Penda Diakité - I Lost My Tooth in Africa
Grace Lin - The Year of the Rat
Oscar Hijuelos - Mr. Ives' Christmas
Madeline L'Engle - A Wrinkle in Time
Steven Hart - The Last Three Miles
David Sedaris - Me Talk Pretty One Day
Karen Armstrong - The Spiral Staircase
Charles Larson - The Portland Murders
Adrian Wojnarowski - The Miracle of St. Anthony
William H. Colby - Long Goodbye
Steven D. Stark - Meet the Beatles
Phil Stanford - Portland Confidential
Rick Moody - Garden State
Jonathan Schwartz - All in Good Time
David Sedaris - Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Anthony Holden - Big Deal
Robert J. Spitzer - The Spirit of Leadership
James McManus - Positively Fifth Street
Jeff Noon - Vurt

Road Work

Miles run year to date: 5
At this date last year: 3
Total run in 2017: 113
In 2016: 155
In 2015: 271
In 2014: 401
In 2013: 257
In 2012: 129
In 2011: 113
In 2010: 125
In 2009: 67
In 2008: 28
In 2007: 113
In 2006: 100
In 2005: 149
In 2004: 204
In 2003: 269

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